Save 15% on diapers with a 'subscription' from Amazon

When I sat down and calculated how much money I spend a month on diapers, I wondered if having my son poop onto a pile of $1's might be a cheaper alternative. In a previous post about the monthly expenses associated with a newborn, I estimated that disposable diapers set you back about $100 per month; approximately 390 diapers a month at $.25 a piece.

While it's something for which I budgeted, it just seems expensive to me for perfoming a basic bodily function. Kids do use fewer diapers as they get older, but guess what. Diapers get more expensive per piece as they increase in size. My son is built like a defensive tackle and, at less than 2 years old, is in size 7 Pampers Cruisers which average about $.45 a piece.

This size diaper isn't widely sold in our area so I started looking for an online source, which is when I chanced upon Amazon's fantastic offering. I looked around but couldn't find a deal that was even close.

First off, shipping is free on diapers from Amazon, which goes a long way towards not buying them in a store. If we don't have to lug around big boxes, all the better.

Second, Amazon offers a "subscription" service on certain items that will send you that product at a regular interval of your choice. The best part is, you save 15% on on those items to which you subscribe; diapers included.

Free shipping + Saving 15% = No brainer

Personally I like this concept because I don't have to worry about forgetting something at the store. I just know they're going to show up. You can cancel or change (increase or decrease) the subscription at any point, so there's very little risk.

The subscription isn't available on all diaper offerings, but as you mouse-over the various sizes and quantites, you'll see a message stating which are available for the subscription savings. The subscription option is available for Pampers Swaddlers and the larger Pampers Cruisers offering. I only wish I had found this sooner, but am glad I know about this in time for baby #2.

An Alternative Drink for Pregnant Women with Gestational Diabetes

Most pregnant women will tell you that their taste buds aren't the same as they were pre-pregnancy. I've heard many times that the taste of water, and even an expectant mother's own saliva, can make her feel sick. Ginger ale drink is quite adept at settling an uncertain tummy, but the sugar content puts if off limits for women with gestational diabetes.

An 8 oz serving of most ginger ales has about 22 grams of sugars, or about 8% of your recommended daily intake. This adds up quickly with multiple servings and is a definite no-no for pregnant women suffering from gestational diabetes who must watch their dietary intake like a hawk.

If your partner is one of these unlucky women who has been placed on a restricted diet, yet can't stand water, a fantastic alternative is a naturally flavored sparkling water.

My wife loves the Poland Spring lime essence sparkling water; it tastes great and isn't overly flavored, has 0 grams of sugars and isn't loaded with suspect ingredients. Polar (if it's available in your area) has a similar offering and it's usually less expensive as well.

I actually really like the taste myself, which is good considering my fridge is now crammed with the stuff. Poland Spring has 4 flavor offerings as well as an original sparkling water. I'm sure other brands have similar offerings, just check the nutritional label to make sure there isn't any added sugar or artificial ingredients.

So expectant dads, why am I telling you this?It's your job to take care of her and help her feel better. Bringing home a feel-better alternative shows that you're thoughtful, you care about her comfort and her health. By proxy, this also shows that you care about your unborn child's health. Just remember to buy the plastic bottles; she's hormonal and may end up throwing them at you if she doesn't like the taste.

Use ACH to pay bills during pregnancy

The latter months of pregnancy are often very busy with last minute preparation for the forthcoming little one. That full schedule will not ease up after the birth of a child either, and sleep deprivation makes it more difficult to remember little details that don't involve diapers and formula. It seems as though the world revolves solely around the expectant family or newly arrived treasure, but banks, utility companies and credit card companies don't see it in quite the same way.

One highly effective tool for managing time and personal productivity is to use automatic bill payments (especially while caring for/dealing with a pregnant woman and making sure the baby room is prepared). Often known as ACH, automatic bill payments simply deduct the amount owed from one's checking account on a predetermined date on a recurring basis. This service is quite often free and available for sign up through a vendor's website. It typically requires an electronic 'signature' and your checking account number and bank routing number. Certain places require paper forms to be signed and mailed, but it's worth the effort.

Not only does using automatic payments reduce the overhead involved with managing your finances, it helps make sure that you won't miss a payment date. As such, it prevents potential damage to your credit score because of an honest, fatigue-induced mistake. For variable payments (e.g. credit cards) for which the amount is not the same every month, I prefer to set the automatic payment to the minimum so I don't miss any deadlines and then initiate additional payments manually, after the fact.

This approach to personal finances saves time, effort, the cost of stamps and envelopes and makes sure there's never any question about whether or not a bill was paid on time or a check lost in the mail. Some credit card companies will charge a $35 late fee if your payment is even 1 hour past their cut off time; ACH prevents that from being an issue.

Many vendors allow you to change your payment date if you're worried about scheduling your payments around paychecks. I make entries in my Google Calendar for each automatic payment, and set up text message or email notifications on the payment date so I can balance my checking account.


Bills that often can be paid automatically each month include:
- auto insurance
- cable television
- car payments (set up through bank)
- credit card (if carrying a balance)
- life insurance
- phone
- utilities

Visit the Almost A Dad Amazon store!

For those of you looking for gifts for pregnant women and expectant dads, including books, maternity aides and baby gear, look no further than the Almost A Dad Amazon store!

With items suggested by real live pregnant women, the Almost A Dad store has everything you'll need to keep the pregnant women in your life informed, comfortable and happy.

My pregnant wife says: L'Occitane organic shea butter helps prevent stretch marks

Fear of stretch marks ranks high with many expectant mothers on their list of concerns about pregnancy; my wife is no exception. As soon as she found out she was pregnant she began moisturizing her belly with religious fervor, as though it were made of gator hide. Not only was she concerned about stretch marks, but as her tummy grew larger her skin in that area began to itch and become more sensitive.

While waiting for a train home from a New York business trip, I stopped in to L'Occitane in Grand Central Station to pick her up a small gift before my return. She loves that brand and as a newly invigorated skin care addict, I thought something from there would be an appropriate present. I set out to find shea butter as that was the one product I actually recalled her mentioning. However, when I first saw the price on the tin I was sure that it must include a personal masseuse to apply the moisturizer. That was not the case.

In spite of my initial sticker shock I ended up buying the shea butter because I wanted to get something for her and thought this was a fairly practical choice. (She loved it, so it was worth it.) I must say, while I would normally consider $39 for a tin of moisturizer to be high, it has lasted for six months and counting, and has preserved her tummy with baby's-bottom smoothness. (I talk to it all the time, so I know.) It's also organic, which is especially comforting during pregnancy to know that she's not slathering herself in potentially harmfully chemicals.

My wife strongly suggests the L'Occitane Pure Organic Shea Butter, and has added it to her Christmas wish list. So, if any of you guys are looking for a gift idea, there it is. It's available through Amazon for $39.

How far apart do contractions have to be before...

One question that many fathers have is how far apart should a pregnant woman's contractions be before going to the hospital?

For most normal pregnancies with no extenuating circumstances, doctors will tell you that you should not come to the hospital until contractions are 5 minutes apart for an hour.

However, you or the expectant mother should personally check with her doctor to make sure they agree with this estimate. There may be concerns which may cause them to increase or decrease this estimate. Other considerations include how far you live from where you will be delivering, i.e., can you get there quickly if you wait too long, or should you leave sooner if you live far away.

Another big consideration is that if your partner is admitted with false labor, your health insurance company will charge you a co-pay or deductible for the false start as well as the real thing. Depending on your insurance, this will be hundreds of dollars, if not over a thousand. If you don't have health insurance, it could cost you more out of pocket. So make sure you check with you doctor first and do some investigating into the policies of the hospital and the insurance company.

Pregnant care quick tip: rearrange high shelving

As your pregnant partner becomes more circular, her mobility, balance and physical dexterity often suffer. Her center of balance is off, she is often fatigued, uncomfortable and sore.

Not only is this a danger to anything fragile in the near vicinity of a pregnant woman, it is often the root of some danger to her. One way to mitigate this risk is to rearrange higher shelved items that she uses frequently. This avoids situations where an expectant mother will have to stretch to reach overhead items, subsequently placing her balance in question and potentially risking a fall. Depending on how far along she is, placing difficult-to-reach items at a lower, more manageable level may also eliminate any 'belly problems', from the discomfort of stretching skin to knocking into/over items on lower shelves or surfaces.

It's a relatively easy fix, but just make sure it doesn't coincide with her nesting during pregnancy, or that she's completely unaware of what you're doing. She may be incredibly frustrated if you rearrange how she has everything set up. This will also come in handy after the little one arrives and either of you are reaching for things with a baby in one arm.

The most common pregnancy craving

"Aren't you done yet?" [to fetus]

"Alright, already. Are you ever coming out?" [to fetus]

"I think he's tap dancing on my bladder."

"I'm so full of baby."

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe that I've started waddling!"

These are quotes from pregnant women in the late stages of the third trimester. They're indicative of the fact that expectant women get uncomfortable and impatient as they grow larger and just want the delivery date to hurry up and arrive. One quote that sums up all of these comes from Phyllis Diller:

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

As pregnancy progresses, it's important to be conscious of just how uncomfortable pregnant women are. You should really begin to step up how much help you're giving her. Her feet hurt, she tires easily and has trouble standing up from couches or chairs. At this point you may have to wait on her hand and foot, and it's not because she's lazy, she's just plain unable.

So keep in mind that she's feeling physically limited and mentally frustrated if she yells at you or (or the refrigerator), or just asks for a little more help. She may not express them all, but there are many things that pregnant women wish men knew.

Quick tip: How to ease foot pain in pregnant women.

The additional weight that expectant mothers carry begins to manifest itself clearly in the forms of aches and pains during the third trimester of pregnancy. Joints stiffen and ache and the feet in particular bear the brunt of the extra structural punishment.

Foot pain often leads to discomfort in other areas of the body, particularly the knees and back. This is one of the reasons why foot massage is at the top of many pregnant women's wish lists. It's a great way to help relieve the tension and pain that builds up in pregnant women's feet. I've detailed the pregnancy foot massage that I do for my wife and she hasn't stopped asking for one ever since.

While a massage is an effective cure, you know what they say about an ounce of prevention. On that note, an inexpensive and easy way to help mitigate sore feet for your pregnant partner is to buy her a pair of supportive shoe insoles. Shoe insoles help support the arch, increase stability and dissipate the shock to the heel and ball of the foot.

You can find a pair of comfort insoles online or at mostly any drugstore or supermarket for $10 - $25. Dr. Scholl's now makes insoles designed for open toed shoes. While insoles may not completely eliminate foot fatigue and soreness, combined with massage it will make the time a pregnant woman spends on her feet a little less painful.

Quick tip: Use band aids to hide protruding belly buttons

If your pregnant partner is self conscious about a protruding belly button during the later stages of pregnancy, suggest she try a band aid on her stomach. Applying a band aid across her navel will make the little turkey timer belly button less visible to others through clothing.

It's a great way to help her feel better about herself, and just tell her all the Hollywood stars do it!

The dangers of kitty litter

Many people pass off the notion that pregnant women should avoid changing kitty litter as an old wives' tale. However there is a real threat in living with cats during pregnancy.

Cats, while lovable pets, are the source of a serious infection that can be a hazard to the fetus. This infection is caused from a tiny parasite named Toxoplasma gondii that can be found almost everywhere.

Toxoplasmosis is a parasite which cats pick up from the stool of other infected cats or from eating raw meat. These parasites are then shed in the stool of the infected cat. Thus, a pregnant woman can pick up this infection from the litter box (or soil) in which the cat defecates.

- from iVillage

Making sure that pregnant women don't change kitty litter and wash their hands regularly will limit risk to the fetus and mother. iVillage.com has a list of 11 ways to prevent toxoplasmosis.

6 Questions to ask a potential pediatrician

The right pediatrician may have a major impact on your child, so taking a few minutes to interview potential doctors before the birth of your child is time well spent. It's a good idea to look for a doctor in advance because the good ones are often very busy and difficult to set up appointments with.

Below are a few questions that will give you good insight into a doctor and get a feel for how they will treat your baby.

1. How long have you been practicing medicine?
There is most definitely something to be said for experience.

2. What differentiates you from the other pediatricians in the area?
Frankly this one is particularly interesting because it is a great way to judge if a potential candidate is full of crap. If you feel like you're being sold something rather than informed, beware.

3. How many "well baby" visits do you typically have during the first six months? After that?
This will give you an idea of how often you will be in the doctor's office. There should be quite a few, but it may depend on doctor. Beware of a casual answer, there should be at least six in the first six months starting within days of the birth.

4. Who will normally see my child, you or a physician's assistant / nurse practitioner?
This will help you judge if your child will be seeing a different person each time you visit the pediatrician's office. It's preferable to stay with one set of single set of eyes over time so that visual changes can be easily assessed.

5. Do you have kids of your own?
This is a great way to see how vested they are in the subject matter.

6. Do you have Saturday and evening hours?
Colds and sickness don't follow a 9-5 schedule.

7. What is your philosophy on pediatrics?
They may not have a formal "philosophy", but they should be able to speak as to how they treat their patients.

Many of these questions are great for the sole purpose of facilitating conversation. During your interview, make note of whether or not you are interrupted, as is common with many doctors who gloss over patients. After discussing kids and pediatrics for a while, you should be able to tell whether or not you like that particular doctor. Beware of being sold on things, this is your child so trust your gut about whether or not this person is someone with whom you will trust your sick child.

Quick nutrition for pregnant women

One of the best ways to care for a pregnant woman is to make sure she's always properly fed, and fed quickly. Although a lofty goal, preparing ready-to-eat snacks in advance and keeping certain ingredients on hand is key to making her fed and happy. Keep in mind that she will get hungry at inconvenient times, so some of the items on the list are travel friendly. Stock up on these items so when hunger strikes her, she won't strike you.

Preparing snacks in advance makes sure that she's getting the nutrition she and the baby need from good foods, not just anything within arm's reach. Fresh fruits and vegetables fit this profile wonderfully and are easy to prepare in addition to being vitamin rich. Keep in mind that fruits and vegetables are usually sprayed with pesticides and other chemicals, so buying organic and pesticide free is highly recommended. Organics can be expensive, but those fruits and veggies with thick skins may be okay. DeliciousOrganics.com has a list of the top produce to buy organic.

Some great snacks include:


Sliced apples with a spread of peanut butter
Apples are loaded with nutrients, and the peanut butter is a great source of protein and healthy fats and oils. Try and get organic apples.


Orange juice or cranberry juice
Lots of vitamin c and sugars to help low blood sugar levels.


Trail mix (organic)
Quick, easy, portable and tasty. Some good carbs, oils and proteins.
*travel friendly, spoil resistant - Buy a large bag at a super center to save money and portion it out in Ziploc bags so she can throw some in a purse.


Yogurt
Keep some yogurt handy, either in a larger container or individual cups. Add some granola or mix in your own fruit to make it a more substantial treat.


Eggs
Eggs are very simple to prepare on the spot. It doesn't get much easier than scrambled eggs. If you have a little more time, make an egg white omelet with some diced veggies and cheese. For a quicker grab, prepare some hard boiled eggs and keep them in the fridge for when the urge strikes.


Bread (for toast)
Depending on which trimester she is in, dry toast may be one of the only things she can stomach. I suggest a multi-grain bread if she isn't battling an upset tummy. In that case something a little less fibrous like an oatmeal bread is healthier than just plain white bread.


Crackers and...
Cheese is the obvious answer, but there are lots of other things you can add. If you do go the cheese route, pregnant women should stay away from soft cheese. Hummus, jelly, slice of fruit or salsa are all great cracker combos. Stick to a more grainy cracker, as some tend to be high in saturated fats.
* Travel friendly, spoil resistant - Buy her a box for her car or for work.


Cottage Cheese
Cottage cheese, possibly with some fruit mixed in, is a great way to get some protein.


Granola Bars
I personally love the Kashi brand of bars, but most of these bars provide an ultra-portable energy boost.
* Travel friendly, spoil resistant - buy a few extra for the car, purse or on the job.


Peanut Butter and....
Just about anything. With jelly on bread, spread on some fruit, dipped with celery, a bunch on some crackers.
* Spoil resistant - great to put in a desk with a box of crackers at the office.


Nutrition for pregnant women can be an easily manageable as long as you plan in advance. A well-fed pregnant woman is a happy pregnant woman, so always make sure she's got a steady supply of food at the drop of a hat.

Dad's Prenatal checklist: life insurance

Administrative tasks aren't fun at any point in your life, but many of them assume a new significance as an expectant parent. One major item on the list of "stinks to think about, pain to deal with" items is life insurance.

Those of you who already have life insurance should revisit your policy before the birth of your child. Talk to your representative to see if an adjustment to your policy might be in order. Keep in mind that if something were to happen to you or your partner, the survivor would be burdened with caring for a child and earning a living, all while grieving. This situation could sadly be worsened by a less than ideal financial situation. Life insurance can help make thing a little less troublesome in a difficult time when the care of a child is involved.

For those of you without life insurance, I would strongly suggest that you consider a small term life insurance policy. Contact a life insurance broker for solid quotes, but relatively healthy people should be able to get policies for less than $30 a month. Make sure that both parents have a policy, as the loss of either could cause a major hardship for the survivor and affect the well being of the child.

8 reasons why pregnancy makes fathers tired

Pregnancy can be rough on fathers as well as the mothers. It's clearly understood that pregnant women undergo lots of changes which leave them feeling tired, but it's not always addressed that those who are on their way to fatherhood can experience fatigue as well. Based on absolutely no laboratory research of my own, yet backed with a keen eye, I've assembled the 8 reasons why pregnancy makes fathers tired.

1. Late night snack runs.
Quite a few times during this pregnancy I have found myself out at night , past my normal bedtime, on a hunt to find a candy bar, a coconut cake or some macaroni and cheese. I don't have any problem doing so, and it's not like I'm out for hours at a clip, but it is a change to my schedule. More often than not, I end up eating some of what I buy for my wife.

2. Changes in diet.
An expectant father's diet is going to change from pre-pregnancy norms. Like I said in #1, I often end up eating some of the tasty treats I've gotten to feed my wife's hormonal hunger. In addition to the periphery of snack foods, the first trimester diet is often bland, and also includes less whole grains. This, combined with more snackey foods, leads to an increase in sugar and carbohydrates which may cause your insulin levels to gyrate, pack on a few pounds and make you fatter and sleepier in the process.

3. She wakes you up on the way to the bathroom.
Pregnant women pee with a regularity and frequency to which you can calibrate sensitive instruments. She's going to pee all the time, and the nighttime hours are no exception. In the process of making nocturnal bathroom trips she will inevitably wake you. This is particularly intensified in the later months when The simple act of getting out of bed requires a complex series of movements that look like a drunk man trying to get on his feet after falling from a bar stool. Several hundred calories are burned in the process, by the way, so you may need to get her a snack.

4. Baby room preparation.
Depending on how much work is going into your nursery, baby room preparation can be a black hole of energy and sanity. I personally removed more than twenty bags of plaster, each weighing somewhere in the neighborhood of 75 pounds each in 90 degree heat. Needless to say, it made me tired

5. Increased household duties.
A pregnant woman's energy level and physical ability to do certain things around the house will diminish, and the slack must be picked up by you, the expectant father. While my wife has a decidedly severe clean streak in her personality, she has begun to slow down and isn't able to do quite as many things as she used to. Assuming that you usually split household duties, you'll have to pick up some extra slack to make sure things get done.

6. Getting yelled at takes a lot out of you.
(Please note, this has not happened to me. My wife is a saint.) It's emotionally tiring to be crabbed at and complained about. It may not happen often, or it may be several times a day depending on her personality and how far along she is, but most likely your pregnant partner will yell at you. Even if it isn't straight out yelling, there will be some emotional turbulence ranging from crocodile tears to women wanting to punch you in the nuts. She's hormonal and maybe scared, so you should do your best to get through it and not explode at her. Biting your tongue burns lots of calories, thus tiring you out.

7. Reduced exercise and activity levels.
As your schedule fills, the time available for exercise or peripheral activity decreases. Even if you don't work out five times a week, things like outside work, walks, pickup basketball or the ability to move more than ten feet away from your pregnant partner without her clinging to you affects your energy levels. Exercise is invigorating and makes you feel more energized. Pregnant women steal free time with the ease and glee of a bully stealing lunch money at school.

8. Increased stress levels.
Health, finances, nursery, pushy advice, family, work and health insurance are a subset of the things that increase the amount of stress that you'll experience as an expectant father. Stress works in a a tricky way. First, it makes your mind run like a Kenyan marathoner so it's not always easy to wind down at the end of the day. You expend more energy and can't sleep as well. Second, stress causes a release of cortisol in your body that not only helps pack on a few pounds by messing with your blood sugars, over time it will make you feel depressed and anxious.


On an interesting side note, items 1,2,7 and 8 also contribute to weight gain, which is part of the notorious couvade syndrome.

Classical Music in utero

From an early age my brother and I often amused ourselves with brain games like 'push your brother down the stairs' and 'jump in the mud'. As we matured into young men we progressed to other activities like making kung-fu movies and dragging each other across the lawn from the bumper of the car. They were all incredibly fun at the time but part of the reason my parents would cringe at our behavior with the regularity of a metronome. In my brother's defense, he went on to graduate from MIT. I, on the other hand, am still an idiot. I would actually be inclined to continue lots of these activities if we lived closer together.

To offset his genetic predisposition, I'm trying whatever I can to make sure my son is a little sharper than his old man. Plus, my wife will worry excessively if he tries to occupy himself in any fashion similar to how my brother and I often would. To distance the apple from the tree, I've started playing classical music to my son in utero. The so-called theory of the "Mozart Effect" suggests that playing classical music to babies in the womb can help stimulate brain activity. Many boldly claim it will make your baby a genius. More importantly (to me, anyway) there is evidence that it stimulates the brain's alpha waves, thus creating a calming effect.

Last night I plugged in some headphones to my iPod and put on Bach's Goldberg Variations, a personal favorite of my own. I placed one of the ear buds face-down into her belly button and the other lower down on her abdomen beneath her waist band to keep it in place. I was a little nervous about the volume being excessive because we all know how Bach rocks the harpsichord.

I must say I was slightly skeptical of the claims that you can 'engineer' a baby genius, but the results were amazing. Within moments we realized that my wife's belly button began pulsing distinctly... it was Morse code! Brilliant, classical music taught my unborn son Morse code!

"Don't believe the hype" he deliberately tapped out. What a freethinking fetus, negative three months and he's already like his dad!

Okay, so maybe that's slight exaggeration, but his movement clearly increased with the start and fluctuations within the music. From this I can glean that he is hearing and responding to the stimulus of the music, and it's great music at that.

I'm going to love him regardless of his IQ, so creating a baby Einstein isn't really my goal in this. However, if I can make him a little more calm and possibly more aware when he's born, then it's worth the few minutes of putting on some good tunes before bed.

Turkey timer belly button

Nature has an incredibly useful way of letting expectant women know that their pregnancy is coming into the home stretch. As if the bulging belly and inability to go 30 seconds without resting, peeing or eating weren't evidence enough, many women will start to get an extra cue from their belly button.

Much like a pop-up turkey timer lets you know when your bird is done, a pregnant woman's belly button lets you know when your bun is almost ready to come out of the oven, too. As the belly expands more in late pregnancy it presses on the tissue in your belly button and often causes an "innie" to become an "outie". While this doesn't happen for everyone, it is a relatively common occurrence, often starting around the sixth month.

I like to push on my wife's pregnant belly button; it's a little squishy, yet resilient. It reminds me of a little priming pump you find on the side of a gas-powered weed whacker. While hers is not yet a complete outie, it will probably get pretty close at some point in the next three months.

A little fashion tip for pregnant mommies who don't want their turkey timer belly buttons poking through their shirts, use a band-aid or a little bit of tape to keep that bad boy in check.

Top 10 remedies to the Top 10 things not to say to a pregnant woman

A few days ago I listed the top 10 things not to say to a pregnant women, and today I've got some responses for damage control in case you happen to slip up and utter one of those phrases. You'll notice a pattern; the best way to diffuse a hormonal pregnant woman in many of these situations is a two step process of amuse and divert. However, some things you just can't get out of. Avoiding these phrases is the safest way to go, but if that doesn't work try the process of disappear and deny: get out of there and then pretend like it never happened afterwards.

And now, 10 things to say if you said one of the top 10 things not to say to a pregnant woman.

1. Statement: "I think cankles are sexy. "
Remedy: "I'm just kidding. You obviously don't have cankles!" Now run, insulting and sarcastic as I said before, this one is hard to get around. Buy her something nice. This mistake made twice will cost you your genitals if not your life.

2. Statement: "Those stretch marks will go away, right?"
Remedy: She may hit you, get quiet or start crying, or some combo there of. You need to buy something to fix this. Admit your insensitivity and buy her some good quality lotion or bio oil to help with stretch marks. Give it to her with a bow on it and apologize for being an insensitive ass.

3. Statement: "I'm not going to buy you new clothes if you keep outgrowing them."
Remedy: "I was just kidding, but it was insensitive none the less." Follow up and give her a gift card to a maternity store. The comfort she'll have from a few well-fitting items will more than offset the financial cost by reducing the amount of grief you'll have to put up with from her.

4. Statement: "Wow, that woman looks great for having two kids."
Remedy: "That must have cost a fortune in plastic surgery." Get catty, it's fine if it prevents personal injury.

5. Statement: "Why are you so tired?"
Remedy: Women hate when you show that you don't understand them, so turn this into a joke. "What, are growing another person or something?"

6. Statement: "What is wrong with you?"
Remedy: Follow immediately with "What, are you pregnant and tired or something?" She still may get her back up and claim she's not acting hormonal or strange. Back away slowly and don't turn around until she's out of sight.

7. Statement: "Will you get me something from the frigde?"
Remedy: If she's anywhere near the fridge and asks what, just say "a hug" because it's trap. If she doesn't throw something at you, she will remember that you asked her, in all her pregnant rotundity, to wait on you and will explode at a later date. If she's not near the fridge, just say "I'm kiding. Do you want anything wile I'm up?"

8. Statement: "You're starting to move like a [anything]. " i.e. "You're starting to move like a penguin."
Remedy: "I'm saying that of course because the penguin is a symbol of femenine beauty to the people of the Maldives." For this one you're hoping that:a. you can draw a positive parallel between the object (e.g. penguin, bear, truck) and your pregnant partner or
b. you can come up with a funny or obscure enough reference to make her laugh.
She still may hit you.

9. Statement: "You're not as much fun as you used to be."
Remedy: Again, keep it light and follow with "What, are you pregnant and tired or something?" Quickly divert conversation to focus on her. "How are you feeling by the way?"

10. Statement: "Are you really going to eat that whole sundae / sandwich / pizza ?"
Remedy: Follow immediately "Because I'd love a bite if you don't want it all."
Think on your feet, if you don't follow up quickly with this one, it won't work. If there is a delay try something like "I forget that you have to eat for two sometimes."

Rember, an ounce of prevention is worth at least a pound of blood that you'd lose if you actually say one of these things to your wife.

Dealing with hormonal pregnant women: don't make them feel crazier

Around 9:30 last night my beautiful and wonderfully pregnant wife tried to strike up a conversation with me while I was embroiled in some intense typing. It was basically a pregnancy snack request, but her approach was a little rough and somewhat out of the blue. The conversation went something like this:

"I'd like a candy bar and a back rub," she said to kick things off.
"A candy bar and a back rub?" I replied quizzically looking up from my laptop. She was laying on the floor doing some light yoga to stretch out her back at the time, and looked up at me with a grin that I just couldn't say no to.
"You're crazy. You know that don't you?" I replied with a smile. I turned my attention back to my screen in an attempt to finish my work before I set out to fetch a Three Musketeers.
"Why? I'm hungry," she said playfully.
"I'll go get you a candy bar," I admitted in a tone slightly frosted with defeat.
She shot back with "What, I can't get a back rub?" in a tone sharper than her initial request. I looked up a little disbelievingly.
"You're un-friggin-believable," I said, shaking my head and continuing to type.

As I neared the end of my work I realized that she hadn't said anything in a few minutes. A few minor sniffles perforated the silence of a commercial break on TV and quickly caught my attention.

"Are you crying?" I asked, somewhat disbelieving.
"No." And she wasn't. Not quite yet.
"What's wrong?" I pried.
As soon as she began to respond the waterworks let loose.
"I'm just really uncomfortable and I feel bad asking you to do all these things..."

She continued down her relatively short list of "why I'm crying" in a tone that sounded like an orgy of critically wounded geese, so I didn't pick up a lot of the finer points. I could tell those points didn't really matter. "My back hurts and I'm sorry that I’m hormonal" were the captions of her pregnancy-fueled, hormonally catalyzed mini-melt down.

I sat down next to her and told her that it was okay and I didn’t mind her requests at all, she just has to work with me a little sometimes. I said that I can only imagine all the changes that she’s going through and I’d do anything I could to help her. That made her cry more because she now felt worse that I was being understanding.

“How about I massage you with a candy bar?” She began to laugh. Laughter is a good way to diffuse a pregnant loon. So I rubbed her back for a little while and eased her back pain woes. The candy bar craving passed on its own at some point during the massage.

A few points of pregnancy wisdom I gleaned from this experience:

1. Don’t make a pregnant woman feel worse than she already does. It’s your job to keep quiet. Putting up with her craziness is the male analogy of experiencing hormones directly, it’s just something you have to go trough as part of pregnancy.

2. A pregnant woman may not even be aware she’s acting strange. If she isn’t, then don’t bring it to her attention. She may forget about what she did later on and only remember your reaction. I'm very lucky that my wife at least realizes when she's being irrational.

3. If a pregnant woman wants food, she wants it five minutes ago.

4. Don’t expect an apology from a pregnant woman, and don’t ask for one. If you happen to get one, that’s icing. Just support her lunacy and cravings, and keep in mind that she’s going through a tough time.

Free and low cost prenatal and neonatal care for pregnant women

Proper prenatal care, nutrition and appropriate medical attention are imperative for a healthy pregnancy. However with ever increasing health insurance and medical costs, it is incredibly expensive to stay insured or cover pregnancy-related expenses out of pocket. The costs of delivery are staggering and the expense of insurance doesn't seem much better.

Even though these costs can be quite prohibitive, there are resources available which may be able to provide free or low-cost prenatal care. In the US, the Health Resources and Services Administration can provide you with information on prenatal services in your area by calling 1-800-311-BABY.

The American Pregnancy Association also has information on insurance for pregnant women, including government-funded Medicaid and WIC programs which provide dietary supplements and referrals to health care services. The APA website also discusses other options for cost control during pregnancy, like delivering at a birthing center versus a traditional hospital.

You can also find out more about prenatal care by contacting the National Women's Health Information Center (NWHIC) at 1-800-994-9662.