Top 10 Things Not to Say to pregnant women. ~ Almost a dad

Top 10 Things Not to Say to pregnant women.

As I've said before, conversation with a pregnant woman is a tricky proposition. Hormones, physical discomfort and general craziness make pregnant women irritable and conversation difficult for dads. That being said, here are ten things an expectant father should never say to the pregnant mother of his children. In the days to follow I'll offer some minor verbal remedies to these foot-in-mouth mistakes if you've ever crossed the line.

Let me preface this list by saying that when I posed a similar question on Yahoo! Answers about the worst thing a fathers have said pregnant women, I received some absolutely horrendous answers. It made me wonder if I had accidentally posted to a group for Jerry Springer guests.

On a serious note and above and beyond the somewhat comical items listed below, pregnancy is not the time to bring up major questions, like whether or not you want to stay with the mother. That is something you should have confronted before you and your partner conceived. If the opportunity previously did not present itself, then wait until the appropriate chance does, but don't just run off. Things often don't work out between people, I understand, but the stress cause abandoning a mother during pregnancy could cause harm to your child.

If you think you just can't handle it and are run off on a woman you got pregnant, grow a set and keep them in your pants next time.

And now, 10 things not to say to a pregnant woman.

1. "I think cankles are sexy. "
Insulting and sarcastic, this one will cost you. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term cankles, it is when a person's ankles are as wide as their calves.
Calves + ankles = cankles.

"Those stretch marks will go away, right?"
Women loath stretch marks and are sensitive about them. You'll probably never see her naked again.

"I'm not going to buy you new clothes if you keep outgrowing them."
Her credit card will probably start smoking soon from overuse during a spite-inspired shopping spree.

"Wow, that woman looks great for having two kids."
You don't say that to a woman who isn't pregnant.

"Why are you so tired?"
She is going to tell you why. In great and graphic detail. She may use one of the pregnancy terms I mentioned before. “Well, maybe because my uterus is stretching to over 1,000 times its normal size!”

"What is wrong with you?"
Have you spoken to a woman before? Do you never learn?

"Will you get me something from the frigde?"
Unless she's within relative proximity to the refrigerator, any item she retrieves from there will be delivered at high speed and aimed at your head.

"You're starting to move like a [anything]. "
Brace yourself, she will both hit you and cry, but not necessarily in that order.

"You're not as much fun as you used to be."
This will go one of two ways, either silence or verbal tirade from her. Either way, don't expect to talk to her for at least another ten minutes. If it does go the way of the tirade, expect some more pregnancy vocab words.

"Are you really going to eat that whole sundae / sandwich / pizza ?"
Don't make a fat joke. Don't make a fat joke. Don't make a fat joke. Just make sure you're not making her feel self conscious about eating and that she does get proper nutrition.


Unknown said...

I'd add one (just read your question on Yahoo about what I gave up to be a dad). The word "No."
Give that one up for about 15 months after you find out about the pregnancy, and instead of using it, gently steer the conversations about reasons why not. The padding and extra verbiage helps soften the blow a bit.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately for all of us expecting fathers, we don't need to say any of these things. All we have to do is think them. I'm pretty sure that even though I'm at work 60 miles away from my fiance, that the simple act of reading this blog has somehow been sensed by her.

Also, a word to the wise. If you're pregnant woman is eating anything. Join in or leave the room. She'll likely take your not eating in her presents as a silent demonstrative comment on how much she is eating at the moment. No words are necessary. Just leave her to her jug of peanutbutter, gallon of pasta, or boatload of icecream. And whatever you do, don't think for a second that she's getting fat. If you do, she'll use the force to stangle you from the other side of the house.