Bipolar sexual habits of pregnant women

I made an open call for questions a short while back and a reader asked about changes in sexuality during pregnancy. There seem to be few topics more taboo than pregnant sex and I sure as hell wouldn't have written about it if someone hadn't asked me. My wife and mom both read this blog so I'm not offering up anything personal, ix-nay on the egnant-pray ex-say.

Still, I wanted to answer this reader's question so I posted on Yahoo! Answers to get a public opinion sample from pregnant women out in the world. The question from the reader and in-turn posed to women was, how has pregnancy affected your sexuality.

I received quite a few responses and the results were interesting. They were characterized by a very bipolar split in that pregnant women either claimed a large increase in libido or a complete vacuum of sexual interest. Much of this seemed to be specific to a woman's trimester with the most activity in the second trimester and less interest in the first and third.

The following are some particularly telling quotes from the women who responded.

1. I'd rather lay on the bathroom floor than have sex.

2. With my 3rd pregnancy, I was (excuse the expression) hornier than a 16 year old boy!

3. The first [pregnancy] my sex drive went up, but the second time my sex drive has gone down.

4.I've always been reserved, maybe even shy, about that sort of stuff, but after getting pregnant I became much bolder

5. I felt yuck all the time and that was the last thing on my mind.

6. Now that I am preggo I try to knock his boots off every time he looks my way LMAO. My my how the roles have changed, Now he's the one running from me. He's scared he will hurt the baby. PLEASE! The only one in danger is him lol.

7. My sex drive went down the hill...

8. Since we got pregnant (we tried for over a year) sex has been a lot more frequent, spontaneous, and interesting. I guess it's because when we were trying to conceive it was like, "Okay, we have to have sex starting on day 10 of my cycle and skip every other day...blahblahblah." This way we do what we want when we want to, and it's awesome!

9. My libido went up 10-fold. I was very sexually charged, all the time...

10. I don't want to even be looked at in the first trimester, however the second is always a very different story and I find myself more interested than ever. In the third trimester I tolerate intimacy for the sake of my partner.

Why pregnant women yell at you

My wife yelled at me when I got home today because her bra strap was bothering her.

"Interesting, honey."

Clearly this was something for which I was responsible in crazy pregnant logic. I began wondering if crazy pregnant logic could be mapped to real life logic, and answer the ageless question of why pregnant women yell at fathers. So I asked that very question of some pregnant women, granted they were not within kicking or accurate throwing distance of my face or testicles.

If you're waiting for some clear cut way to avoid being yelled at by a pregnant woman, I'm sorry, it doesn't exist. You will most likely get yelled at for no reason. Just try and not explode and as one woman put it,

"Guys need to be instructed (early and often) to just reply 'Yes dear' and to say 'I love you' and 'You are so beautiful!' throughout the pregnancy."

In a recent question I posed on Yahoo! Answers, one woman said that"I just look at my boyfriend and want to smack him for no reason at all. And my man is the sweetest most gentle and loving guy in the world." You heard it guys, don't be sweet, gentle and loving.

Maybe try being a jerk? Well, another woman says she yells at her husband because "he'll do really selfish things like asking ME to get HIM something to eat while I'm laying down." Okay, no luck there.

How about trying to sneak beneath the radar and not get too extreme either way? Sounds good except for the multiple women who said that what made them yell was "him breathing." I kid you not.

It's basically inevitable that she will yell at you. Some reported remorse afterwards, but others sounded on the brink of murder.

A few excerpts of what women answered when asked why they yell at the fathers of their children during pregnancy:

1. "It's mostly hormonal for me. It's like all the little things that irritate me but I don't bother with get amplified when I'm pregnant and I can't ignore it.

2. "Him breathing...no seriously

3. "Its hormones I'm afraid you are gonna have to put up with it.

4. "When I was pregnant, I was irritated by my husband because of:
Everything he says
The way he acts
The way he breathes
They way he walks across a room

5. "He plays with his friends way too much for a married man and father!

6. "In my pregnancy I don't like my husband touching me, kissing me or having sex. I get irritable alot easier when he doesn't do things I ask...

7. "In my case it wasn't hormonal.......He was just an A**hole.

Too all you expectant fathers, good luck and stay safe.

What pregnant mothers wish fathers knew...

The following are a selection of quotes excerpted from a recent poll which asked pregnant mothers what they most wished fathers understood about pregnancy.

One thing I observed from the full set of responses is that there is often a breakdown in communication. Men don't always fully grasp how physically uncomfortable and emotionally exhausted women are during pregnancy, so a woman's words may fall on partially deaf ears. Likewise, in a hormonal and emotionally charged state women are not able to fully express themselves to their partners.

These answers provide some insight into the things that make pregnant women tick... often like a time bomb, so pay attention to what they would like from their expectant partners. A lot of times it's just a little compassion, some understanding of how poorly they feel physically or maybe just a back rub. (They love massages!)

1. " When I was pregnant the first time I was sick, tired, and miserable and my husband said in an exasperated voice "I don't know WHAT is the matter with you!" Every expectant father should know NOT to say that.

2. "How much it can totally sap your energy sometimes. You could be vaccuming and finish 1 room and feel like you ran a marathon, or have to sit down and rest in the middle of grocery shopping.

3. "...how annoying it is that you have pee all the time. There were a few weeks during my first pregnancy where I felt like I had to pee literally every 5 minutes... My husband got annoyed because I didn't want to go to a party one evening (how fun would that be to camp out in the potty) and I wished he could have understood that it wasn't like it was a real choice for me.

4. "He doesn't understand when I say I'm not in the mood! I feel sick and out of it, and all I get in return is 'you got pregnant and now you dont need me'

5. "I've told him several times i cant eat certain things and he just totally doesnt understand what im saying... he keeps wanting to go out and eat sea food im like i cant do that! haha its annoying.

6. "I wish my husband know how horrendous I feel all day everyday. how lethargic & exhausted I am, and how anxious & stressed out, how badly I just want to relax & not be constantly asked for something (like dinner, or cookies, or sex, or whatever--he asks for these things at least once a day).

7. "I also wish he knew how close to the edge I am--I feel like I'm barely holding it together & feel like I'm going to snap at any moment. I wish he'd volunteer to help out more, I'm totally frazzled & forgetful & feel scared & worried and insecure & stressed.

8. "I wish that the fathers knew how much pain and agony that us mothers go through. Not only with labor and delivery, but the whole entire pregnancy. I wish that fathers were more compassionate and understanding during that time too.

9. "Fathers should give lots of backrubs without us having to beg.