Kids dealing with pregnant mothers

As I approached my front door the other night I caught an earful of screams coming from the neighbor's apartment. They're a quiet and pleasant family so I indulged my nosy side for a just a moment while fumbling for my keys

"I gave up my life for all of you! I give you everything. You're all selfish..." It was the normally placid mother tearing into her usually well-behaved children. Then I remembered, she was pregnant. She was unloading on her four kids in what sounded to be a rather hormonal rant, completely out of character for her. The youngest daughter, about 2 years of age, began to bawl. I could hear the 10 year old trying to comfort her to no avail.

Making things worse, the father is not in the picture, leaving them all without the support figure they each need. A dad's role should be to help a pregnant mother through her difficult times and similarly help kids through what is a period of upheaval for them as well.

Many grown men think that dealing with pregnant women is difficult, but consider the situation from the eyes of a child. It's confusing for adults but must be of an entirely different scale for children.

By the time I found my keys I felt pretty sad for them. Until then I had never considered the pregnancy experience from a kid's viewpoint. It just wasn't my experience growing up nor my experience with our children. However it made me realize how important it is for dads to play a support role to the entire family during pregnancy.

This blog is not about demonizing pregnant women, it never has been. It's about shedding some light on the father's experience which is not always easy. What I hope it points out is that the father does play an important role in supporting everyone involved, mother, upcoming baby and the kids who are already around.

If you're an expectant dad with children, keep an eye out for how your kids are responding to the situation. Help out as much as you can, throw yourself on as many grenades as possible, just make sure they're happy. If you know a single mom without a dad in the picture, help her out as well. She'll need it more than anyone.

Pregnancy Quotes - understanding pregnant women

I came across a quote about pregnancy that may provide some insight for expectant fathers on why pregnant women may not seem themselves.


"Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside."

- Rita Rudner

Pregnant women just don't feel themselves and strange things are happening. I'd be irritable if I got kicked in the stomach all the time. Aside from that, consider even some basic logistics; they're getting large and immobile, they have to pee every 5 minutes and don't have the energy to walk to walk to the bathroom. That alone would drive me nuts.

Check out some more pregnancy quotes.

Baby due date accuracy

Since the beginning of my wife's pregnancy I have been somewhat suspicious of how accurate delivery due dates are.

Well, in fact only about 5% of all babies are born on their due dates, with estimates ranging from as low as 2% to as high as 8%. Whatever the number, my wife is not among the few of every hundred women who deliver on their target date.

Sleep habits of fruit bats and pregnant women

Owls. Fruit bats. Vampires. Pregnant women.

What do these creatures have in common? None of them sleep well at night and, in the case of pregnant women, neither do their partners.

A pea-sized bladder, sore back, indigestion, swollen ankles and tender breasts are ingredients in the uncomfortable cocktail that makes pregnant women sleep poorly. They all add up to interrupted sleep on the part of the pregnant woman and, by proxy, the expectant father will not sleep well either. Dads-to-be should make sure that in the months prior to the birth they eat a balanced diet and try to maintain a regular sleep schedule so they are not completely fatigued and unhealthy before the little one arrives.

This may be nature's way of preparing the new parent for many sleepless nights ahead. I would however much prefer being woken by my new, adorable (as he will of course be) son than by my wife's huffing and puffing as she struggles to roll out of bed. I'm actually looking forward to being woken by the little one, for now it's the wife that's driving me to exhaustion.

A pregnant woman is... 60 things about expectant mothers

Pregnant women are complex. Words almost fail when trying to accurately describe one of these mysterious creatures. Accordingly, I have assembled a list of sixty easily digestible terms which describe some of the many facets of expectant mothers.

Some of these adjectives are things they experience personally while some of these are traits they exhibit, but all are common in pregnant women.

I will try to delve into more detail as I go on, but until then....

A pregnant woman is...

1. adoring you
2. angry at you
3. awesome
4. beautiful
5. changing constantly
6. cleaning
7. clingy
8. clumsy
9. complex
10. confused
11. constantly peeing
12. crampy
13. cranky
14. craving something
15. crying
16. emotional
17. excited
18. exhausted
19. expensive
20. full
21. forgetful
22. forgetful
23. frustrating
24. gassy
25. goofy
26. happy
27. having strange dreams
28. head-achy
29. hormonal
30. hungry
31. impatient
32. irritable
33. itchy
34. laughing
35. loving you
36. moody
37. nauseous
38. needy
39. nervous
40. nesting
41. nostalgic
42. not in control of their own bodies (baby is)
43. not sleeping well
44. out of breath
45. protruding
46. sad
47. scared
48. self conscious
49. sentimental
50. serious
51. sexy
52. silly
53. slowing down
54. sore
55. stuffy
56. thirsty
57. tired
58. unable to touch her toes
59. unhappy with your name choices
60. volatile

Nesting during pregnancy.

Over the past several months I've heard repeated stories of the "nesting instinct" in the later stages of pregnancy. The behavior typically includes the pregnant woman obsessively cleaning and organizing the home before the arrival of the bundle of joy. The way it was labeled an "instinct" made me think of how my dog digs at the rug and circles before laying down, or how birds collect bits of straw and other materials to insulate a nest for winter. After experiencing nesting first hand, I would no longer be surprised to see my wife doing either of these things.

I never discounted the phenomenon, but when I heard about the "nesting" phenomenon in pregnant women I didn't think it would apply to my wife. My thinking was the she already cleans everything to a surgically appropriate level, so she couldn't possibly clean or organize any further.

I was wrong.

In the past couple of weeks she has been taking a very active approach towards cleaning and organizing our house. She he been throwing things out on a regular basis to make sure we have enough room for the baby. I'm not quite sure how large she expects the child to be, but we have sufficient space just in case she births a linebacker.

My wife now cleans things with greater frequency and gets increasingly agitated if I interact with the sterile environment she is trying to create. I am frequently seen as the source of things that need to be cleaned. I feel guilty moving pillows out of place to sit down.

She has washed clothes and reorganized the baby's dresser multiple times, apparently using some derivative of the Dewey Decimal System to classify every tiny piece of clothing . Each time she makes a change to the drawers she wants to show me what she's done, but it still looks the same to me. The difference is imperceptible without a micrometer, but she knows exactly in which part of which stack of fuzzy items the organic cotton onesies are located and where to find the towel with the duck head. Meanwhile, I have trouble matching two of my own socks, so there's no way I'm going to be able to maintain this level of smooth, cotton perfection.

My wife has also hinted at redecorating and moving major pieces of furniture, to which I say nothing but hope pregnancy fatigue overcomes her before she makes our house unrecognizable.

Nesting during pregnancy is actually somewhat endearing, the things that you expectant fathers should expect, plan for and participate in include

- Increased house cleaning
- Getting the nursery ready
- Reorganization of furniture, cabinets, shoes, your life
- Packing a hospital bag that has the contents for a 3 week stay
- Buying diapers

Just make sure she stays away from caustic cleaning substances that can be harmful to the baby or exposure to paint fumes which have harmful volatile organic chemicals (VOCs).

If any of you have any experiences with nesting during pregnancy, please leave them in a comment, I'd love to hear them.

Why morning sickness is often a misnomer

Commonly known as morning sickness, the collection of first trimester pregnancy symptoms including nausea, fatigue, irritability and saying terrible things to the father of the child can actually occur at any point during the day.

My wife felt better during the morning hours of her first trimester, while her 'morning sickness' didn't set in until after noon. For many women it may start early and extend well beyond morning. Some expectant mothers are alarmed when they don't feel better as the day progresses, but it is perfectly natural and unique to each woman. Some pregnant women never experience morning sickness while others have it for the duration of the pregnancy, though not the norm.

Morning sickness has an indirect effect on the expectant dad as well, both physically and emotionally. You'll need to tend to your partner more and excuse anything crazy she does or says. Fathers should expect a change in diet, and will need to stock up on comfort foods like ginger ale and crackers.


Related articles:
Why pregnant women yell at you
Top 10 pregnancy comfort foods
8 Reasons why pregnancy makes fathers tired
Quotes from pregnant women

Nibbling fetus, a quote

You will hear lots of strange things coming from a pregnant woman. My wife interrupted me in the middle of a sentence tonight with a mildly yelled statement;

"Ahhh, it feels like he's biting the back of my belly button!"

She was of course referring to Sprout, the fetus, and then bit my finger with the according amount of pressure so that I could experience it as well.

Warning: the second trimester is a trap!

The second trimester is a brilliant tactic of instilling a false sense of security in expectant fathers. After surviving the first trimester gauntlet of nausea, crankiness and ginger ale shopping sprees, months four through six shine an entirely new light upon the proposition of pregnancy.

If I may, a brief analogy.

During the second trimester the pregnant woman emerges from her cocoon of morning sickness. Like a butterfly, she unfurls her glowing wings of pregnancy to the world. She is very hungry after completing her journey through the first three months and so will eat anything in her path; meat, vegetable, pastry or any domestic animal that comes within reach (R.I.P. Fluffy).

The transformation is truly as amazing as that of a caterpillar to a butterfly. Excitement sets in as you both look forward to the bundle of joy which will be blessing you in a few short months. You quickly forget the discomfort of the first few months and figure the rest of pregnancy will be equally as joyful. The baby begins to grow and change rapidly, and so does the mommy. The beauty of a pregnant woman becomes a site to behold.

However, much like the butterfly, after a few months the beauty stage of the pregnant woman comes to an end, as does my analogy. Don't get me wrong, pregnancy and the pregnant woman are still beautiful, but the experience for the father begins to revert to a test of will and patience. Now begins what I call the 'irritated' phase (for everybody involved).

Her mobility decreases and irritability increases. The expectant mother will gain more weight, ache more and vent all of these frustrations on you. Now the reason I call the second trimester a trap is that if fathers had to deal with the experience of the first and third trimesters in consecutive terms, many of us would end up going insane or bleeding to death from biting our tongues in excess.

Crazy pregnancy dreams

I mentioned earlier that my wife has been having vivid and intense dreams and I put a question out on Yahoo! Answers to see what kind of dreams other pregnant women were having. The following are some of the responses:

"I dreamed the baby was a Jalapeno and nobody wanted to carry him."

"I had nightmares with people killing my family."

"I'd have dreams about me having twins. Once I dreamed the twins were like fighting in my belly I could see their arms and legs sticking out then they dropped to the floor, not through the birth canal but through my belly like they were ghosts or something."

"I had one about some bears attacking people all over my town and it seemed so real!"

"I dreamt I died on the delivery table with my second child."

"The most recent was that our city was being bombed but they were only bombing our garbage cans and my husband was about to take out the garbage but me and my very pregnant belly ran and saved him."

"I had dreams that I gave birth to an alien, my fiance and that the baby flew out of my vagina and across the room!!!!"

Pregnancy dreams, zombies and expectant fathers

I've previously mentioned ways that my pregnant wife is slowly trying to drive me insane. She may have worked in extradition based on her tactics; she yells at me to break me down emotionally, she tries to make me fat and weak with snack foods and she clings to me to make me feel paranoid.

Lately she's been dabbling with sleep deprivation. At first she was just kicking me in the middle of the night and scaring the crap out of me. Now she's trying a different route, waking me in the latest hours of the night to recap a dream that reads like a vampire / zombie / alien thriller.

"Whew!" she exclaimed a millisecond before she clung to my body, still waking from her nightmare. "Can you cuddle me?" She was already stuck to me like a barnacle, so yes honey, we can cuddle.

"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I just had the weirdest dream..." After a five minute synopsis, I knew I was not going to get back to sleep quickly. "... and there were toddlers in all the cars in the parking lot and there were no adults around, and we couldn't tell if they had been infected and were zombies or not. "
I was now awake and scared that the alien vampire zombies might in fact be down stairs. She's sure as hell not going to fend them off, so of course now I have to sleep lightly for the rest of the night.

This scene has replayed itself a couple times since then, but with no dreams as cool as that first night. Vivid dreams are a common occurrence during pregnancy and are attributed to hormonal changes and the emotional journey of becoming a parent.

All expectant fathers need to know is that you will lose sleep over it. Listen to your pregnant partner, comfort her, and may I suggest a slug of red wine before bed to help you sleep more soundly.

Pregnant women are irritable, a quote

I would like to share a brief quote I recently overheard from my glowingly beautiful pregnant wife:

"Shut the f*@k up!"
- my wife, to our refrigerator

That's right, to our refrigerator. In my wife's defense, she rarely ever swears (that's my job), and our refrigerator beeps when the door is left open for more than a few seconds. This was apparently an unwelcome a reminder.

I made several realizations within moments of those eloquent words gracing my ears:

1. It was not directed at me, so I was happy.

2. A pregnant woman swearing at an inanimate object is funny. I laughed, on the inside.

3. For all the feminine beauty that pregnant women embody, a lady with a round tummy yelling at a metal shell is somehow equally as feminine. Again, an internal observation.

4. She always leaves the refrigerator door open and I was glad to hear that the reminder chime prompted her to action. However, had that chime been a verbal reminder from a man, his testicles would have been sheared clean from his body in one surgically precise swipe. Let this serve as a warning.

5. The relationship of a pregnant woman and a refrigerator is very similar to that of a female bear and her cubs; they are two things you do not may not understand and do not want to come between. Just stay away and you'll be fine.

Naming your child after a Godfather character

The other day I wrote a post on InsideFatherhood.com about a potential name I suggested to my pregnant wife for our unborn son. When I originally verbalized my brilliant candidate, she gave me a look as though I had eaten paint chips as a child, which coincidentally is a family favorite.

Obviously she doesn't have a well textured understanding of the bit parts in the Godfather movies. The name I suggested happened to be a small character the films, and I provided this little clue to the readers:

“It was the name of the baker in the Godfather who was bringing flowers to Vito Corleone in the hospital when Michael met him on the stairs.“

Nobody got it.

Well apparently Mike over at Stroller Derby agrees with my thoughts as to why **** is in fact the person from the Godfather after whom I should name my child. I blocked out the potential name, you'll have to read my original post at Inside Fatherhood if you want to see what it is.

Expectant Father Survey extracts, part deux

The following are a few extracts from my ongoing expectant father survey.

- Only 23.1 % of expectant fathers who responded think there is enough pregnancy-related information available specifically for dads.


- 38.5% of all respondents were either completely surprised by, or weren't expecting altered or hormonal behavior in their pregnant partners.


- 30.8% of respondent fathers talk to their pregnant partner's belly every day. Another 46.2% do so "every now and then."


When asked what "crazy" behavior expectant fathers had seen in their pregnant partners, one respondent answered:

"My partner pulled a bag of pickles out of her purse the other day while we were riding along in the car. Not so strange, until she pulled out a small jar of peanutbutter to dip them in."

Pregnancy advice gone awry

Since my wife and I have announced our pregnancy, we have been deluged with highly opinionated advice. Many of these people, who we are not particularly close to, freely dispense of their wisdom without thinking twice. Not only do they try to scare us, but the methods they prescribe clearly have not worked for their own little monster children.

As I've mentioned in the past, people not only presume that expectant fathers are idiots, they procede to tell you why your child will be behind the curve. "Oh, you want to bring your kids outside before the age of two? Fresh air will burn their lungs and make them stupid."

I figured a deluge of irksome or bad pregnancy advice couldn't be something unique to our experience, so I asked for others' experiences on Yahoo! Answers. These little gems of advice are actual suggestions and that expectant mothers and fathers have received in the course of their own pregnancies.

"I did cocaine with my kids and they're all okay!" (In response to a mother's concern that she inadvertantly continued smoking cigarettes before she was aware of her pregnancy.)"


"I was told not to eat red grapes by an idiot doctor because it would turn the baby's face red. LOL He is not a doctor anymore!"


"I was told to drink two to three alcoholic drinks a day, and not believe what the doctors said about alcohol and pregnancy. The alcohol would help me stay relaxed, and the baby would be calm when it was born. The nut-job said she drank through all of her pregnancies and the kids are great. Obviously I didn't follow her advice!!!!"


"[She] tried to tell me that based on her experience that I'll know I'm going into labor because I'll have to pee alot. Well with that said I told her, well i've been labor all 9 months because all I do is pee! .. She was a complete moron and had no children of her own or experience with babies."


"The only bad thing I've been told is that you should always get an epidural. I react badly to pain meds so I'm opting out and everyone is telling me that I will regret it. If it saves me and my baby, no I won't."


"*EVERYONE* told me to stock up on bottles and formula because I probably wouldn't be able to breastfeed."


"One thing [my mother-in-law] NAGGED me about was staying upright after I ate, because I had terrible morning sickness...but it made me miserabley uncomfortable and more likely to throw up if anything."


"She also tried to make me feel like I should be a little miss Suzy homemaker...I had a horrible pregnancy riddled with morning sickness until half through the last trimester, premature labor, alot of stress...and [my mother-in-law] wanted me to be at home looking pretty in a sparkling house with a roast on the table, giving everything to the bread winner and not getting anything for myself."


"Another thing was everyone telling me to take the drugs...I wanted a drug free labor, but ended up so -annoyed- at everyone I took them and ended up stopping my labor (after having gone from three centimeters to 8 in an hour) and causing me to have a c-secion. I wasnt happy."


"'Listen to your doctor'. This was the worst. My doctor was a jerk, and a moron. He's still convinced that babies cannot hear from inside the womb!"

Some people, or apparently even some doctors, may not have their heads in the right places when dishing out pregnancy-related advice to already nervous expectant mothers. Just keep in mind that a little common sense and some instinct will get you a long way... unless you think heavy drinking and cocaine are fine for babies; in that case you're just an idiot or Nichole Richie.

Dealing with hormonal pregnant women: don't make them feel crazier

Around 9:30 last night my beautiful and wonderfully pregnant wife tried to strike up a conversation with me while I was embroiled in some intense typing. It was basically a pregnancy snack request, but her approach was a little rough and somewhat out of the blue. The conversation went something like this:

"I'd like a candy bar and a back rub," she said to kick things off.
"A candy bar and a back rub?" I replied quizzically looking up from my laptop. She was laying on the floor doing some light yoga to stretch out her back at the time, and looked up at me with a grin that I just couldn't say no to.
"You're crazy. You know that don't you?" I replied with a smile. I turned my attention back to my screen in an attempt to finish my work before I set out to fetch a Three Musketeers.
"Why? I'm hungry," she said playfully.
"I'll go get you a candy bar," I admitted in a tone slightly frosted with defeat.
She shot back with "What, I can't get a back rub?" in a tone sharper than her initial request. I looked up a little disbelievingly.
"You're un-friggin-believable," I said, shaking my head and continuing to type.

As I neared the end of my work I realized that she hadn't said anything in a few minutes. A few minor sniffles perforated the silence of a commercial break on TV and quickly caught my attention.

"Are you crying?" I asked, somewhat disbelieving.
"No." And she wasn't. Not quite yet.
"What's wrong?" I pried.
As soon as she began to respond the waterworks let loose.
"I'm just really uncomfortable and I feel bad asking you to do all these things..."

She continued down her relatively short list of "why I'm crying" in a tone that sounded like an orgy of critically wounded geese, so I didn't pick up a lot of the finer points. I could tell those points didn't really matter. "My back hurts and I'm sorry that I’m hormonal" were the captions of her pregnancy-fueled, hormonally catalyzed mini-melt down.

I sat down next to her and told her that it was okay and I didn’t mind her requests at all, she just has to work with me a little sometimes. I said that I can only imagine all the changes that she’s going through and I’d do anything I could to help her. That made her cry more because she now felt worse that I was being understanding.

“How about I massage you with a candy bar?” She began to laugh. Laughter is a good way to diffuse a pregnant loon. So I rubbed her back for a little while and eased her back pain woes. The candy bar craving passed on its own at some point during the massage.

A few points of pregnancy wisdom I gleaned from this experience:

1. Don’t make a pregnant woman feel worse than she already does. It’s your job to keep quiet. Putting up with her craziness is the male analogy of experiencing hormones directly, it’s just something you have to go trough as part of pregnancy.

2. A pregnant woman may not even be aware she’s acting strange. If she isn’t, then don’t bring it to her attention. She may forget about what she did later on and only remember your reaction. I'm very lucky that my wife at least realizes when she's being irrational.

3. If a pregnant woman wants food, she wants it five minutes ago.

4. Don’t expect an apology from a pregnant woman, and don’t ask for one. If you happen to get one, that’s icing. Just support her lunacy and cravings, and keep in mind that she’s going through a tough time.

Across a crowded womb: kicked by a fetus

I had a truly amazing experience last night; a fetus kicked me in the face. Granted, there was a womb between us, but I could clearly feel my son firmly snap-kick my face and follow up with a right-cross.

As impressed as I was with his ability to throw effective combos, I was completely awestruck when I realized that he was responding to the sound of my voice. As I mentioned a while back, I talk to my wife's big pregnant belly every night and every morning. Up until yesterday I had no idea if my words were just falling on partially formed ears, but last night I realized he was listening.

My face was pressed gently against my wife's belly as I rambled on about strollers with cup holders when I felt a jab. I immediately started to laugh.
"Did you feel that?!" I asked.
"He hasn't been moving until you started talking. That's for you." I was completely amazed. I started talking again and sure enough the kicks and pokes began as well.

I wasn't completely convinced his pugilistic display was solely for my benefit, so I waited for a while without talking and got no kicks. When morning came, I put my face up to my wife's belly and said good morning. I could feel the tremor of hands and feet thumping against my wife's tummy.

I know the idea of getting smacked every time I speak to my child will quickly grow tiring once there is no longer padding between us, but I've still never been so thrilled to get punched in the face.