10 Ways To Help Pregnant Women Feel Better ~ Almost a dad

10 Ways To Help Pregnant Women Feel Better


Direct from the Almost A Dad reader survey, here's a list of 10 tried and true ways to help pregnant women feel better, physically and/or emotionally.

1. Back rub / foot massages. This topped the list as AaD reader's favorite way to help their pregnant partners feel better. Pregnant women are often sore and uncomfortable due to increased weight, dietary changes and the fatigue that comes with growing a baby. A massage is a fantastic way to help ease the tension in her neck, back and shoulders. Have her sit on a pillow or lay on her side to make sure she is comfortable and relaxed.

2. Ginger ale. A good old fashioned favorite, ginger has a settling effect on the stomach and can be served in a few different ways. If ingested for an upset tummy or nausea, serve warm and flat. If it just hits the spot, serve cold. Mix with cranberry juice and ice for a refreshing treat and some good vitamins.

3. Time alone / Time to relax. This cuts both ways so be careful; you don't want to leave her alone too long, but you don't want to smother her either. She is tired, hormonal and may need some time to think about all the upcoming changes in her life.

4. Certain foods. Food can be friend or foe to a pregnant woman depending on mood, trimester, health and a host of other factors. Find out what your pregnant partner likes and stock up so she can have it at a moment's notice. Try and find healthy snacks if your partner is at risk of gestational diabetes. Just be prepared that she will suddenly hate what she loved yesterday.

5. Talking. Pregnancy can be as confusing and scary as it is exciting. Pregnant women go through so many physical changes, which says nothing for all of the emotional and even logistical changes you both with encounter. In the face of such a massive life event is helps to have someone to talk to. Give her an attentive ear and share some feelings of your own.

6. Attention / Compliments. Attention and compliments do well even when she's not pregnant. Spend time with her and tell her how beautiful she is and what an amazing mother you think she'll be.

7. Helping her out as much as possible, tasks, chores. Household responsibilities shift during pregnancy, there's no way of getting around it. Expectant mothers tire quickly (physically and emotionally) and often feel poorly a fair percentage of the time. Start by transitioning the chores that involve any lifting or physical exertion. Branch out into the niceties that make it easier for her to relax like some extra cleaning or picking up. Remember that a pregnant woman should never change the cat box.

8. Constant apologies, whether right or wrong. While I don't think you need to become a whipping boy, taking a lighter tack towards proving a point and avoiding conflict with an hormonally charged woman isn't the worst approach in the world.

9. Letting her have her way all the time. I personally disagree with this to some extent, however it came up quite a bit. Like #8, I think that softening your approach and being accomodating is important, but if you totally bow down to every ridiculous whim you may find yourself ready to snap by the end of the pregnancy. It's about balance and understanding that her circumstance is effecting her emotionally. With that in mind, cater to her as much as you can, but preserve your own sanity as you go.

10. Playing it by ear. One reader who seems to have a good handle on what can be a volatile situation wrote "I find that just playing it by ear is best. If she clearly needs space, I give it. If she clearly needs a hug, I give it. If she clearly needs onion rings at midnight, I go out and find them."

And a bonus...

11. Exorcism... because sometimes it's safest to get out of the house for a couple of hours.

58 comments:

Pregnant Father said...

I've found that talking seems to work best. The more we talk, the better she feels. Well, that and exercising with her.

krisgeorge said...

Any experience or suggestions when its twins! People keep telling us "wow you guys are so lucky" My husband and I fail to see our luck! I fear I may drive us both insane well before we're due!!!

baby clothing said...

Good article about '10 ways tohep pregnant women feel better'... very innovative... thanx for sharing...

Anonymous said...

Good suggestions and I'll try just about all of them right now because my 35-week pregnant wife just stormed out of the house. We were supposed to go together to a baby store about 20 miles away but she basically got up and left. It all started when she made a smart comment about not getting her a back massager (there's good reason for that -- she's never liked any of the massage products I have ever given her). After mentioning that I have been doing a lot for her, I slipped up by saying I don't need to keep helping her if I'm just going to be slapped around constantly (a hollow threat indeed). Obviously she didn't take that comment well. Now I'm sitting here reading your blog for the first time after typing "dealing with pregnant women" into Google.

Ninja Mommers said...

Goodness sakes, I wish I had of seen this while I was pregnant with my first. I would have directed husbands attention to this. Insightful, hilarious.. and what a fantastic read!! THANK YOU LOL! Maybe we will read it as a refresher if I have another pregnancy lol.

pregnancypillowsreviews said...

There are some very good suggestions here. Pamper a pregnant woman, that always works.

Anonymous said...

Thanks a lot, very helpful.. at least I hope it does! ;-)

Garth said...

I bought my wife a body pillow for her pregnancy and it made her comfortable so she slept better and so did I.

mommy said...

I am amazed at how thoughtful and understanding you've been during your time with a pregnant wife. The fact that you have an entire blog, and that you take the time to research about women is commendable! I am currently 37 wks and I can relate to so much here...I just wish my husband spent as much time researching pregnancy as he does work. I look forward to reading more of your blog! I need inspiration...and the comment about an open ear is so true...pregnant women have lots of anxiety.

Brady said...

The BEST thing I found to make my wife feel better when she was pregnant was a body pillow. Starting at around 14 weeks she was having real trouble sleeping and she was taking it out on me!

I gave her the body pillow and wow, what a difference it made. She started sleeping soundly and waking up much less often, and she'd wake up without back aches and other pains. She still swears to this day it's the best money we ever spent. I might agree just because it made her much happier (read - less rawr in my direction)!

Paul said...

Thanks for the tips i'll try and give them a go as I can't take any more. Work is stressful and then when I get home I am treated like I am worthless, meaningless and irrelevant. Massive mood swings, hates me touching her, won't give me eye contact, won't smile when I get home from work. It's really, really getting too much and am probably going to explode very soon

Martin said...

This blog is possibly the most helpful thing I have ever stumbled across on the internet. I'm going to print myself a copy (obviously hide it) and hopefully reap the benefit, I'm in a similar position to Paul and I think that the man's emotions and struggles at this time are not well represented enough. Thankyou 'Almost a Dad' you're my saviour!

Anonymous said...

I'm 5 weeks pregnant with my second child, (different father). I will be directing him to this site, and highlighting all the stuff I want him to absorb into his head. Which is pretty much all of it. The 10 tips are fantastic! Your wife is certainly a very lucky woman.

Pappa Ted said...

Being tret like crap makes u feel even worse, its our secong child in 19 months so times are hard due to first baby not sleeping yet...we have 8 days remainin til due date on 2nd baby and the things she says to me are awful...i have been close to leavin whenever she calls me unneeded insults every other day...this site helps but its no excuse for behavin the way she does.....

Kanga'sDaughter said...

I've tried everything, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. These are great tips but watch out, pregnant women sometimes just can't be consoled. As long as they know you're always there when you need them you're on the right track.

Anonymous said...

I have tried everything on this list. I mean everything. and nothing is working.

Anonymous said...

my partner doesn't go out at night and look for food i like. he just sit in front of the computer and just play.it's okey for him that i go out and walk along the park and look for the food i like... hmmmm i hate so much.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Anonymous who's tried everything. In your situation, you should just stick to #11. The Exorcism.

Tattooed Daddy said...

Super funny, and great suggestions. I'll be taking this advice, for sure :)

happychops said...

Great blog, especially the posts from mr anonymous I can totally relate to your situation. I say the littlest things and my wife explodes, she is so sensitive and its beenhard to accept but I keep forgetting she is hormonal and heavily pregnant. Good work, no.11 is one i will try next "May the power of christ compel you!" lol

Anonymous said...

is it normal for my pregnant fiance to not want to even speak to me unless she wants food or somethin? its really confusin to me shes only 10 weeks will she be like this the whole time? definitely need some help with this one.

Anonymous said...

I feel like im not wanted

Anonymous said...

The one piece of advice which seems to ring true again and again is. Your wife is quite likely crazy, but put up with it. Once the baby is born she will turn back into a loving wife and won't even remember the person she became.. Stick with it!! Get a calendar and count down the days to seeing your wife again:-)

Anonymous said...

Yes I think it's very normal.mine won't even kiss me or let me touch her.sometimes I'm asked to give her a back rub.i think there are generally two kinds of pregnancies for guys to go through.the one that's great and fun....and the one that just sucks!either way it's all about making her feel beautiful and loved.and most of all listen,man I can't stress that enough!just hang in there and keep her in mind in everything you do till the baby is born.

Anonymous said...

so my fiance tells me she wants more kids,after I get back from afghanistan...things get rough between us.im closed off,dont want to talk to her and then one day she tells me she is falling in love with me all over agian.to make this short!shortly after this she finds out she is pregnant and it starts.first the sex stops,she doesnt want it at all,then it hurts her.I underrstand that.but then she stops talking to me all together and acts like she doesnt want anything to do with me.its like no matter what i do for her its not apprieciated.and I totally understand she is feeling like the ugliest person in the world with the worst pains but im trying like all heck to be here and make her feel better.all Im aloud to do is give her back rubs.just really needed to vent i guess but im trying these suggestions and hoping the nitemare ends soon.going into the second trimester!

Anonymous said...

To all you men complaining you feel unloved/worthless ect, while I understand where you're coming from. Imagine for a second the worst man flu you've ever had. Now imagine that lasting for 9 months. Imagine not being able to sleep it off. Imagine all the foods and things you would have once found comfort in now having the opposite effect? Imagine loosing the figure that once gave you confidence. Finally imagine a certain part of  your anatomy never quite being the same. I think you'd be a bit miserable right? And thats just the tip of the iceberg.  Woman do act up, we can be unreasonable, selfish and we don't know when to shut up. But the fact of that matter is, we go through all of this to have a child with the man we love. So next time you feel invisible because of our mood swings, just remember all that crap comes from a place of love. And the end result, kinda worth it dont you think?

Anonymous said...

My wife and I are pregnant with our second baby now. I can Definitely say the second Pregnancy is rougher than the first. Yes, she is moody, grumpy, and sometimes hateful. Yes, little things set her off. I left a can of sprite on the table and well, I won't make that mistake again, lol.
Through it all, I know she loves me, I know I love her, and I know it gets better once the baby comes.

swilliams6387 said...

My lady is pregnant with our 4th child (8, twins are 6, all girls hoping for a boy)and its a nightmare! She argues bout everything from morning until night. She doesn't want me to touch her or hold her at night anymore. She pinches me constantly and pushes my touch away when i try to hug her or kiss her.She constantly throws up and have heartburns. She lays down most of the day and doesn't have interest in home cooked food. She has backaches and headaches probably caused from yelling at me or the kids all day. She is only 4 months. i need help. I don't know what to do. I try to give her her way sometimes but it seems to not work.Im not much of a talker and I spend alot of time on the computer doing work but I do make time for her. Somebody help me.

swilliams6387 said...

My lady is pregnant with our 4th child (8, twins are 6, all girls hoping for a boy)and its a nightmare! She argues bout everything from morning until night. She doesn't want me to touch her or hold her at night anymore. She pinches me constantly and pushes my touch away when i try to hug her or kiss her.She constantly throws up and have heartburns. She lays down most of the day and doesn't have interest in home cooked food. She has backaches and headaches probably caused from yelling at me or the kids all day. She is only 4 months. i need help. I don't know what to do. I try to give her her way sometimes but it seems to not work.Im not much of a talker and I spend alot of time on the computer doing work but I do make time for her. Somebody help me.

i want off this ride said...

OK so reading the comments all of them sounded similar Mine is well "I don't know or were too start but here go's" My wife has never really been interested in kids, where as I have always wanted them. 19 wks ago she finds out that she is pregnant, in telling me the news she immediately followed with saying she would have documents drawn up for me to sign saying I would not be responsible for supporting it. Now we were not married at the time but we had made life commitments to each other. and have know each other for 15 plus years been in a committed relationship for 5 years Now she is reclusive I haven't seen here in two week she will stay in here room and wont come out do I press and invade here sanctuary the verbal abuse seems like BS Because while I have not had a flu for nine months but I have been bead ridden for nine weeks and the last thing I would do is be abusive to my family or friends in spite how utterly miserable I felt. I know its all about them but how can you keep getting kicked and pretend nothing is wrong I keep reading in the posts when the baby is born you get your wife back but what about the mental and phycological effects on myself and the relationship after all she might not remember, I do! and Im sorry the hormones reason it always feels that there is some intent as if there is a "I don't have to do shit for shit with shit Free Pass" behind the crazy tantrums It seems counter productive maybe just down right masakistic but abusive and why is it ok? I don't know what to think any more and my sense of self is destroyed and make me not want to keep trying.
Help......

Anonymous said...

My boyfriend and i are nine weeks prego and we cant seem to make the other person happy im going crazy feel unloved i barley see him he feels in over dramatic and needs to change to understand him and how to be with him but yet i am not reciving that in return he promises he will change but he has been promising for five years and now we have a baby on the way and don't know if we can be together

Anonymous said...

I am 25 weeks pregnant. I split up with the father in the early days of pregnancy but we remained friends and he said he wanted to be as involved as possible. I don't quite know what he means by this as he's never there unless it suits him. He has been to the scans and says he wants to be at the birth, but he has done nothing...absolutely nothing...to help me through what is a really difficult pregnancy. (It's my 3rd and his 1st). He knows that I'm not coping well mentally or physically yet has never once said 'is there anything I can do to make things easier or less stressful for you?' He did say he would help with my garden but over a month later there was still no sign of him helping me out. He doesn't understand the hormonal moods and takes them personally despite me telling him I can't control my hormones or how I feel.

Things have now reached the point that I just don't want him around anymore, although I'm his ex I've made every effort to involve him yet he acts like I'm an insignificant baby carrier. I've never felt more ill, exhausted or lonely and can't understand, if he really wants this baby, how he can leave me to struggle so much on my own with everything. I feel like I'm being punished for something but I don't know what.

Things have now reached the point where I don't even want him at the birth. I know this may sound unreasonable but I feel that it's not on that he gets to pick and choose what he is there for. He hasn't been there for me so I don't see why he should get the privelidge (think that's spelt wrong!) of being there at my most vulnerable and painful time. I am in desperate need of help and support so have hired a doula instead.

Anonymous said...

I'm a first time pregnancy and must say right about now I feel really bad for men because we women really do go insane from all this momentarily. I think as women its important to reflect on what others are going to feel during a pregnancy keep it in mind as much as possible and not let the brat get the best if us, just breath. It is the most vulnerable feeling ever to be pregnant. Just ride the wave dear fathers to be and trust in your inner strenght as men. We are born for love no one said it would be all soft ;)

nick franklyn said...

Hi a bit random and not related go the tips above but my wife is expecting and only 12a weeks but has started sleeping a lot like most of the day and all night is this normal

Anonymous said...

thanks , thought it was only my girlfriend till i read all this ,made me feel abit better about it

Anonymous said...

Just have to say I am 13 weeks pregnant and def hasn't been easy and yes I have flipped out but always calm down and talk it out with my husband. I think some of the problems you are all facing is insecurities with yourself and your spouses insecurities. Her body is changing to something she doesn't recognize or feel comfortable in and it is communication and reassuring her that will help. My husband and I are best friends and we keep nothing from each other. No matter how irrational or just retarded a thought might be, we share it with each other and talk it out. If you are struggling with your spouse, stop focusing on negatives because it makes nothing better. Leave notes on the mirror with a dry erase marker for each other, send texts, be kind and only kind until you can rebuild what is damaged. During pregnancy we feel like failures!! Our relationship struggles, sex life struggles, washing dishes becomes a major task!! The role we had in the home has changed and now taking a shower feels like manual labor!! There is no excuse for hatefulness but there is also no excuse for doing it in return! Good luck and stay positive because as long as you are staying positive and doing your best, everything will work out!! Buy her some comfy maternity pajamas or a gift certificate for pregnancy massage..:)

HelpingDaughter said...

i am a 13 yr old girl. don't try thinking that i am pregnant because i'm not. it's my mom. You see, my mom is having her 3rd child and now that i am older and understand a few more things that i didn't back when my mom had her 2nd child (i was 7), i have noticed things with my mom including: keen sense of smell, morning sickness, mood swings, etc. i couldn't simply take it anymore (with my mom being sick and having to throw up every time she entered a diffrent room because it SMELLED) so while my mother was taking a bath (she takes a long time) i cleaned the 1/2 bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, the dining room, my room, her room, and my brother's room. after she came out of the full bathroom i cleaned it too.the house smells fresh and she obviously feels better. i found this and decided to write it down to give to my stepdad (who works from 6 to 8) so he can ACTUALLY help out... bye i have to do my homework

Cody Payne said...

My wife is 22 weeks of what has felt like 3 years of pregnancy. I'm trying to think outside of the box here because the seemingly less times she is happy I end up sleeping on the couch and I want her to know I completely support her pregnancy and want to play a large role in it. I wish there was a way to make her feel more confident and trusting of me but seems no matter how hard I try it doesn't work. She doesn't realize how much I love her and care about her and this pregnancy. I wish I knew that magical trick that would help her understand.... Any advise would be appreciated.

Cody Payne said...

Looking to make this experience a good one for my beautiful wife. I need help letting her know how she means to me and how proud I am that she fights the fight of pregnancy for our family. What can I do to give her security that she is the ONLY woman I could ever want in my life? If we could rid of the insecurities she has that I would rather have someone else now that she is showing in our pregnancy so much I think it would fix so many things... suggestions would be appreciated..

Anonymous said...

Figure it this way, guys. Your level of involvement in the pregnancy is entirely voluntary, hers is not. She has hormones that are beyond her control and her body is creating new organs as well as the baby itself. She gets no break. All of the pain, hormonal responses, and exhaustion are not optional for her. If you feel like crap because you think she is being too hard on you, try and imagine how much more horrible she must be feeling to act that way. And then remember that you can walk away and escape the negative feelings, but she can't. Everywhere she goes, she's still pregnant, while you're only affected by it second hand.

Anonymous said...

You're kind of awesome.

Anonymous said...

This was amazing! Wish I could get my SO to pretend to care that I'm 24 weeks pregnant long enough to read this. I don't ask for much...no back rubs no foot rubs no going out at midnight for cravings even no body pillow but I would like some help. Sitting in front of the TV while I lug all the laundry I just washed up the steps is not okay! I wish there were more men like you!

abner fernandez said...

Love it!
To the point, articulate and very interesting,
Thanks

andy c said...

Ive found that talking things through lightens the load on both sides.hand massages help to relax also.

Anonymous said...

Hi there I can kind of relate to all this my partner is 10 wks pregnant and she's split up with she has another child but its dad didnt want nothing to do with him I've taken him on as my own and he's never wanted for anything but now cos I said about money worrys and how her son would take to another mentioning abortion but she can't as we both agree that isn't a option but she says she doesn't want me no more and that's in back of her head even though if I didn't want it I would of done what the last dad would of done an scarper but she says she don't feel the same about me and we she split up with me I love her I really do I provide for both of them she has a part time job that doesn't pay much what do I do hang on in there or do I just let her go ?? Please help

Anonymous said...

Wow I'm bout to be a dad and reading most of these comments really make me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one out there going through this. I've been so confused on weather I should just put up with her craziness, attitude, unnecessary smart comments, verbal abuse and extra. After all I do is bend over backwards and work and try to spend every minute with her. At the same time in one ear I'm getting " stop babying her" and in the other I'm hearing " do everything even if you know she's wrong still let her be right " I don't know I'm just venting. I honestly been doing everything to keep her happy but I feel like I don't get that love back now that she is pregnant the things she has said. I hope it's the hormones talking. It's been like this since she got pregnant and she is 6months. She was never like that before. I'm not being soft I'm just tryna be a good man and take care of her. I always reminded her that I would always be there through thick and thin. But I wish she could show that love back to.

Anonymous said...

What if she's just too hormonal and crazy at the same time. What do you do, what do you do!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm the same my fiancée is only 8 Weeks gone I work full time I cook clean do everything but wipe her ass and have been like that since I got with her. This is her second pregnancy but has gone so unloving its unreal never felt this low in my life I love sex but its a distant memory atm but before we were having it 5 times a day so gutted :(

teresa_cho said...

It's just too bad that my husband won't do any of these things!! He still expects me to wait on HIM hand and foot (because he has a job! As if i don't!!) I also have a two year old and only 11 weeks and am struggling keeping up with everything by myself!! Sigh....

Anonymous said...

Good advice even though my husband still expects ME to wait on HIM hand and foot. Because he is the one that has a "job" (as if being pregnant and taking care of a two year old 24 hours a day isn't a "job!")I keep telling him he is lucky because most pregnant women demand to be waited on! I'm still doing everything by myself and he still does not help me! He won't even make an effort to be nice to me and I'm always crying...sigh. It sucks being pregnant. The least you could do is pick up your socks off the floor and TRY to be nice once in a while!

Anonymous said...

Don't worry you just gotta take a deep breath show her you can take whatever she dishes out at you and impress her by still loving on her believe me I kno I'm only 19 and so is my pregnant gf and she's crazy but she really loves that I'm still here. Try talking to the baby too

Anonymous said...

Hello. I'm 19 weeks. And after having my hormonal changes. I can understand where you men are coming from but please hear me out! I've gone from a 25 inch waist with DD chest some what clean skin to a fatty with acne. My body has changed so fast I feel weird even looking at me. My insecurities have left me single as I've pushed my other half away with all the anxiety and feelings that he didn't care. He showed no emotion or excitement with the pregnancy I've been to 98 % of my appointments alone with a high risk pregnancy. I'm sore tired and feel drained. If you take the time to show her she's important I'm sure once the first trimester passes she'll be more open and loving with you. I know you think it's silly. But there is soooo many changes going on emotionally physically and mentally with pregnancy, unless your going threw it you won't understand. Every pregnant woman is different. Be there for her even on her bad days. It'll pay off.

Anonymous said...

wow I have to say after last night I couldn't believe it usually she would not let me touch her and she has been having such a hard time sleeping we have 8 more weeks to go and today I rub her feet I love all the feedback on this thank you everybody and thanks for some of the funny stuff too I also found that even if I'm right and she's wrong as long as I do not even try to say I'm right avoids conflict which is wonderful ..thank you everybody!!!!!!

Christine Smith said...

Every husband should read this!

Anonymous said...

Im 9 months pregnant and reminded 4times a day how I do nothing around the house, my bf makes HUGE deliberate messes throughout the house and RARELY goes to work, so its not like he doesnt have the time. I have a three year old whos DYING to go outside for an afternoon, I can not physically chase him and he wont take him out. He wont help with anything,at all. I got so mad today about the way the kitchen looks, we had a fight, theres a box in the living room for him to put his stuff in and leave, and hes playing video games right now

Anonymous said...

Hi, it's refreshing that can see it from both sides.
My girlfriend is moody all the time but I've learnt to step back and when she wants something she will ask.
The hormones are no reason to be mean and nasty but I understand how it must be and that you can't control them..
So, lads.. take a BUG deep breath, back off and when the hormones calm down you'll be needed..

We hope..
Good luck dad's to be.. we all need it (inc our gf's)

Anonymous said...

Im 34 weeks pregnant with my first child. There are some men who are good men and supportive and make the pregnancy enjoyable. And some men think well all women have kids you are fine, and dont have any sympathy. And it makes us women more mad to see articles like this bc that's all we want. Im in so much pain from my back to feet, I ask for a massage and he says where is mine when ive done a few small ones this week. My dr put me on bed rest due, and so now I get even less help bc im not working when he just sells cars so his job is easy. Men who write this, make us pregos crazy bc most of our husband's dont help or make us feel supported.

Veronica said...

Glad to see there are husbands out there who are supportive and care enough to try and make their wives a bit more comfortable. My husband unfortunately acts like it's business as usual, I don't even think he remembers that I'm about 4 months pregnant. He has to win every disagreement we have and acts like i'm off my rocker if I get upset about anything. He was pretty great with my first pregnancy. But my second, it's like it's not even happening for him and I'm just being needy and a pain in the ass for him to deal with. It's really very upsetting.