Dealing with pregnant women, a survey about what dads don't say ~ Almost a dad

Dealing with pregnant women, a survey about what dads don't say

Everybody wants answers, but sometimes you need to ask a few questions first.

One of the most frequent ways men find this blog is through the search term "dealing with pregnant women" on Google. I find it interesting that the term "dealing" is used, as it clearly suggests that there's some issues with pregnant women which are causing problems for expectant fathers; that there is something to be "dealt" with in the first place.

However, beyond search referrals from that term, and even from my personal reading and research, the things about pregnant women that really bother expectant fathers are not clearly stated out there in the world. It may not only be difficult to find other fathers with similar experiences, but it may be that there isn't much out there for them to find.

Part of the pregnancy experience for men is that they in fact do not feel allowed to express themselves in fear of upsetting the mother. Furthermore, saying something about the difficulties of pregnancy may subject a man to critical judgment from others. Men are made to think that doing so would be selfish. After all, it's all about her isn't it? Or is it difficult, but very different, for both of you?

The problem is, without anyone to talk to or to share in this time, a man can easily feel marginalized. I am very lucky in that my wife and I communicate well with eachother. I can tell her that she's being a nut job (in different terms) and she won't hit me or yell at me. Likewise she tells me when I'm being a pain or not being adequately supportive. It doesn't mean that I don't fear for my testicles on a regular basis, but a lot of other couples are not so lucky and it can be an incredibly trying experience.

So here I am, I'm your sounding board. Post comments, email me, let me know what's bothering you about pregnant women and I'll try and get you an answer. I have a 10 question survey if you feel so inclined, but let me hear it. You need someone to commiserate with, not just share in the high times.

Survey link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=KPhqJr5Kz0QShATNbRKXbQ_3d_3d

96 comments:

Bewley93010 said...

The word "dealing" is the best term for it. You are trying to make things the best you can, but can only "deal" with the repercussion of any minor discrepancies or inconveniences that come along the way. Meaning, when shes pissed, you are the first one to hear about it, and from that, just absorb it and smile!

tee said...

Hi my name is John, a student from RMIT University, Australia. I am so excited when i bump into your website and read this about "Almost a dad". I am currently doing my major project regarding about: How does a father relate emotionally to his pregnant wife? This seems similar to the topic you're talking about. And I really do hope to have this conversation going and hear your opinions.

Anonymous said...

My wife is in the very early parts of pregnancy and I dont think she is eating the correct things. Like a fool I mentioned it and now she has blown a gasket. Are men just supposed to sit by and say nothing about what they eat?

Bill, almost a dad said...

I would say something because it is your child, too and proper nutrition is crucial. The trick is in the delivery. Try not to make it sound like you're criticizing her, but helping the baby.

Find a third party source of information to which you can refer her. Say things like "I read that their lungs are developing now and apples are really good for that development." Another approach is to leave articles where she will read them, or have her mother or a friend advise her similarly.

A pregnant woman will take the same advice from another woman that she criticizes you for giving, so find a different method of delivering the message.

Anonymous said...

My thing is that my girlfriend says I am unsupportive to her and I seem to not be able to find the words to sooth her. I take care of things around the house, rub her back every night, tell her I love her and think she is beautiful, but find that's not helping any advice??

Bill, almost a dad said...

My best advice, although not much consolation, is to just keep trying to be as helpful as possible. There is lots of biting your tongue, there is lots of just taking it on the chin. Keep in mind that because her hormones are going crazy, she may not always be the same person she was before. She's not doing it intentionally. Also keep in mind, it's only temporary.

Make sure you're taking care of yourself as well. Get some exercise, even if it's just walking and push ups. Eat right and get enough sleep. Those simple steps help you feel better, deal with stress more appropriately and will help you get through it all without blowing your top. Keep doing nice things for her, get away when you can for some 'you' time and hang in there.

Rhetorical Device said...

dear bill...

im sure that there are lots of pregnant women out there who are reading ur blog and feeling sorry for their parners...

i had one hearty laugh... and continue to do so ech time i read a new post.

u made my day...

also.. husband has begun to derive me crazzy with his "i love u"s ... thanks to ur blog!!

love it anyways..

Phaticus said...

Greetings, My girlfriend is in her first trimester and her hormones are running rampant!! I have been doing absolutely everything in my power to try and keep her happy (including every house task) and I'm finding it extremely mentally and emotionally draining. I know that I have a lot of patience however it is quickly running out. I'm trying so hard and I've gone far and beyond being supportive, but I'm receiving nothing but malice and hatred in return. Could you suggest something for me to do so I don't lose my mind?!?

Bill, almost a dad said...

Hi Phaticus,

Not sure if you do any form of exercise, but that's a great way of keeping your cool and relieving stress. Especially lifting weights, but if you can't get to a gym do some push ups. Get out for a few minutes by yourself when you can, even if it's just running to the grocery store. Find someone to talk to, a friend or family member, being able to vent a little bit will help your situation.

Good luck and hang in there. It's temporary and kids are awesome.

Bill

Anonymous said...

I really don't know what to say. I am 17 weeks, and I know what I feel and think is irrational, and I try to curb it, but sometimes it gets out. Your blog has me convinced my husband is a saint. I think I am going to put in his nomination today. Honestly, I believe this is why my boobs got so big. It was God's way of saying, "Look, your wife is going to be miserable for the next nine months. Here are some new toys to distract you."

Anonymous said...

I just want my wife to realize that you can only do one thing at a time. And what will get done will get done and we cannot control everything. She is a lunatic.

Jamie said...

As it turns out, my wife loves me but hates living with me because she cleaned my bathroom yesterday. This is the first house chore she has performed in 4 months. I have done everything I can to be a good husband (including finishing the basement to make more room for baby) and nothing is good enough. I'm at the point og giving up and not talking to her. I'm tired of being beaten up psychologically.
I know this is more of a light-hearted comment board, but her lack of sanity has really put a strain on our marriage. Any advice?

third time's a ......... said...

This is our third child.My wife is now 6 months. She has me convinced that she will be leaving with our children and moving out as soon as she finds a job and an apartment. It may sound funny but I am in hell and fear of her actually doing it. Our first pregnancy had quite a few moments of irrational behavior but nothing to the extremes of this. I guess my question is how do I know if what she is saying is truth or pregnancy talking? Do I just sit idoly by and watch her make moves that would destroy what we have built. I understand what she is looking down the barrel of.I am sure she feels traped and yes I have told her that I understand in a supportive way, with kid gloves.Someone told me with our first child that it took her Nine months to get their so it might take nine months to get her back.Maybe i just need somewhere to vent this nonesense to.

Bill, almost a dad said...

Hi Third Time,

I mentioned this above, but exercise a great way of keeping your cool and relieving stress. If you can't get to a gym do some push ups.

Get out for a few minutes by yourself when you can, even if it's just running to the grocery store. Find someone to talk to, a friend or family member, being able to vent a little bit will help your situation.

I don't know what to tell you about your wife. I'd like to say that it's just the hormones. I don't think you should think otherwise or make decisions based on her current behavior until the hormones are out of the equation. Try to calm her down when you can, make her feel safe and supported and make sure that you're paying lots of attention to the 2 kids you already have. When she sees how good you are with them, she may realize she's acting irrationally. Just make sure you're giving her reasons why she should stay.

Good luck and hang in there.

Bill

Anonymous said...

This is me and girlfriend first child together she already has four other children by some one else.I need help with dealing with her hormones . I CANT do nothing right.I cant say the right things.I already have a son by another woman but the things i am going therew in this pregnancy is so crazy,she just told me to today to get out because I forgot it was one of her children birthdays and i had to go to the bathroom so she got mad at me and said thats my baby.The night before she did not come home because she did not feel like talking to me.I love her children a hole lot I Treat them like my own, that made me feel bad she just said what about me. What I am not suppose to have any feelings. I am just so tired I do not know if I if am coming or going. I so stressed I not know to do with my self .SHE IS GETTING ON MY LAST NERVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to leave but my heart is here with her the children and the baby on the way.What am i suppose to do in this situation? I need help

Anonymous said...

Hi Bill

Let me say I think this is just great that you are trying to help these men get through this. And guys... its nice to know that there are some out there that want to help and understand what uis women are going through.

I am 12 weeks pregnant with my first child. The father and I were in our first month of dating when I found out. We had our disagreements on what to do about this but thats beside the point. I am mildly bipolar but I take a low dose of medicine and I gotta tell ya it makes everything better and I feel like the person I am inside. Now that I am pregnant I seem to be losing grip on coping with anything or even giving my man the slightest freedom. Okay wait let me explain. I love to drink so I told him he cant be drinking during this time or I will leave him because I dont want to make a bad choice because he is being an idiot. I have issues with the things he says and he has already had a child with another woman so everything he tries to tell me about my pregnancy just feels like a slap in the face. These things wouldnt bother me so much if he could stop to realize that I am confused and feel bad enough that Im thinking irrationally I dont need to be told about it to or have him get mad that I bitch about things. I dont tell him what to do but bitching just helps get it out sometimes. I dont feel like he is sensitive to the way I am feeling or even tries to understand although he says "ive already have a kid i know what your going through". If you have any advice for me to try to get him to understand why I am acting so much different, and how to deal with it then that would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you very much for helping and letting me rant lol.

Teafiend said...

Hi all,

Just found this blog and it seems that I'm not the only person who is asking myself a lot of questions at the moment. Girlfriend is 17 weeks pregnant, has had an awful time of it so far with morning sickness.
However I seem to be completely distant from her. I feel like I am so close to the wire all the time and a complete explosion is just one wrong footstep away. She has started to swear and scream at me with things like "shut the fu#k up" and "fu#k" off for the most trivial of things. I just don't think that this is "normal" for somebody to have so much venom for the person they apparently love. Then I get accused of getting her into that state in the first place and that I'm going to cause her to have a mis-carriage (words which hurt so much). I am trying hard to bite my tongue but each argument seems to last for days at a time without any real resolution. At what point does it become something more than hormonal? I'm concerned for her health, baby's health and in all honesty my health. Throughout the entire pregnancy the only thing that has actually worked effectively is staying away as much as possible but I hate this. She is quite happy to spend days in another room, barely able to talk to me. Probably just sounding off but nice to know other people experience similar things. Feels like we are both going slowly mad!

Phaticus said...

Teafiend, welcome to dealing with a Mother to be. In your case, things might be quite a bit more fragile as your girlfriend is only 17. You have to remember that at 17 she is already hormonal as it is, then add to the fact that her hormone levels are going off the chart with the extreme changes that her body and mind are going through.
My girlfriend is 23 years old and can act like a 7 year old sometimes... that would be the hormones. My biggest piece of advice is to try and be as supportive as you can. I know you may feel like you can't seem to do enough for her to make her happy, but the best thing you can do for her is tell her how much she means to you, that you Love her, and how you are so proud of her for having the strength to endure the process that is pregnancy.
Another key factor is to keep biting that tongue... if you browse through some of the posts you will see that I have been close to biting my tongue clean off a few times. Do what you can to try and keep a clean and level head as much as possible. If that involves 'venting' to a friend or family member, then do it, because that allows you to get rid of some of the anger and frustrations that you may be feeling, and it also opens up suggestions from that particular family member / friend.
Go for a walk, go to the Gym, do whatever it takes to try and stay calm. Blowing up is never a good Idea. You gotta remember, as much as she 'seems' like she hates you and would like to see you die in a fire, chances are she is looking to you for love and support (even though she has a really strange way of showing it lol), and there is no more important time then now, to show her that you are, and will continue to be there for her.
As Bill once said to me, "Keep your Chin up" because it will be a long and hard road to the due date.
My girlfriend has 8 weeks to go, and I'm sure everything that I've experienced and gone through will be more than worth it in the end.

Bob said...

My Girlfriend and I have been planing a Wedding for this October, and were surprised to find out recently that we are pregnant, so we decided to postpone the wedding and save up as much money as we can for when the Baby comes. That being said, I am going to college full time, trying to finish within a year so that I can get a job to support a family, I work two jobs on top of school, which consume about 60 hours per week, and never have any time to rest. The problem is... She still Flips out on me and tells me that I am not making enough money and need to get another job, or a better job. Well, I make as much as I possibly can hourly without having a college degree, but she still has to work to help save up money and pay for an apartment. It seems like Everything I do is not good enough, and when I ask her what to change to make things better, she has no suggestions. What Can I do? I feel like I'm doing all that I can, and its still not good enough. We got into a huge arguement about it today because I couldnt take it anymore and she said all kinds of mean things to me about being a screw up and shes going to do it all on her own, and i'm never going to see my child. PLEASE HELP ME!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey my name is aaron-

My future wife and I are both currently deployed to iraq. We found out she was prego about 2 weeks ago... After reading everyone's posting in here I would like to say thank you to all.

I guess the things that im going through arn't out of the norm. I am glad that she is being irrational because that seems to say things are going well haha. How F-ed up does that sound.

I also feel like a stronger man knowing that i can cope with these stress and being deployed to iraq at the same time! HOOAH DAD

nlongoni said...

my wife and i have been married for less than two months and have known we were having a baby for less than that. ever since she has gotten pregnant, my life has turned to hell. we sleep in seperate beds, she is always questioning the person i am, saying i have changed, she is unapproachable, she judges everyone, she cant stand to be around me and other various annoyances. i dont know what to do. she is a pretty intense person to begin with but her pregnancy has made things worse. i cant wait to have a baby, it is my first but her second. the father of her first child has nothing to do with him. i dont know what to do. i just want to go off on her and defend myself but she gets so enraged.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I are in a "blended" family and this is "our" first pregnancy, but our fifth child together. My husband is a physician and our differences stem from his not knowing how to "punch out". Physicians are trained to now get emotionally involved with patients and sometimes my husband does just that with me. I am 8+ months pregnant and an on the verge of getting preeclampsia which might result in an induction delivery. When I told my husband about the date my doctor picked out, he immediately became upset because it was an "inconvenience" with his work schedule. That HURT me deeply and I just cannot understand how he oould possible feel this way. I am 42 years old and this pregnancy has been difficult, but the stresses of being a doctor's wife are indefinite. How can a father and husband NOT know when to put his family first? In addition, whenever we have an argument lately, he threatens me with "finding someone else". Is this normal for a man to react? He also questions my doctor's and my decisions based on what he THINKS is right from his LIMITED EXPERIENCE. He is NOT an OB/GYN and my first mistake was to think he knew a lot about pregnancy -- he knows just about as much as my 11-year-old son!!! How can I get his attention? Crying does not even phase him a bit.

Anonymous said...

Is it possible for husband and pregnant wife when they have an important problem or considerations to address together, to enjoy an open, patient, intelligent and polite talk? It does not matter would the problem be resolved or not. What really matters is that by talking in a civil way they would feel good about each other and both of them - and nobody would needlessly feel hurt. It is almost impossible.

What I deal with from time to time is twisted truth, overreactions and horrible statements about me, making me feel that my lovely pregnant wife (see the post above) does not respect my efforts to help her and us to go throughout pregnancy. She makes me feel like I am the worst person on the world. This painful outbursts of emotional supernovas erupting from my wife usually happen when she is challenged in her statements, opinions or requests. The most painful to me is when she distorts the truth and when she says I am selfish, jerk, crazy, liar, uncaring and more censored examples of her hurtful statements to me or even worse - about me to others. Of course, so humiliated by person I truly love and give to, I wonder why she is with me. I told her that I am doing my best and could not do more - and If she believes what she feels or says I am not the right person for her. I also wonder where I find energy to endure such emotional pain.

Shortly - my wife sometimes speaks and acts irrationally and I hope and believe it is mainly pregnancy related. Fortunately it does not happen often and it looks like open communication helps on the long run.

To you guys here going through the same, please remember - you are not only one going through this - or even worse: Bite your tongue (small piece at the time - you will need some for later) wash dishes, do laundry and grocery, make meals, clean the house, take care of kids and give a lot of time and attention to your lovely wife and then if any time left, do something fun for you (I run). If she insults you please do not take it to the heart. It really does not matter who is right - your wife is pregnant and let her be right and wait for mother nature to take care of the rest and then enjoy your child and the best of your wife :)!

Anonymous said...

I know this Blog is for men...but I am at a loss. I am only a mere 7 weeks pregnant. Baby is due 2 months before our wedding. I COMPLETELY understand that my fiance is nervous and stressed out by this. (I am stressed as well). We both just started new careers, he is starting up his company (and I work 7 days a week - some for 3 hours other for 12). My issue is that EVERYTHING he says is negative. He just started his company, so things are slow for him right now (as for bringing home money - currently I am paying most of the bills). Every positive step he makes with work, I tell him how proud I am of him and that things are really going to start taking off now etc....but he returns that with a negative comment (It's still too slow etc). I continuously tell him that he needs to think positive as negative thinking attracts negative energy. This last week, all I hear from him is "I'm broke and I have a baby on the way" "Why does life have to throw all of this at me all at once" "Why couldn't we have been married before getting pregnant". Then last night his best friend was over saying he felt nasuia and that he had a head ache and a back ache. I started laughing...and said "so do I"...and he said "oh oh - I'm having sympathy pains for you" So I told them that actually, there are men who do have sympathy pains for women and experience some of the same symptoms as their spouse. His reaction was "Do you actually think that by some miricle a man will feel the same symptoms as a women when she's pregnant - Could it actually be that he is stressed out which is why he is puking and eating more - not actually having sympathy pains". I just looked at him and shook my head. I know that it most likely is that reason, but again - completely negative.

I try to be positive, not cry, hold myself together. (I am already an emotional person but have been acting dead not showing when Iam upset. I don't cry at home), Be there for him and what he is going through - but how the heck do I kick him in the head and say "I need someone there for me - I'm the one who is pregnant" with out being a b****.

I told him this morning that all he is doing is being negative, it doesn't feel like he wants this baby and that I am frusterated that he doesn't touch me. No sex, no hug and barely a kiss.

Please someone tell me, I am begging, how I am supposed to cope and deal with this?

you can email me at jenn_emlau@hotmail.com if you like

I really appreciate it

Anonymous said...

As I read these blogs, it does make me feel better that I'm not alone when it comes to an emotional pregnant woman. However, my problem came before my fiancee got pregnant, it just amplified with the pregnancy.

I love her to death and her 15 month daughter from a previous relationship. I am more of a dad than her birth father, who wants nothing to do with her. Yet, this guy seems to have done everything right during the whole pregnancy and then walked out 6 weeks later on fathers day.

I have a 14 yr old from my first marriage that lives with us because her mom is deceased. My fiancee doesn't seem to have the patients with a teenager and my daughter is not getting the attention she needs, especially from me with spending all my time with my fiancee's daughter, now shes upset another baby will take away what attention she might get.

My fiancee says I'm not spending enough time with her, not being supportive and want to argue with her all the time (we do seem to fight a lot). She is a month pregnant and for the past 5 months she just complains about everything I do or say, now its 4X worse. I try to talk reasonable with her, she takes what I say the wrong way or I say nothing at all. She gets mad at all of it. Whenever I try to explain myself, she says, "It's all about you and no one else", than threatens to leave because she doesn't care anymore. I could go on, but I think this is enough to see where I'm coming from.

I have always put others before me and still do with my fiancee. Hardly get time to myself, which is ok with me when it comes to my family (just as I did with my first wife). So there comes times when I feel unappreciated and attacked for doing my best (which lately I feel is not enough to make her happy) and the argueing is wearing on both of us. I bite my tongue so much, but there are times when I slip if I feel like she is attacking me and I defend myself (which is where she claims I want to argue), not to mention she tells her family and co-workers everything making me feel like I am a horrible man.

I never had this issue with my first wife. So this is all new to me and I am worried as to the outcome, for all of us. Especially her and the babies well being, I'm so confussed and stressed as to what is the right thing. I go to the gym from 1 to 2 hrs 5 days a week (if I can), the rest of the time I am never alone or always have something to do. Yes, I don't get much sleep and not much of an appetite.

So; what and how do I make things better? or she will walk out.

Anonymous said...

My wife and I am expecting our first child in two months. My wife has been pretty much miserable the complete time. No matter what I do or say never really helps. I feel all the information supplied from web sites and leaflets justify the behaviour. Stating its hormones and my wife cant help herself for feeling this way. My wife reads all this and feels that acting as she has is normal.Reading the accumulative accounts of thousands of pregnant women problems and behaviour. Frankly this "dealing with it" is affecting our marriage. If I moaned and self obsessed about every part of my body this past seven months I am positive I`d be on the street.

1stTymer said...

I turn 34 this month, and my "friend" is pregnant with what would be my first child. I say "friend" because I'm pretty sure she broke up with me. Right now, I really don't know what's going on or what to think. She has two children already, and she told me a couple of days ago (in a moment of sanity) that she doesn't hate me, it's just hormones.

We have a very young relationship, and weren't planning to have a child. We disagreed about what to do about the pregnancy (which is one of my fatal flaws), but I have tried to be supportive, and I have done quite a bit of biting my tongue already. I believe now that, in my ignorance, I have done a miserable job of that. I had gotten used to her getting mad at me about every three days, and her saying she was done with me, but we are in a whole different ballgame now!

In my frustration, I turned to the wise sage of Google search (for "dealing with pregnant women") and found this blog. I am greatly encouraged by the other posts, and I would like to offer my bit of advice to others:

Do NOT listen to her if she tells you not to do participate or contribute in something for her, or if she tells you that she doesn't need you to do something! I made the mistake of thinking that she needed to prove something to herself or to me. Do everything you can for her, and let her reject it if she chooses. You will be MUCH better off with a record of doing things that she doesn't like, than with not being there for her!

Unfortunately, I have trained myself in logic with math, computers, and business. I thought that if she would be mad at me either way (which seems to be the case nowadays), I'd prefer that she be mad at me for something I didn't do, so I felt justified.

...at my age, I don't often feel clueless.

I do love her and her children, and I will try to do better.

Anonymous said...

I just think that pregnant women are ridiculous and you cannot do anything about it. My girlfriend is close to 7 months and she explodes at me if I say something she finds remotely offensive (any woman especially a pregnant one can be offended by pretty much anything)But when I just stop talking to her she yells at me for not paying attention to her and then when I talk to her she yells at me for pretty much everything I say. She gave me the whole : Ii wish there was some way for me to show you what I am going through so you can understand" speech. In my opinion living with a pregnant woman is probably almost as bad as being pregnant. I am ridiculously supportive, nice, and caring and I just get it thrown back in my face. She stresses about everything even though she doesn't need to. Pregnancy just somehow gives women a free pass and they think that they can do what they want and thats outrageous.

David said...

I do everything under the sun for my girlfriend and am madley in love, she gets a little crazy now and then but thats not the problem. It just feels like she doesnt care about me as much. She says she does when i ask, but thats the thing, i have to ask. She doesnt tell me how much she needs me or how ive been good to her. Am i being sensitive and should just man up and drive on or is there a way to approach it without setting her off, which usually happends

Brendan said...

This is my first time opening up to anyone about my relationship type issues. The problem I'm having is that her and I have known each other for many years and dated off and on during that time. Currently we are not "together" but still really care for one another. She is still in the first trimester and everything just seems the same ..... and that's where the problem is. She has always been kinda touch and go on the whole communication issue. Now i just look like a complete ass when she gets all emotional and I just act normal. I'm at wits end on what to do. Any advice i could get can only help.

Pinkie said...

Dear MEN,
I am currently a "crazy" pregnant lady, 11 weeks. I got in a fight with my boyfriend, and came out hear to find this along with the google search "how the F@&# do i deal with this pregnant woman"...if any of you are wondering the same question here is a small list off the top of my head at 3:30 am....
1) If she is already being crazy...WHY ARGUE more with her...trust me you are NOT getting any "righter" or "winning" anything by doing this...you at that point are either asking for tears or a cell phone to the head.
2) The ONLY reason she is yelling at you and being mean to YOU is because you are her "safe" place. You should feel flattered that she believes in you and your relationship enough to unload all of her pistivity onto you. TRUST me you hurt the ones you love, shitty but true! ( I want to refer to something my dad says quiet often its the Fu@@ing you get for the FU@$ing you gave/got)
3)Be the guy from the movies if you are at all capable. Try holding her after sex(even if that wasn't her style before *HINT *HINT)When she says something like I am being a pain, or Gosh maybe I am being too demanding....DO NOT AGREE WITH HER...OMG...She is going thru one of the biggest events in her life, if she is in the mood for pancakes and it is 3 in the afternoon...don't make her feel stupid. :( I hope some of this is helpful, and I hope that it eventually reaches the right ears....Night everyone, and good luck!

Anonymous said...

wow.... and I thought I was an insensitive horrible person. thanks for the advice from all, specificly Pinkie. I now realize she is pregnant and going through alot and its not that she hates me for doing this to her...really it both our faults. I will now put on my patience pants and go home (she says the baby wants Pizza) Keep my comments positive and help her as much as I can.
Really this did help my attitude. Pregnancy is hard

Anonymous said...

My girlfriend will be 10 weeks tomorrow and she just left me 4 days ago. She grabbed up all of her things and left. We have known eachother for several years and have always had something between us, but we were only dating for 2 months when we found out she was pregnant. At that time, she told me that she was so in love with me and that she was glad that it was me she was in this situation with. We were both very excited, and for the first two weeks it brought us soo close that I lost any fear for what is coming. But then, she spent a whole week treating me like she hated everything about me. I was starting to wonder if she even loved me anymore. Then on Monday she said that she doesn't think that we are meant to be together and that she would spend a night at her moms so we could think about things. The next day I picked her up and the first thing she did was appologize for being so emotional lately and said she loves me very much and really wants us to do this whole thing together. The next day, I got home from work and she said she was leaving me. I literally begged her to stay. She told me that I was just being selfish and to stop feeling sorry for myself. I eventually agreed and told her to do what she thinks she needs right now and to call me when she wants to. I still haven't heard from her.

Every person I know has been just astounded at how patient and understanding I've been, but now she just doesn't want me around. What do I do? Will she come around and want me back?

Anonymous said...

I have always handled the bills and finances and all of a sudden at 7 months pregnant she is comlaining and yelling about everything and wants in on the finances. She is worried about money and paying bills when the baby gets here and is crying about it. I told her I would continue handling them and she should not worry but she says she can't. She says that I am going to resent her when the baby is here because she can't work and money will be tight. I have never shown to be that type of person and yes I am worried about money but I feel that is my position of a soon to be father to take care and bear the burden. I am at my wits end....

Anonymous said...

Baby number 4 is on the way. You would think I'd have this down by now. She is a little more emotional with this one. Don't know if maybe because she is a little older and the body handles it differently.?. Two days ago I was the best husband in the world. Today I am ruining our lives. A little concerned since we are in the middle of 2nd trimester right now. 3rd is going to be scary.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I feel in a weird situation, we are on week 7, and my girlfriend tells me I am as supportive and amazing as I could ever be.. all nice things most of the time, but I feel like I am the only person that can't make her feel good, or just have a good time, she seems to be at her best with friends, super energetic and amazing, and these are friends she doesn't need to pretend to be happy.. so that means that she is, but the moment they leave feels like there's nothing to talk about.. I would say something and the answer would be a yes/no.. kinda thing.. Not sure what to do..

Thanks for the amazing blog!

Anonymous said...

im a first time father dealing with those las 2 months of the drama my bm is very psycho we argue fight and she is always on my bacc bout me sleepin around at times honestly i feel like ringin her head right off shoulders we live together and my patients has already ran out do u think i should leave for a while or should i stay please i need ur help

Gareth said...

Hi there. Like most on here I am struggling to cope with my pregnant partner. She is 10 weeks along btw. I am sat at work now, close to tears. I do as much as possible to help and support, reassure her and bite my tongue on a regular basis. Nothing seems appreciated though, there is no affection any more, I don't ask much to be fair, just some cuddles and to be close now and again. I can handle not having sex (just!) but I feel that physical contact with me repulses her. Prior to pregnancy she said regularly that she had never experienced such passion as we had. I manage a few hours exercise on my own at the weekends and feel better, but come home and its back to square one. What the hell has happened? I want my old life back :-(

Anonymous said...

Hi there men!!!
I am a woman whos best friend has been pregnant 2 times, and i can understand what you guys are going through. I've felt much the same way as a friend, as you have as husbands and boyfriends!

Here are some examples and advice of how to see things from her perspective...

Emotionally-hormones are going crazy. Every little thing has the potential to offend them, upset them, make them feel insecure, unattractive, unsupported...the list goes on.

Everything is magnified because of the changes they are going through-physically and emotionally. Always keep this in mind.

When you are in pain...you are more irritable, right? well imagine having breasts that are in pain from stretching and getting bigger. Imagine sore nipples that cant be soothed ever. Showers hurt them, bras hurt them, rubbing up against a tshirt hurts them. Everything hurts them. Then theirs the overall weight gain. Lots of women have body issues to begin with, this only gets magnified when pregnant. A harmless comment about an actress on tv may seriously cause your pregnant woman to feel insecure about her new body and emotionally insecure because they will someone irrationally think you're harmless comment is threatening to her security in your relationship. You just have to be as supportive and understanding as possible. Her back will hurt like crazy. Not only is it from the weight gain but just the way the body is changing. Its all making room for a developing human. Everything in the body is connected so everything will hurt. Maybe she isnt getting enough sleep because she is so unfomfortable and cant find a proper position to fall asleep or stay asleep. Maybe shes throwing up all the time and doesnt have any energy to. When you're tired and in pain you're cranky....well just think of that times a billion. PLus you are dealing with a woman maybe feeling scared about the health of her baby. Its a huge weight on a womans mind to be solely responsible for the health of the child growing inside her. Her body isnt just hers and everything she does or doesnt do effects that baby. Feelings of guilt and inadequacy can start to crop up. Hollywood also puts a lot of pressure on women to be "cute pregnant ladies". Pregancy can be cute, but lots of the time women are tired, angry and dont have the energy to "fix themselves up". Be thoughtful, and get her a pregnancy massage or a pedicure. Brush her hair for her. Her feet will likely be swelling so she'll really appreciate it. Pamper her. Let her know you're there for her. Dont try to win fights because even if you are right, does it matter?. It wont make you or her happy. Take it in stride and be patient. Love her and be her rock. She unloads on your because she knows she can. Its unfortunate, but just know that it will pass. Even if she never gives you any praise, know that she does appreciate the wonderful things you do. She probably just doesnt say it because she's to distracted with everything going on with her to think to thank you. Sounds selfish, but its true. Instead of focusing on how she's pissing you off, just focus on what you can do to share the pregnancy. You cant carry the child, but you can help to make her life easier and more comfortable. Make that your focus and you'll feel good about yourself knowing that you are doign everything you can to be supportive and help her. You never want to abandon her at a time like this. She needs you...

Good luck!!!

Anonymous said...

Gareth...
I just have to say that i feel for you. I know what you are going through.
She probably doesnt want to cuddle or be close because she just physically needs space. Her body is changing and aching and she doesnt know how or what to sooth it so she resists everything. Dont take it personally. Its hard not to, but its just what she needs. Give her space but still be present. Dont abandon her. Shes just dealing with all the hormones and changes to her body and since you had a role in it-she'll likely take it out on you as though its "your fault". She knows its not your fault, but it doesnt stop her from feeling that way or telling you it is. Women need to feel secure, understood and loved. Do everything you can do make her feel this way.
Hang in there. This is normal. You're not alone and it will get better.
Offer to give massages, but dont feel rejected if she doesnt want you near her. Help around the house without being asked. Dont expect praise because it may not come. Wake up every day thinking, how can i make her life easier? better? more comfortable?. Listen to her. Sometimes she just needs to feel "heard".

Let us know how it goes!

Anonymous said...

My girlfriend is now about 13 weeks pregnant. I have seen a drastic change in a lot of her actions and there really starting to get to me. She ignores me a lot, and wants her space and we use to be inseperable, and I try to do everything I can for her to make the pregnancy easier. Part of me wants to end it, but the other part is telling me it's just because she's kind of in shock about the whole thing and her hormones are out of control. Any advice on what I should do?

Daddy Duff said...

Hi Bill,

I think its awesome that you created this blog and as soon as I started to read it I began to feel at ease to the changes that are occuring with my girlfriend and our pregnancy. I say our because I do believe that a man-even though he is not carrying the child that is growing in the mother's womb- has a huge role to play in pregnancy. Trying to find information on what to expect as a father seems mundane, unhelpful and one sidedly man bashing. Repeatingly I'm reading "just deal with it." I'm in no way saying that women don't go through an experience that I or anyother man will ever understand, or try to take away from that experience with what seems on the surface as selfishness. I just really want to do my best at being there for my significant other, and child. I think tips on helping to cope with stress is valuable and this is indeed a stressful part of my life.

I've found the question, responses and information here to be outstanding and will continue to follow and re-read your post. I really appreciate everyone sharing their experiences and look forward to the months as they unfold.

Anonymous said...

Hi my girlfriend is about 14 weeks along. she has a son <7 and im tring to b supportive in any way possible but she just seems to pawn the kid off on me and expects me to b ok with it.im not saying i dont like the kid or the time we spend togather just that i need some time for me too. any time i want to bring it up i feel like a bad person. i have no problem with beinga step parent but she has just thrown every thing at me at once and i am having trouble adjusting to the whole deal. this is my first child and i think she is afraid i am going to play favorites. and so am i i mean hes not my son and has a dad already i dont want to push him out of the picture at all but i beleive that i will probably look out for my biological child first because he or she is actualy of my line.HELP!!!any advice and opinions would be helpfull . thank you

Anonymous said...

Thanks guys for your comments i feel like I'm not alone anymore. My partner has extreme hormonal behaviour, nothing I say or do will satisfy her, i do every chore, cook and clean tell her i love her try to be supportive as possible, and yet no recognision, its reached a point where i have to sleep on the couch every night, the slightest noise can set her off, i'm getting alot of the silent treatment as well and nowdays theres distant between us, not from my part. i thought i was mentally strong but i'm crumbling

Anonymous said...

One word, “Utter Hell”, or two words, I’m to beat up to have time to count words. My Wife had a late Positive on her HPT, before we knew we were pregnant, we almost split because of the hormones the first trimester gives freely to all. Did I mention She is the Type-A controlling stubborn “expressive” gal… So yes, times get hard very fast. Then after the doctor and all the med test came back we were well into the first trimester. Then, life got a little better… as in She won’t throw stuff at me when she gets mad, call her parents on me, yell, yell, and yell at the Husband- kind of better. All because I don’t “get it” and the baby isn’t mine “till its delivered”. The second trimester did continue to get a “little” better. And now after the ultrasound tec couldn’t get a good dimension, the doctor talked out loud and changed the due date “in theory”, SO my wife took the ‘could be new arrival date’ as FACT. And I know for sure the gloomy days of the secound trimester were short lived because She is back to her abusive good old self as I am sure the Third Trimester is here to stay. Yes, I know, I’m venting… Feels good to talk. Can’t wait till life goes back to normal. I’m never getting her pregnant again.

Anonymous said...

My wife and I are expecting, and no matter how hard I try to be there for her, I also feel as though my needs are not being met. When I try to communicate with her about my feelings and my needs, it's as if I'm talking to a brick wall. I keep getting the...it's only 5 more months... I'm about ready to slit my wrists...I'm doing all the cleaning, all the cooking, have no money, have to give up smoking, have to deal with no intimacy, and on and on...I just get to deal with everything. It's as though she can just do whatever she wants or feel she needs, or lack there of because she's pregnant. And I get to deal with everything left...which is everything. I don't know how to keep dealing with this. I really don't. Please HELP.

Anonymous said...

You know that Snoopy / peanuts comic? Well im currently Snoopy laying flat on the dog house staring at the sky... Literally ;) just started 3rd trimester and whilst my gf torr y head off and even left for 1 week in the first trimester, the 2nd wasnt much better the hormones were settled for a month then the tearing my head off started again... And now the start of the third and shes been slowly drifting away stopped calling me babe etc.. Ignores mushy sweet
Texts and texts in general.. Im in limbo not knowin whats goin on or where we stand... But this blog helps and i know i gotta ride the storm. I have been for 6 months so whats another 3. If ur in the dog house likr moi, use this time to save cash, go to the gym and work on your car. Worry about your relationship after 6 months after the baby is born thats what im gonna be doin. Today marks day one of give that pegzilla space!!!! Did i mention im in thr dog house? Its comfy....for now...

Anonymous said...

Well, at the risk of being judged, I'll come out and say exactly how I feel, because this is what this blog is about.

I do feel I'm not allowed to express myself, that I'm neglected and my feelings don't matter. My girlfriend and I have known each other for a year and a half but only been together for seven months now. She is ten and a half weeks pregnant and it feels like our relationship is taking a nose dive. She doesn't seem as responsive to my feelings anymore and blames me for starting arguments even when all I'm doing is having a regular conversation with her.

Obviously, the length (or lack thereof) of our relationship doesn't help. In fact, I'm often confused and unsure of how much of any of this are the hormones. I constantly feel left out of the pregnancy and like she doesn't want me to be a part of it as much as I do. There are times when she will tell me that she needs me, but she also seems to be doubtful of our future (us together). This is not to say she wants to leave me, because I know she doesn't. Just that it sounds like she thinks since she's the mother, she has greater "stakes" on the baby. Maybe she does, I don't know, but it's my child too and it makes me feel like shit.

I wish she would use the words "us" and "we" more often when it comes to the baby. I'm just really down right now and have no one to talk to. My mother will "disown" me when she finds out, or possibly harm herself. I have no one to talk to, so I come online and rant about it, clearly going off topic more than I would've liked. I know she's going through horrible times and I feel hopeless because I can't help her through it no matter how much I try/want to. Again, the fact that I can't tell how much of this can be attributed to the hormones makes things worse, because I don't know if all this is happening because our relationship is falling apart.

I just want to go to a corner and die and stay dead for most of the day. But I obviously have to man the heck up and deal with it, because I do want to be with her and the baby.

Anonymous said...

This will probably just go out into space right now but I need to vent. My wife is 35 weeks pregnant. I'm in a new job that's much higher stress than I've dealt with before, and I'm under pressure of being the breadwinner once she stops working to have the baby. I know I'm not the most supportive father-to-be always but every day I recommit myself to trying harder. As I'm coming home at 7:30 or 8:30 in the evening I try to bolster myself with energy and as soon as I come in the door I try to think of things I can do to help -- if she's making dinner I'll straighten up, put away the dishes, take care of bills or whatever. I offer to help as much as I can. I haven't read the pregnancy books as much as I said I would, but I did go to 20 hours of lamaze and childcare classes. I express enthusiasm and excitement about the baby, read to her stomach, play guitar for her, put my hand to feel her move.

The last couple of days have been especially stressful at work, and on top of it, my wife has been getting a little bit hypochondriac about early labor signs (and of course I can't not take it seriously, so it's very upsetting and distracting).

Then tonight she said she'd be making dinner while I was on my way home since it was a bit late, but when I got off the train she sends me -- twice -- to get ingredients for the meal she hasn't started yet. Another hour goes by once I get home, and then she says that something is wrong with the recipe and that I should "take over." So I do, and I don't even say anything, except that I probably sighed a little. Suddenly she starts getting sarcastic with me and saying I don't appreciate how she tried to make me a nice dinner. So I said (I REALLY regret this) as calmly as I could that maybe when it's so late it would be better to just make a simple recipe that we have the ingredients for. She flipped out. She hit me a couple of times (she can't really hurt me much but it still bothers me that that's how she responds), threw the food on the wall, knocked the plate out of my hands, started screaming that I'm completely selfish, I have no appreciation for her, I'm not fit to be a father, I don't DESERVE to be a father, etc. This went on for a while, and I mustered as much apology as I could which she would not accept at all. To be honest I was feeling pretty angry the whole time and it's hard to know the right balance between holding it in and not getting too bottled up. She accused me of stressing her out, of hurting the baby, she claimed that I was going to cause her early labor. She wants me to stay away from her, she insists that she was in a great mood until I got home. On and on.

I want to be bigger than this, but I'm having a rough time. I feel like I have to hold everything in all the time, like I have to just keep riding myself and pushing myself and holding myself back all at the same time. Some of the things my wife said tonight were like a knife in my heart, especially the icy, hateful way she said it. I really want to believe that it's just the hormones.

Anonymous said...

MEN, I can only breath a little deeper after reading this blog.
My peaceful serene sex filled happy couple-dom ended fast and the almost daily fights are really bad, it's the same story as the other men here, we're door mats for their anger and bitterness. I'm so ready to take up smoking pot or becoming an alcoholic if only I could, but, instead I'm commited to going to the gym and focusing on that for the time being. Also scrounging up ANY hobby you can find, will take your mind off things and give you somewhere mentally to go for relief.
Keep the faith gentlemen, it's got a due date and then things will mend.

steven said...

my ex girlfriend of the last week is about 10 or 12 weeks and she is running rampant and getting mad at everything i do we got into a fight last week and since then she has been mean rude and know friday she told me she does not love or like me anymore is that normal will it come to pass and know she has kicked me out and shes also saying all this stuff i dont even do is this normal i love her to death and its hurting me so much

Anonymous said...

Here's the skinny.no kissing no sex it hurts her,don't touch me wont talk to me and I swear she volunteers to stay late at work so she doesn't have to be around me.everything was going good before she was prego now she wants some space!i just want to be there for her and help out.and by god I'm doing a bunch of that.all I can do is give back rubbs and now it seems like that is stoping too.is all this normal?

Anonymous said...

I really need some reassurance hear,my wife is going into her second trimester.the first tri mester has been utter hell!she will not communicate with me,tells me she doesnt want to be pregnant and I swear she hates me more each day just by looking at me.I love this woman with all my heart and i bend over backwards to help around the house and make her feel good.but it seems as if none of this is even apprieciated!we dont even have sex anymore(she says it hurts)I get that.but now she wants to sleep in the other room and told me she needs space.and she is planning on moving in with her best friend.please tell me there are pregnancies like this and its only temporary!thank you.

Robin Keim said...

My boyfriend is leaving to back to his home state and I am 12 weeks pregnant and he has been so mean to me the past couple of days. He leaves on Saturday. I know my emotions are running like crazy, but he doesn't seem to think that I am important anymore, just the baby. He makes me feel like a I am a burden. He tells me all the time how aggrevaiting I am and he hurts my feelings with rude comments - like he doesn't care about me at all, just the baby. I am really hurt by this. Please advise.

Anonymous said...

Good day fellow bloggers!
Wowza this site helped me, I am 32 weeks pregnant (8 weeks to go!! 10 tops!!! Right?!?, I hope so) and I was feeling a bit "my goodness he (my husband) hates me", so I googled that header to read up in my insomnia state so I wouldn't feel so alone in my feelings. To my surprise this site came up with Daddies feeling the exact same way!
Thank you!
This read up has allowed me to attempt to stop having a "me-me" aditude. My poor husband is sleep deprived, over worked, has high demands at work and at home to be his very best every single day. Thank you all for sharing your stories so I could take a step back, admire his strength, appreciate his effort and to give him back the patience he has shown me.
This swollen belly is tough but from what I hear from the veterans of parenthood

Anonymous said...

OK, here's my story: Before she was pregnant, i was the best, Nr. 1, she could not live without me, she said: "please, please never leave me, i love you so much". She want stay with me forever and so on and so on.
And i also love she so much and our 100% pure love based relationship was so great, i did all for she. We never had big fights and we can speak about all.
She (we) want then be a family, parents. I was so happy and she also. She then got pregnant, as planed. WOW! Wonderful!

And then the Hell starts. After about 3 or 4 weeks of being pregnant.
First i could not belive how she changed. No touching, not kissing, not sleeping togehter anymore (before she could not sleep without me), spoken words what really hurts me like: "i don't care about your feelings, shut up" or "What? You are unhappy not sleeping together anymore?! SO THEN PISS OFF AND SEARCH FOR A NEW LADY" (and i was only asking why she is so distanced from me) and thinks like this.

After some weeks (pure Hell) i has to go out of our flat to relax my mind... and my soul. She sad that i can not come back because she can not live with me together anymore (but i never did anything bad... no... but i did most of the housework also, beside my fulltome job... also paying ALL bills)

I was so shoked. She also did not want speak with me anymore. Or at least not much. To phone was not possible. HELL. Chat was not possible because she was 99% Offline (which mean she was Online but in "invisible Mode").

6 months! She only write me about every 2 weeks an email: "Send Money. Thanks!" and somtimes she humbled me for no reason, either because i responsed to less or too much back in email.
The only positive things what she write me every about 6 weeks was the status of our baby. U-Photos and that everything is ok wiht the baby.

For me... i was (and still) thinking: "OK, she gets a psycho. Holysh..." or "Why... WHY Jesus she not tell me before making a baby that she hates me??!!" because i never want have a splited family or that the mother of my/our child hates me for nothing.

My heart is so broken because i love she so much and she, now, treats me like i'm the evil creatur on the hole planet.

Yesterday our baby comes to the world. I got photos from her via MMS about 2 hours after birth. She is so beautiful and i love she so much. And... i could'nt belive... we phoned after 6 months not speaking together.

When i saw her number calling me, i was thinking: "OK, set up crash helmet and be prepared for fire" but no... nooo. She was very nice to me like she never had any problem with me. We spoke about 1 hour. Really good. About our baby girl and how she looks like and that she love her face so much and that she looks like me and and and and... Just fine all.

But...

But i realized that i was distanced to her while phoning. I was wondering why... but i think somethink was getting broken in the 6 month in my heart. I think i'm mistrustfully... for that was happend the last 6 months of total ignore and zero communications.
She was feeling this... and i was feeling that she was sad about this. But what i can make?

So ladys... Do not overdo it! Because it could broke somethink in the heart of the man who loves you.

I hope it will heal... my trust in her.
The time will bring it... I don't know how we move on on the future.

Good luck to you all. Hansi (from Germany)

Sara Jucha said...

Okay, Bill. I'm not sure if you actually respond to these anymore since the last post was years ago, but, here goes.
I am the wife. I am 25 weeks pregnant and my husband can't stand me. I have tried so hard to keep my emotions in check and I am always cautiously recommending things he can do to help, but he refuses to do anything. He never helps around the house, he refuses to touch me, sexually or otherwise and the moment I say a single word about my swollen feet or achy back he gets almost defensive.. "we all know you're f***ing pregnant" the other night he made a list of why he is not attracted to me anymore...the list is short..I burp, I pass gas, and I eat more than I used to, not to mention I have a soccer ball protruding from my abdomen. I have explained my insecurities to him about my changing body and all he has done is exploited them. In this case, there truly is no support...although he has deluded himself into thinking that he is doing everything right. I have asked him to read up on pregnancy so he might get a third person view of what's happening without me 'badgering' him about it, but he won't do that either. I need help. I need to know what to do to get him on my side without him resenting me or tearing me down for it. This is the first pregnancy he has ever been a part of so he has no idea what to expect,but refuses to prepare himself. I am afraid if he isn't prepared he will bolt when he realizes how truly difficult it is and how everything really does change....can you Help me???

Anonymous said...

Guys as a lady pregnant with her second child all I can say is sometimes pregnancy can just be one hellava uncontrollable headfuck.
You feel like a mutants, all the wrong bits of you hurt, its not a cute earth mother experience.
The beautiful baby you get at the end is the reward for 9 months of utter pain, nausea, lack of sleep, headaches, and agony.
So on behalf of crazy pregnant ladies I apologise, but look at it from our perspective, being pregnant is beyond hard work.

Anonymous said...

I know this is a blog for men, I actually came across it by looking up how to deal with my fiance while I'm pregnant. Funny that both people in the situation feel trapped and pissed on. From some of the comments I read I just am shocked! You all think its so hard having to listen to your wife,gf,or fiance let off steam??? REALLY!? Believe it or not hormones are real and they do get out of wack while pregnant. Its not just an excuse and at times its very hard to control and you are a different person. I can honestly say I would much rather be my fiance now. I've just recently started having problems (im 38 weeks pregnant) with my blood pressure and now they think I could also have diabetes or/and pre-eclampsia. I've been spending about 4 hours a day in a hospital doing countless blood test, urine test (at home peeing in a jug to bring to the hospital the next day!) Having things shoved up your vagina and ass which hurts by the way. Being hooked to monitors for stress test weekly in a sweaty hot hospital room. My fiance on the other hand can chill out and have a beer and smoke after sitting next to me. He thinks that he has more stress than me because he works.....PPLEAAASE!!! This is fucking work. Today we went in for another blood test and diabetes check and urine test after being told a day ago that my blood pressure is not normal and that I need to be under close monitoring. So the hospital is about 15 mins from the house, my fiance has major road rage and spent the whole drive cursing, flipping people off, and honking the horn. I told him to stop stressing because it stresses me out and I was going in to get all this stuff checked! He in return told me as we are walking down the hall in the hospital I quote "I should had left you a long time ago" when he seen the hurt look on my face and tears coming to my eyes he then said "You liked that didn't you?" after all this is said and done Im expected to go back to the normal happy smiling laughing me and act like he never said that. It wasent the first time but I thought maybe he could had held back since Im going through so much already...And its his son in there too he should worry about both our health and not himself. Men only see how we act they dont look at themselves. I know I've gotten crazy at times, Ive embarrassed myself. But I can honestly swear down that Ive always admitted it afterwards and said I was sorry. The only thing he said to me when we got home was "This is going to be a shit day isn't it". I havent had sex in months. I havent had a drink in months. I haven't had a smoke for months. (use to be a smoker) I havent had a good comfy proper sleep in about 4 months. My feet are swollen from my toes to my ankles, I cant bend over I cant go for a walk anymore Im pratically on bedrest. Add to that the fear of first time motherhood and childbirth. So you all think you have it so damn hard!??? Think again. I'd love to see any man go through all of this with a smile on their face. Props to those who still tell their wife they are beautiful...I wish I had that. Alot of of us feel like ugly fat monsters...just be good to your partner..its not forever and she needs you more than you think, even when she seems like she hates you and doesnt want you around.

Anonymous said...

33TTanonymous.
hi there fathers to be. been reading alot of the comments left. have taken onboard what you all have to say.
i,ve been with my misses for a year now, we have just found out recently that she is 12wks pregnant. i was abit knocked back at the result, but turned to be very excited. my girlfriend has started to get her head round it now.
the thing is i think it has brought us even further together.
what i miss is the closeness and the sexual side to the relationship. i don,t know if i,m being selfish. but already the sex has taken a back step. i,m thinking the sex is going to be none existant the further we go in to the pregnancy. i love her to bits. guess i'll just have to deal with the ups and downs till are little gift comes along. and be carefull after that. if anyone has any advise. feel free to reply.
congrats to you all expecting fathers. good luck .

Bill, almost a dad said...

Hi Anonymous,

I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I really hope your medical issues get resolved and you have a safe delivery. I'm also sorry to hear about troubles with your fiance.

Like I've said in the past, this blog isn't about who has it harder, mothers or fathers, it is just here to represent the father's side of the story. A mother's experience is well documented and understood; a father's experience is not. Many of the behavioral changes that result from hormones are a shock and can be difficult to deal with. As you'll see from comments across the blog, it's not just women 'venting' but can be quite abusive.

That being said, in no way is this blog meant to justify childish behaviors such as what your fiance is exhibiting. Frankly he doesn't really sound like much of a man.

A father's job is to help support a mother during pregnancy, not belittle or abuse. He sounds like he's got some issues with maturity and commitment. Keep an eye out for how he treats the child as that is truly the most important thing.

I wish you and your baby the best of luck!

Bill

Kenneth Davis said...

My gf and I are almost 32 weeks. Right from the start the sex stopped. I have a 5yr. Old daughter as does she both from past marriages. My ex hates my gf and does everything she can to break us up. One way is by turning my daughter against her. My gf ex is always causing probs by unjustly suing for custody. About a month ago my gf and I got into a huge fight and she said she wasn't "in love" with me anymore. I'm not a bad guy I don't run bars beat or cheat and I always tell her I love her and she's gorgeous and bring flowers and stuff like that just to show I love her but this last month after the fight she has been extremely distant always buried in her phone at nights rushes off the phone before saying she loves me never initiates any loving physical let alone emotional contact and generally makes me feel like I'm her room mate. If it weren't for the morning hug and I love you that I also must initiate we would be just that roommates who share a bed. Idk if this is the pregnancy or if I should leave bc it's really really bothering me. I do all the laundry and dishes clean everything and all to help her out but she still treats me the same. No openness no loving interaction no hand holding and sex was out months ago. I'm at the point of giving up but don't want to so what do I do?

Kenneth Davis said...

My gf and I are almost 32 weeks. Right from the start the sex stopped. I have a 5yr. Old daughter as does she both from past marriages. My ex hates my gf and does everything she can to break us up. One way is by turning my daughter against her. My gf ex is always causing probs by unjustly suing for custody. About a month ago my gf and I got into a huge fight and she said she wasn't "in love" with me anymore. I'm not a bad guy I don't run bars beat or cheat and I always tell her I love her and she's gorgeous and bring flowers and stuff like that just to show I love her but this last month after the fight she has been extremely distant always buried in her phone at nights rushes off the phone before saying she loves me never initiates any loving physical let alone emotional contact and generally makes me feel like I'm her room mate. If it weren't for the morning hug and I love you that I also must initiate we would be just that roommates who share a bed. Idk if this is the pregnancy or if I should leave bc it's really really bothering me. I do all the laundry and dishes clean everything and all to help her out but she still treats me the same. No openness no loving interaction no hand holding and sex was out months ago. I'm at the point of giving up but don't want to so what do I do?

Anonymous said...

Hi my name is lexi, I am 35weeks pregnant and was just looking to get a mans advice! Although if anyone asked me I would never admit to that :) my partner literally will not come anywhere near me and hasn't for about 3month, I was previously a size 6-8 have only put on 2 stone so it's not like I am a whale, is this normal?? It's kinds making me feel ugly and unattractive, never mind sending my imagination crazy. Thanks

Anonymous said...

i came to this blog because of the opposite. i have a fiance, we are engaged, and recently found out that we are pregnant and very far along - 24 weeks now. we didn't even find out until 20 weeks. so its been a bit of a shock. for both of us.

we don't live in the same city, and for whatever reason, even tho we've both wanted kids, and talked about it, and he posts statuses on fb alot about how excite dhe is to be a dad, he seems to only have hatred towards me. every day is a new fight over something - it doesn't even have to be something i did, its something i did that reminded him of something annoying i used to do and all of a sudden i'm getting chewed out and freaking out and crying, and asking him to stop. but if he does something that upsets me, i'm not allowed to say anything... if i do i'm told i'm crazy, or too sensitive, or whatever... theres always an excuse, and its placed on me, and never on his behavior.

he went to [a friends] house last night for drinks, and "forgot" his phone, and i never heard from him for over 4 hours, while i sat at home worrying and confused. and had been yelled at earlier for texting him too often, so was scare dto even text too much hen he was gone. then to find out he had left and gone for drinks just made it worse...and all i did was tell him that this frustrated me, and then i got chewed out, and had to turn my phone off to avoid the texts, and we spent all day arguing.

i know we are both going through alot right now, and i know that men don't really get it until the baby actually comes, but i am so frustrated and hurt. i feel like i had to give up everything immediately for this baby, and he hasn't given up much. its always a contest of who's feet are more sore at the end of the day or who had a worse day, and i just feel like i'm depressed and crying all the time, and don't know if this is the hormones like he says... or what a normal relationship looks like when you're engaged and supposedly love each other and are welcoming a baby after 4 years of a relationship...? am i way off, or i don't know what to do.... i try to explain to him that this stresses the baby out too, but it doesn't seem to stop or soften anything. any advice from a dad who's been in his shoes??

Anonymous said...

My pregnant girlfriend rarely smiles or laughs anymore .. it is somewhat awkward around her. Being at home and never getting out is slowly eating away ay me. I used to be so active and in shape/.healthy and happy but now I am lucky if I walk a half mile any given day.

gram collins said...

I have all the same problems with this pregnancy but also, were broke up, living together while she talks to other guys. They constantly message her. And it irritates me so much. It hurts so much to see the girl whose having your child talking to some guy right in front of you all the while I have to watch her 5 year old while she does it. She says she loves me, we occasionally have sex but then it goes back to crap

Anonymous said...

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and am on round 3 of my husband not talking to me for 2-3 days. I'm usually a very calm and easy going person. Maybe I haven't been lately. I just want to put it out there that however it is that we ladies come across, I for myself am feeling so scared and lonely right now and it hurts even more when I'm being completely ignored. Guys, you're great fixers. This is not a "fix-it" situation. I'm usually the one who takes care of everyone else. I can't do it right now. I could really use a friend right now.

Anonymous said...

I find this blog interesting...My wife is pregnant with our third child...Always a stressful time for any situation. my wife has been horribly sick and still is and we are in week 15! Its just one of those things...All this BS about keeping the house clean is a woman's job is just that...BS...I keep our house clean, wash dishes, laundry, dress the kids...I don't love doing chores, but it is what you do...Guys, you should be really happy that you're not the one knocked up. Maybe I am the only guy to admit that I couldn't deal with that stress, pain and sickness. So with that, Suck it up, get over your wife being crazy, and love her anyway...Its just what you do...Once you have the baby, it will all be forgotten anyway. Just enjoy this trying time and fill your day with as much helpful things as you can...So what if you have to get an ear full daily, weekly or hourly...Its just part of it...Hope this helps you all out there, its not just your wife, its everyones. Suck it up and smile! hope this helps!

Anonymous said...

hello I need a males opinion im hoping some1 could help me cause im losing my mind a 6 weeks pregnant.. my partner decided to leave me @ the hospital at 4 wks with possible miscarriage an had the nerve to ask to borrow my car..wow. then he decided to bring beer inside a dr appt I had for blooddraw.. I had it really. then he blames me for bn a bit ** ... he is not supportive at all . he wanted to go to u/s bcause I bn bleeding for 2 weeks an he calls me to bring him beer an smokes.. I just cant stand to b around him anymore.. an now hes back on dating websites saying hes single an looking for a good woman ..i am a good woman I have done everything for this man . I just dont understand but his nonsence wont b around my the baby... hes 43 an I have a 13 yr old son to support an my first priority my life . an he hasnt acknowledge my son in 2 months cause of a dispute they had.. he abuses me mentally an my boy.. I left him but what about the baby? pls help

Anonymous said...

My wife is 12 weeks in and is really attractive. However as the pregnancy begins to show she's feeling less attractive. She is still beautiful. She's only going to get bigger though. To me she is not becoming less attractive at all. She feels that way though and I can't convince her otherwise. How can I help her get over it and enjoy the "baby look"
-Dude with MehHotMa

Anonymous said...

Hi my name is hunt and I am 21 my girlfriend is pregnant I bein trying my best to deal with her. We had some problems before she got pregnant but it has got a lot worse. She threw a cup at me and I don't know if I can deal with this I don't want to leave the baby and her but I can't deal with the way she had bein treating me I don't know what to do

Anonymous said...

Hi my name is John and i am 22 years old, my fiance is due in February with our first child. I drink beer almost every two days, and my fiance gets bothered by it? I got her so mad one time that she had to go to the E.R because she was having contractions. How can i limit my drinking with out upsetting her.

Perry said...

Hi Bill,

My partner is only 7 weeks pregnant and i have already found her to be such a different person that i feel we are no longer close like we were, i work away in singapore for 6 weeks at a time while she is in the uk. we have an 8 hour tme difference an she says its the time difference but it has never been an issue before. i understand that hormones can play a big part in things but is this so when its only 7 weeks?? this has been going on for about 2 weeks already, is this normal? things have changed to the point where we are no longer allowed to mention the future, its always 'lets just see what tomorrow brings' we always talked of getting married but now its 'your getting to deep'! i try to support her an keep saying the things ive always said, make her feel special when ever possible an always reasure her im here for her, even offered an tried to get a posting closer to home, but she just seems like shes not interested all the time, dont get me wrong, she still says she loves me an she misses me or that shes thinking of me, even planning a holiday for some 'us' time before the babies due. im just confussed an feel in the dark, some times i feel like things are rocky between us coz shes not the same person with me! is this normal behaviour?

Thanks for taking the time to read this

Gilles Leduc said...

Are u guys back together now ? And what happened since ?

Anonymous said...

Helo my name is kemmy...my galfrnd is pregnant, jus like Perry said...I don't seem to understd my galfrnd anymore...she as really change a lot. She nags me almost every 45mins I spend with her. She doesn't eat healthy anymore. Its like everythng I say to her starting frm her 5months pregnancy makes no meaning to her. She's now extremely aggresive in the relation. Most times I feel like I am not even in a relationship. I really need a big help I don't know what to do. Everythng I do now seems wrong on her path. She won't even say sorry now when she does things. She's won't please I need your assistant. She will alway command me now and then. When we started she was not like that at all bt now its like I don't even know her and we stay together. She's no longer romantic in her way, she's jus there and will blame me for evry damn thng. I'm really getting frustrated. There are little things she can do on her own rather she call or shout for it.

Anonymous said...

I am 32 weeks pregnant and I can't stand my husband I feel bad but the best feeling is when he leaves me alone but than when he does I feel insecure because I start thinking that he has found some one else that's why he doesn't care its hard to explain but being pregnant is not easy specially when you feel fat and ugly than you see those beautiful Skinnier girls and it makes it worse and when he tries to say I'm beautiful I just don't belive it if he tries to help it feels like he is telling me I am not capable of doing it my self and when I need help and he doesn't help it feels like he doesn't care. I feel a battle going on in my head because I want to be close to him yet I want him away from me I feel bad as I am sure many pregnant women do but its something we can't help and we know that what we do and say is wrong but it just hard to keep it inside

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a little bit of depression are u both happy about the pregnancy?

Anonymous said...

Why do pregnant women act how they do? (by a pregnant woman)

1. THE ANGER.
It's simply hormones. I feel drugged when I'm pregnant. I can look out over a serene ocean without a thought in my mind and feel so pissed off without a topic. Add a topic, any physical discomfort and a person to be angry at and it becomes explosive. A pregnant lady is almost continually in physical discomfort. In the first trimester if I don't eat I get a headache and feel like I will puke. If I do eat my belly blows up like a balloon and I get loud farts and diarrhea and get dizzy and weak. In the second trimester I wake up from shooting leg cramps every hour between 1am and 6am. In the third trimester my joints ache, my hips hurts so bad I yell out loud and I can't breathe and my legs aren't strong enough for me to stand up from squatting. You feel so helpless and dependent.

2. THE CRYING.
Same thing. Hormones combined with fatigue and hunger and continual physical discomfort. I found myself explaining to my bewildered husband many times that I didn't have a topic I was crying about. Sometimes I feel trapped. I can never take a break from my pregnancy until it is over.

3. THE LAZINESS.
Could be anemia. Your heart works 4 times as hard even when you're resting. You breathe faster even when sitting still. Plus often you don't get good sleep at night.




Anonymous said...

Practical tips for dads-to-be:

1. Give her a banana or other light snack every 2 hours. Her stomach can't handle being full or empty.
2. Suggest that she takes purIron to help with anemia and tiredness. Too much iron leads to nausea, too little to anemia. PurIron gives a low dose.
3. Accept that there isn't always a topic she is angry about or crying about. If it seems like bs, she may simply be giving an excuse to sound less crazy both to you AND to herself. Accept her excuse.
4. Take her seriously. If she says she has contractions, believe her. If your woman always drives poorly and one day says I'm driving poorly because I have contractions, believe her that she has contractions. That may not be the only reason she is driving poorly but a woman is late to forgive her husband for not believing her that she is going into labor. Our daughter was born less than 48 hrs later from my "just an excuse for driving poorly".

Anonymous said...

My husband is a fantastic man and he is SO committed to me. We are about to celebrate our 10 year anniversary and we are soul mates who met early (14 years ago). And STILL when I was pregnant with our first child I very seriously considered divorcing him. Why? Because he had the nerve to tell me I didn't look good in a size 2 sundress when I was 6 months pregnant and needed to buy maternity clothes. This I considered reason for divorce until I calmed down after a few hours.

To all the men out there, pregnant women are crazy, just ride it out. Once the pregnancy is over your ladies will realize how crazy they were because the hormones will be out of their brains and will be functioning normally again and they can laugh about what made them so angry and most likely will feel embarrassed at how they acted. Try to stay away from long term damage to your relationship even if you know that you are right and that she is acting irrationally and even calling you horrible names.

Anonymous said...

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I get so upset at any and everything. My husband is an amazing man, he really is one in a million. He works hard and when he comes home he tries to spend time with me and our 3 kids. I know he is physically exhausted and when he comes home I make him mentally exhausted. I told him today how much I hate him, and every mean thing I could think of under the sun. All I wanted was an apoligy for an earlier problem in the day. All he said back after every mean thing was 'ok'. Which just upset me more. I know you men aren't mind readers, but how hard should it be to say sorry. I just wanted some type of reaction, good or bad, for him to show me he cares. He told me it's over between us. It crushed me. I think I pushed him to his limit. You men have to be extra extra supportive of your women and don't ever threaten them with leaving when they are pregnant, it just amplifies everything 10 fold. I love my Husband more than words, but sometimes I get so upset I can't stop acting psycho....I was never like this before. It hurts me alot after I have calmed down, but no matter how hard I try, I can't stop going psycho.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you need to keep yourself occupied.exercise is a good way of relieving stress.

Dan said...

I am a 21 year old student with a 19 year old 7-weeks pregnant girlfriend. She lives in Buckinghamshire, and I live in Wales... when we first found out we were obviously concerned but overjoyed, as she has been told by many doctors that she could never have a child. About a week ago, I went to her place to be there when she told her family, and to support her as much as I could.

While I was there, she was permanently angry, constantly snapping and sarcastic and EVERYTHING I did was wrong. Eventually, she snapped at me a bit too much and I just burst into tears - it's so unlike her, and she knows exactly how to hurt me.

Long story short, she escorted me to the train station saying she couldn't handle me stressing her, that I was being selfish and basically pushed me through the barriers home.

Since then we've been arguing constantly, with her alternately telling me to go away and leave her alone and then when I acquiesce and leave her be, her telling me that I've abandoned her. Right now, she's telling me I abandoned her when I left her place. That she shouldn't have had to tell me to go. She's telling me she hates me and never wants to hear from me again, that I don't understand.

This is single-handedly the most stressful point in my life and I don't know how this is going to be resolved.

John said...

OMG, thank you for all the comments, I thought that I was going crazy, but do not feel alone now. The love of my live has turned into a fire breathing dragon, she is so mean and it feels like she is trying to push me away. I will be strong and keep loving her and keep being there for her. I am so happy to have a baby with her and know she is going through a lot and love her for that!!!!

John Liguori said...

Ok here is the deal I'm 17 and just found out my girlfriend got pregnant by a cheater broke up with him and we got together and then she found out BTW I've never had sex of any kind and I'm not sure If I should be responsible to help her go through this. Any advice?

Anonymous said...

hi me and my Gf have been togeather since the beginning of the year and are having are first child. she is 16 weeks now and says for the past few months she is just unhappy being with me and doenst wanna be with me anymore an now is telling me to move out . a part of me thinks moving out will mess up any future we have or might have after the baby is born and I really don't wat to move away because I believe its just her hormones etc etc but it is her house and I don't want to keep making her upset and also a small part thinks there might be someone else and I believe that I have been doing all I can to do right by her but can't seem to make any head way we go a good length with out speaking to each other which I think is a bad thing to do because I don't wanther to think I don't wanna be there for my child I can go on for days but if anyone cne can email me at timbobcbr@gmail.com and shed some light on my situation with some of what to expect now and intill the baby comes and afte4 the baby cones I would really appreciate it

josh said...

hi i become a da on the 28th of october i was there supportive through the whole pregnancy and birth and stayed in the hospital with my family for 4 days we went home and in the middle of the night we had an argument the next day my girl had moved to her parents and would not speak to me or let me see my baby girl, just to clarify we never argued ever i am in love with them both and i cant work out what has happened two weeks ago we were a perfect family now she wants to move out and is telling everyone im abusive etc which please believe me i am the most calm person around think jack johnson , im so hurt and confused i would love any advice on what to do i am in australia

kelsey besso said...

hello. Me and my fiance recently found out that i am 6 weeks pregnant. Even before he knew for sure that i was pregnant and we just thought that i was cause my period was a few days late and i had puked a few times, he is very supportive and sweet. Since i moved in he has cleaned alot more than me because i was living with my father before and thats all i did was clean and take care of her kid. And he said i deserved a break. Before i got pregnant i usually cooked dinner every night and stuff. But recently he has cooked dinner because im so damn tired all the time. He is a very good man. And imlucky to have him at this time. I hope i dont turn into one of those mean hormonal pregnany women towards him like yalls are. Because i love him and appreciate what he has done for me. He rubs my back every night makes me food at 12am when im hungry and lets me complain to him all the time about pains and such. He rubs my belly also. He tells me impretty sometimes too. And always says that he loves me when i say it to him. He seems intrested when i tell him whats going on with the baby during these early stages and i show him pictures of what its supposedly looking like at this time. I just love him and appreciate him for what hes doing and i hope we continue to be like this though out the pregnancy.(:

willian cavallari said...

Dad giving advices is a bad bad bad idea. You either prepare the food you expect her to have and simply serve it to her hoping she will have it or you must find a way of that information reaching her from someone else

willian cavallari said...

You are 6 weeks. ... No offense but come back here at the end of first trimester or a half way into last trimester and try saying the same thing

willian cavallari said...

Hi guys. Loving this btw... Anyway, my wife is literally on her last week of pregnancy. She is far from her family and honestly not so close to mine, which I don't blame her. My mum is annoying sometimes. Biggest problem I had with my wife is her extremely high expectations of me. I admit I am not husband of the year but I am no monster. She is very dependable, wants me with her constantly. ... honestly I love spending some time with her but I get bored! She then also spends hours taking to her mother on the phone and expects me to simply be there for her when she hangs up... All this has led to some fights, and like others here have said I try to bite my tongue. .. But she ends up saying really mean things and swearing. I really look forward to being a dad but I seriously hope this swearing behavior stops after the baby comes. For Two reasons, one that it really hurts and I can't see how to deal with it in the long term and I really don't want my child listening to that.

Becky said...

Dear dad's,

I'm on my third pregnancy, my poor boyfriend is feeling unloved and helpless. I work full time, take care of my kids, daycare, school,etc... This pregnancy is extremely hard. The first was easy, (at least looking back now). Advice, for your first: be interested! Everything that is going on is so new to her, she's exited, scared, and hormonal. A man who helps her in everything but doesn't understand what she is feeling, isn't help at all. Ask her about everything about her. How she feels, what hurts this day, if she has felt kicks, what's the coolest thing and what's the weirdest.. Even if you know the answer, ask... Because she is bursting to tell someone about everything that is going on that's new. Repeat daily, weekly etc.. 2nd pregnancy, help out. Mostly with the other kid, but with daily routines, this pregnancy is very different from the first. Now instead of long baths, sleeping in, and lunch dates with her girlfriends, she now has super, becomes, snot noses and diaper changes to worry about. Let her get out without the kids. She needs alone time to embrace this pregnancy.connect. Get her outta the house!! She's been there far too long with your first. Pregnancy number three: don't ask just do! And get the f"",k outta the way when you are doing it. Quit asking if she needs help, of course she does! Take the kids out to a movie, and leave her alone to nap, clean, cry whatever. There is so much to be done and these kids are driving you nuts, that who has time to stand around a deliberate who does what chore. Mostly she probably doesn't care how she's feeling and if you ask her. Just do the chores, all of them! Because just because she doesn't look like she is doing much physically, she has a family, chores, routine, school daycare,etc..she worries about on an every minute bases. And if she isn't helping out, she is feeling guilty about it. ... But needs the break.

Pregnancy sucks! We do consider your feelings. (I'd like to easy I'm never irrational) but it happens, we are sorry, but not too sorry since we are growing an entire human fill withthe most annoying hiccups in your crotch, jabs, kicks and more hormones than you could imagine, trust us, most of the time we would rather trade places with the dad. I hope this helps too all you men who are at a loss of how to act. Just like children, all woman are different so please take my advise as a guide and not a manual

Sean said...

Reading these comments has really helped me understand what's going on. My GF is 16 weeks pregnant and early on things weren't to bad bar the odd argument but I couldn't help but react and defend myself. Now I just take it as well as I can and just realise she doesn't really mean it, it's the hormones talking. I have really changed my lifestyle recently. Always enjoyed a late boozy night out with mates at least once a week and days out at the football. Most of my money went on socializing. When we first found out I carried on as normal, albeit in a state of shock and with nobody to really talk to. But over the past 10 weeks with the changes I have made I am saving money and most importantly, exercising a lot. As many have said it helps relieve stress and I'm finding it to be a great help. Going out for a long walk/jog doesn't cost you a penny and really refreshes your mind. We don't live together yet and right now I am either being snapped at on the phone when I call or being completely ignored. Any offer I make of helping falls on deaf ears, but I refuse to give up.So I'm focusing on where we're going to live etc. Keeping busy and focused is all so important. Thanks everyone for helping realise I'm not the only one going through this and good luck.

insideout said...

My wife is a fucking nightmare when pregnant , she got FURIOUS because I didn't respond to an SMS message within 4 minutes whilst I was at work teaching a class of children . She's rude to me , bullies me, criticises me, gives me orders , and has anger issues it's like walking on splinters every single day. The very moment I get home from work I'm 100% guilty for something , it's very very VERY hard not to snap after psychological beat downs over and over and over and over and over

Nothing you can do guys ! Sometimes you gotta lose

Anonymous said...

Hahah seem you have a monster or a possessed wife.