Comments on Almost a dad: Dealing with pregnant women, a survey about what d...

This will probably just go out into space right no...

2012-01-26T18:58:13.626-08:00

This will probably just go out into space right now but I need to vent. My wife is 35 weeks pregnant. I'm in a new job that's much higher stress than I've dealt with before, and I'm under pressure of being the breadwinner once she stops working to have the baby. I know I'm not the most supportive father-to-be always but every day I recommit myself to trying harder. As I'm coming home at 7:30 or 8:30 in the evening I try to bolster myself with energy and as soon as I come in the door I try to think of things I can do to help -- if she's making dinner I'll straighten up, put away the dishes, take care of bills or whatever. I offer to help as much as I can. I haven't read the pregnancy books as much as I said I would, but I did go to 20 hours of lamaze and childcare classes. I express enthusiasm and excitement about the baby, read to her stomach, play guitar for her, put my hand to feel her move.

The last couple of days have been especially stressful at work, and on top of it, my wife has been getting a little bit hypochondriac about early labor signs (and of course I can't not take it seriously, so it's very upsetting and distracting).

Then tonight she said she'd be making dinner while I was on my way home since it was a bit late, but when I got off the train she sends me -- twice -- to get ingredients for the meal she hasn't started yet. Another hour goes by once I get home, and then she says that something is wrong with the recipe and that I should "take over." So I do, and I don't even say anything, except that I probably sighed a little. Suddenly she starts getting sarcastic with me and saying I don't appreciate how she tried to make me a nice dinner. So I said (I REALLY regret this) as calmly as I could that maybe when it's so late it would be better to just make a simple recipe that we have the ingredients for. She flipped out. She hit me a couple of times (she can't really hurt me much but it still bothers me that that's how she responds), threw the food on the wall, knocked the plate out of my hands, started screaming that I'm completely selfish, I have no appreciation for her, I'm not fit to be a father, I don't DESERVE to be a father, etc. This went on for a while, and I mustered as much apology as I could which she would not accept at all. To be honest I was feeling pretty angry the whole time and it's hard to know the right balance between holding it in and not getting too bottled up. She accused me of stressing her out, of hurting the baby, she claimed that I was going to cause her early labor. She wants me to stay away from her, she insists that she was in a great mood until I got home. On and on.

I want to be bigger than this, but I'm having a rough time. I feel like I have to hold everything in all the time, like I have to just keep riding myself and pushing myself and holding myself back all at the same time. Some of the things my wife said tonight were like a knife in my heart, especially the icy, hateful way she said it. I really want to believe that it's just the hormones.

Well, at the risk of being judged, I'll come o...

2011-11-17T20:17:08.662-08:00

Well, at the risk of being judged, I'll come out and say exactly how I feel, because this is what this blog is about.

I do feel I'm not allowed to express myself, that I'm neglected and my feelings don't matter. My girlfriend and I have known each other for a year and a half but only been together for seven months now. She is ten and a half weeks pregnant and it feels like our relationship is taking a nose dive. She doesn't seem as responsive to my feelings anymore and blames me for starting arguments even when all I'm doing is having a regular conversation with her.

Obviously, the length (or lack thereof) of our relationship doesn't help. In fact, I'm often confused and unsure of how much of any of this are the hormones. I constantly feel left out of the pregnancy and like she doesn't want me to be a part of it as much as I do. There are times when she will tell me that she needs me, but she also seems to be doubtful of our future (us together). This is not to say she wants to leave me, because I know she doesn't. Just that it sounds like she thinks since she's the mother, she has greater "stakes" on the baby. Maybe she does, I don't know, but it's my child too and it makes me feel like shit.

I wish she would use the words "us" and "we" more often when it comes to the baby. I'm just really down right now and have no one to talk to. My mother will "disown" me when she finds out, or possibly harm herself. I have no one to talk to, so I come online and rant about it, clearly going off topic more than I would've liked. I know she's going through horrible times and I feel hopeless because I can't help her through it no matter how much I try/want to. Again, the fact that I can't tell how much of this can be attributed to the hormones makes things worse, because I don't know if all this is happening because our relationship is falling apart.

I just want to go to a corner and die and stay dead for most of the day. But I obviously have to man the heck up and deal with it, because I do want to be with her and the baby.

You know that Snoopy / peanuts comic? Well im curr...

2011-11-08T23:37:49.623-08:00

You know that Snoopy / peanuts comic? Well im currently Snoopy laying flat on the dog house staring at the sky... Literally ;) just started 3rd trimester and whilst my gf torr y head off and even left for 1 week in the first trimester, the 2nd wasnt much better the hormones were settled for a month then the tearing my head off started again... And now the start of the third and shes been slowly drifting away stopped calling me babe etc.. Ignores mushy sweet
Texts and texts in general.. Im in limbo not knowin whats goin on or where we stand... But this blog helps and i know i gotta ride the storm. I have been for 6 months so whats another 3. If ur in the dog house likr moi, use this time to save cash, go to the gym and work on your car. Worry about your relationship after 6 months after the baby is born thats what im gonna be doin. Today marks day one of give that pegzilla space!!!! Did i mention im in thr dog house? Its comfy....for now...

My wife and I are expecting, and no matter how har...

2011-10-03T19:57:19.086-07:00

My wife and I are expecting, and no matter how hard I try to be there for her, I also feel as though my needs are not being met. When I try to communicate with her about my feelings and my needs, it's as if I'm talking to a brick wall. I keep getting the...it's only 5 more months... I'm about ready to slit my wrists...I'm doing all the cleaning, all the cooking, have no money, have to give up smoking, have to deal with no intimacy, and on and on...I just get to deal with everything. It's as though she can just do whatever she wants or feel she needs, or lack there of because she's pregnant. And I get to deal with everything left...which is everything. I don't know how to keep dealing with this. I really don't. Please HELP.

One word, “Utter Hell”, or two words, I’m to beat ...

2011-08-14T10:57:58.958-07:00

One word, “Utter Hell”, or two words, I’m to beat up to have time to count words. My Wife had a late Positive on her HPT, before we knew we were pregnant, we almost split because of the hormones the first trimester gives freely to all. Did I mention She is the Type-A controlling stubborn “expressive” gal… So yes, times get hard very fast. Then after the doctor and all the med test came back we were well into the first trimester. Then, life got a little better… as in She won’t throw stuff at me when she gets mad, call her parents on me, yell, yell, and yell at the Husband- kind of better. All because I don’t “get it” and the baby isn’t mine “till its delivered”. The second trimester did continue to get a “little” better. And now after the ultrasound tec couldn’t get a good dimension, the doctor talked out loud and changed the due date “in theory”, SO my wife took the ‘could be new arrival date’ as FACT. And I know for sure the gloomy days of the secound trimester were short lived because She is back to her abusive good old self as I am sure the Third Trimester is here to stay. Yes, I know, I’m venting… Feels good to talk. Can’t wait till life goes back to normal. I’m never getting her pregnant again.

Thanks guys for your comments i feel like I'm ...

2011-06-19T05:56:55.254-07:00

Thanks guys for your comments i feel like I'm not alone anymore. My partner has extreme hormonal behaviour, nothing I say or do will satisfy her, i do every chore, cook and clean tell her i love her try to be supportive as possible, and yet no recognision, its reached a point where i have to sleep on the couch every night, the slightest noise can set her off, i'm getting alot of the silent treatment as well and nowdays theres distant between us, not from my part. i thought i was mentally strong but i'm crumbling

Hi my girlfriend is about 14 weeks along. she has ...

2011-05-22T07:56:17.048-07:00

Hi my girlfriend is about 14 weeks along. she has a son <7 and im tring to b supportive in any way possible but she just seems to pawn the kid off on me and expects me to b ok with it.im not saying i dont like the kid or the time we spend togather just that i need some time for me too. any time i want to bring it up i feel like a bad person. i have no problem with beinga step parent but she has just thrown every thing at me at once and i am having trouble adjusting to the whole deal. this is my first child and i think she is afraid i am going to play favorites. and so am i i mean hes not my son and has a dad already i dont want to push him out of the picture at all but i beleive that i will probably look out for my biological child first because he or she is actualy of my line.HELP!!!any advice and opinions would be helpfull . thank you

Hi Bill, I think its awesome that you created thi...

2011-04-05T20:42:23.894-07:00

Hi Bill,

I think its awesome that you created this blog and as soon as I started to read it I began to feel at ease to the changes that are occuring with my girlfriend and our pregnancy. I say our because I do believe that a man-even though he is not carrying the child that is growing in the mother's womb- has a huge role to play in pregnancy. Trying to find information on what to expect as a father seems mundane, unhelpful and one sidedly man bashing. Repeatingly I'm reading "just deal with it." I'm in no way saying that women don't go through an experience that I or anyother man will ever understand, or try to take away from that experience with what seems on the surface as selfishness. I just really want to do my best at being there for my significant other, and child. I think tips on helping to cope with stress is valuable and this is indeed a stressful part of my life.

I've found the question, responses and information here to be outstanding and will continue to follow and re-read your post. I really appreciate everyone sharing their experiences and look forward to the months as they unfold.

My girlfriend is now about 13 weeks pregnant. I ha...

2010-11-06T11:15:45.428-07:00

My girlfriend is now about 13 weeks pregnant. I have seen a drastic change in a lot of her actions and there really starting to get to me. She ignores me a lot, and wants her space and we use to be inseperable, and I try to do everything I can for her to make the pregnancy easier. Part of me wants to end it, but the other part is telling me it's just because she's kind of in shock about the whole thing and her hormones are out of control. Any advice on what I should do?

Gareth... I just have to say that i feel for you. ...

2010-10-29T02:47:09.991-07:00

Gareth...
I just have to say that i feel for you. I know what you are going through.
She probably doesnt want to cuddle or be close because she just physically needs space. Her body is changing and aching and she doesnt know how or what to sooth it so she resists everything. Dont take it personally. Its hard not to, but its just what she needs. Give her space but still be present. Dont abandon her. Shes just dealing with all the hormones and changes to her body and since you had a role in it-she'll likely take it out on you as though its "your fault". She knows its not your fault, but it doesnt stop her from feeling that way or telling you it is. Women need to feel secure, understood and loved. Do everything you can do make her feel this way.
Hang in there. This is normal. You're not alone and it will get better.
Offer to give massages, but dont feel rejected if she doesnt want you near her. Help around the house without being asked. Dont expect praise because it may not come. Wake up every day thinking, how can i make her life easier? better? more comfortable?. Listen to her. Sometimes she just needs to feel "heard".

Let us know how it goes!

Hi there men!!! I am a woman whos best friend has ...

2010-10-29T02:36:26.637-07:00

Hi there men!!!
I am a woman whos best friend has been pregnant 2 times, and i can understand what you guys are going through. I've felt much the same way as a friend, as you have as husbands and boyfriends!

Here are some examples and advice of how to see things from her perspective...

Emotionally-hormones are going crazy. Every little thing has the potential to offend them, upset them, make them feel insecure, unattractive, unsupported...the list goes on.

Everything is magnified because of the changes they are going through-physically and emotionally. Always keep this in mind.

When you are in pain...you are more irritable, right? well imagine having breasts that are in pain from stretching and getting bigger. Imagine sore nipples that cant be soothed ever. Showers hurt them, bras hurt them, rubbing up against a tshirt hurts them. Everything hurts them. Then theirs the overall weight gain. Lots of women have body issues to begin with, this only gets magnified when pregnant. A harmless comment about an actress on tv may seriously cause your pregnant woman to feel insecure about her new body and emotionally insecure because they will someone irrationally think you're harmless comment is threatening to her security in your relationship. You just have to be as supportive and understanding as possible. Her back will hurt like crazy. Not only is it from the weight gain but just the way the body is changing. Its all making room for a developing human. Everything in the body is connected so everything will hurt. Maybe she isnt getting enough sleep because she is so unfomfortable and cant find a proper position to fall asleep or stay asleep. Maybe shes throwing up all the time and doesnt have any energy to. When you're tired and in pain you're cranky....well just think of that times a billion. PLus you are dealing with a woman maybe feeling scared about the health of her baby. Its a huge weight on a womans mind to be solely responsible for the health of the child growing inside her. Her body isnt just hers and everything she does or doesnt do effects that baby. Feelings of guilt and inadequacy can start to crop up. Hollywood also puts a lot of pressure on women to be "cute pregnant ladies". Pregancy can be cute, but lots of the time women are tired, angry and dont have the energy to "fix themselves up". Be thoughtful, and get her a pregnancy massage or a pedicure. Brush her hair for her. Her feet will likely be swelling so she'll really appreciate it. Pamper her. Let her know you're there for her. Dont try to win fights because even if you are right, does it matter?. It wont make you or her happy. Take it in stride and be patient. Love her and be her rock. She unloads on your because she knows she can. Its unfortunate, but just know that it will pass. Even if she never gives you any praise, know that she does appreciate the wonderful things you do. She probably just doesnt say it because she's to distracted with everything going on with her to think to thank you. Sounds selfish, but its true. Instead of focusing on how she's pissing you off, just focus on what you can do to share the pregnancy. You cant carry the child, but you can help to make her life easier and more comfortable. Make that your focus and you'll feel good about yourself knowing that you are doign everything you can to be supportive and help her. You never want to abandon her at a time like this. She needs you...

Good luck!!!

Hi there. Like most on here I am struggling to cop...

2010-10-18T04:29:54.480-07:00

Hi there. Like most on here I am struggling to cope with my pregnant partner. She is 10 weeks along btw. I am sat at work now, close to tears. I do as much as possible to help and support, reassure her and bite my tongue on a regular basis. Nothing seems appreciated though, there is no affection any more, I don't ask much to be fair, just some cuddles and to be close now and again. I can handle not having sex (just!) but I feel that physical contact with me repulses her. Prior to pregnancy she said regularly that she had never experienced such passion as we had. I manage a few hours exercise on my own at the weekends and feel better, but come home and its back to square one. What the hell has happened? I want my old life back :-(

im a first time father dealing with those las 2 mo...

2010-10-01T09:49:56.876-07:00

im a first time father dealing with those las 2 months of the drama my bm is very psycho we argue fight and she is always on my bacc bout me sleepin around at times honestly i feel like ringin her head right off shoulders we live together and my patients has already ran out do u think i should leave for a while or should i stay please i need ur help

Hi, I feel in a weird situation, we are on week 7,...

2010-08-03T00:25:14.584-07:00

Hi, I feel in a weird situation, we are on week 7, and my girlfriend tells me I am as supportive and amazing as I could ever be.. all nice things most of the time, but I feel like I am the only person that can't make her feel good, or just have a good time, she seems to be at her best with friends, super energetic and amazing, and these are friends she doesn't need to pretend to be happy.. so that means that she is, but the moment they leave feels like there's nothing to talk about.. I would say something and the answer would be a yes/no.. kinda thing.. Not sure what to do..

Thanks for the amazing blog!

Baby number 4 is on the way. You would think I'...

2010-07-26T09:26:40.183-07:00

Baby number 4 is on the way. You would think I'd have this down by now. She is a little more emotional with this one. Don't know if maybe because she is a little older and the body handles it differently.?. Two days ago I was the best husband in the world. Today I am ruining our lives. A little concerned since we are in the middle of 2nd trimester right now. 3rd is going to be scary.

I have always handled the bills and finances and a...

2010-03-23T11:19:17.936-07:00

I have always handled the bills and finances and all of a sudden at 7 months pregnant she is comlaining and yelling about everything and wants in on the finances. She is worried about money and paying bills when the baby gets here and is crying about it. I told her I would continue handling them and she should not worry but she says she can't. She says that I am going to resent her when the baby is here because she can't work and money will be tight. I have never shown to be that type of person and yes I am worried about money but I feel that is my position of a soon to be father to take care and bear the burden. I am at my wits end....

My girlfriend will be 10 weeks tomorrow and she ju...

2010-01-24T18:31:23.979-08:00

My girlfriend will be 10 weeks tomorrow and she just left me 4 days ago. She grabbed up all of her things and left. We have known eachother for several years and have always had something between us, but we were only dating for 2 months when we found out she was pregnant. At that time, she told me that she was so in love with me and that she was glad that it was me she was in this situation with. We were both very excited, and for the first two weeks it brought us soo close that I lost any fear for what is coming. But then, she spent a whole week treating me like she hated everything about me. I was starting to wonder if she even loved me anymore. Then on Monday she said that she doesn't think that we are meant to be together and that she would spend a night at her moms so we could think about things. The next day I picked her up and the first thing she did was appologize for being so emotional lately and said she loves me very much and really wants us to do this whole thing together. The next day, I got home from work and she said she was leaving me. I literally begged her to stay. She told me that I was just being selfish and to stop feeling sorry for myself. I eventually agreed and told her to do what she thinks she needs right now and to call me when she wants to. I still haven't heard from her.

Every person I know has been just astounded at how patient and understanding I've been, but now she just doesn't want me around. What do I do? Will she come around and want me back?

wow.... and I thought I was an insensitive horribl...

2010-01-11T17:01:54.794-08:00

wow.... and I thought I was an insensitive horrible person. thanks for the advice from all, specificly Pinkie. I now realize she is pregnant and going through alot and its not that she hates me for doing this to her...really it both our faults. I will now put on my patience pants and go home (she says the baby wants Pizza) Keep my comments positive and help her as much as I can.
Really this did help my attitude. Pregnancy is hard

Dear MEN, I am currently a "crazy" preg...

2009-12-17T01:31:51.104-08:00

Dear MEN,
I am currently a "crazy" pregnant lady, 11 weeks. I got in a fight with my boyfriend, and came out hear to find this along with the google search "how the F@&# do i deal with this pregnant woman"...if any of you are wondering the same question here is a small list off the top of my head at 3:30 am....
1) If she is already being crazy...WHY ARGUE more with her...trust me you are NOT getting any "righter" or "winning" anything by doing this...you at that point are either asking for tears or a cell phone to the head.
2) The ONLY reason she is yelling at you and being mean to YOU is because you are her "safe" place. You should feel flattered that she believes in you and your relationship enough to unload all of her pistivity onto you. TRUST me you hurt the ones you love, shitty but true! ( I want to refer to something my dad says quiet often its the Fu@@ing you get for the FU@$ing you gave/got)
3)Be the guy from the movies if you are at all capable. Try holding her after sex(even if that wasn't her style before *HINT *HINT)When she says something like I am being a pain, or Gosh maybe I am being too demanding....DO NOT AGREE WITH HER...OMG...She is going thru one of the biggest events in her life, if she is in the mood for pancakes and it is 3 in the afternoon...don't make her feel stupid. :( I hope some of this is helpful, and I hope that it eventually reaches the right ears....Night everyone, and good luck!

This is my first time opening up to anyone about m...

2009-12-17T00:31:12.640-08:00

This is my first time opening up to anyone about my relationship type issues. The problem I'm having is that her and I have known each other for many years and dated off and on during that time. Currently we are not "together" but still really care for one another. She is still in the first trimester and everything just seems the same ..... and that's where the problem is. She has always been kinda touch and go on the whole communication issue. Now i just look like a complete ass when she gets all emotional and I just act normal. I'm at wits end on what to do. Any advice i could get can only help.

I do everything under the sun for my girlfriend an...

2009-10-29T22:58:32.629-07:00

I do everything under the sun for my girlfriend and am madley in love, she gets a little crazy now and then but thats not the problem. It just feels like she doesnt care about me as much. She says she does when i ask, but thats the thing, i have to ask. She doesnt tell me how much she needs me or how ive been good to her. Am i being sensitive and should just man up and drive on or is there a way to approach it without setting her off, which usually happends

I just think that pregnant women are ridiculous an...

2009-10-24T16:40:01.546-07:00

I just think that pregnant women are ridiculous and you cannot do anything about it. My girlfriend is close to 7 months and she explodes at me if I say something she finds remotely offensive (any woman especially a pregnant one can be offended by pretty much anything)But when I just stop talking to her she yells at me for not paying attention to her and then when I talk to her she yells at me for pretty much everything I say. She gave me the whole : Ii wish there was some way for me to show you what I am going through so you can understand" speech. In my opinion living with a pregnant woman is probably almost as bad as being pregnant. I am ridiculously supportive, nice, and caring and I just get it thrown back in my face. She stresses about everything even though she doesn't need to. Pregnancy just somehow gives women a free pass and they think that they can do what they want and thats outrageous.

I turn 34 this month, and my "friend" is...

2009-10-10T08:48:14.421-07:00

I turn 34 this month, and my "friend" is pregnant with what would be my first child. I say "friend" because I'm pretty sure she broke up with me. Right now, I really don't know what's going on or what to think. She has two children already, and she told me a couple of days ago (in a moment of sanity) that she doesn't hate me, it's just hormones.

We have a very young relationship, and weren't planning to have a child. We disagreed about what to do about the pregnancy (which is one of my fatal flaws), but I have tried to be supportive, and I have done quite a bit of biting my tongue already. I believe now that, in my ignorance, I have done a miserable job of that. I had gotten used to her getting mad at me about every three days, and her saying she was done with me, but we are in a whole different ballgame now!

In my frustration, I turned to the wise sage of Google search (for "dealing with pregnant women") and found this blog. I am greatly encouraged by the other posts, and I would like to offer my bit of advice to others:

Do NOT listen to her if she tells you not to do participate or contribute in something for her, or if she tells you that she doesn't need you to do something! I made the mistake of thinking that she needed to prove something to herself or to me. Do everything you can for her, and let her reject it if she chooses. You will be MUCH better off with a record of doing things that she doesn't like, than with not being there for her!

Unfortunately, I have trained myself in logic with math, computers, and business. I thought that if she would be mad at me either way (which seems to be the case nowadays), I'd prefer that she be mad at me for something I didn't do, so I felt justified.

...at my age, I don't often feel clueless.

I do love her and her children, and I will try to do better.

My wife and I am expecting our first child in two ...

2009-09-08T11:41:36.950-07:00

My wife and I am expecting our first child in two months. My wife has been pretty much miserable the complete time. No matter what I do or say never really helps. I feel all the information supplied from web sites and leaflets justify the behaviour. Stating its hormones and my wife cant help herself for feeling this way. My wife reads all this and feels that acting as she has is normal.Reading the accumulative accounts of thousands of pregnant women problems and behaviour. Frankly this "dealing with it" is affecting our marriage. If I moaned and self obsessed about every part of my body this past seven months I am positive I`d be on the street.

As I read these blogs, it does make me feel better...

2009-08-24T19:38:51.457-07:00

As I read these blogs, it does make me feel better that I'm not alone when it comes to an emotional pregnant woman. However, my problem came before my fiancee got pregnant, it just amplified with the pregnancy.

I love her to death and her 15 month daughter from a previous relationship. I am more of a dad than her birth father, who wants nothing to do with her. Yet, this guy seems to have done everything right during the whole pregnancy and then walked out 6 weeks later on fathers day.

I have a 14 yr old from my first marriage that lives with us because her mom is deceased. My fiancee doesn't seem to have the patients with a teenager and my daughter is not getting the attention she needs, especially from me with spending all my time with my fiancee's daughter, now shes upset another baby will take away what attention she might get.

My fiancee says I'm not spending enough time with her, not being supportive and want to argue with her all the time (we do seem to fight a lot). She is a month pregnant and for the past 5 months she just complains about everything I do or say, now its 4X worse. I try to talk reasonable with her, she takes what I say the wrong way or I say nothing at all. She gets mad at all of it. Whenever I try to explain myself, she says, "It's all about you and no one else", than threatens to leave because she doesn't care anymore. I could go on, but I think this is enough to see where I'm coming from.

I have always put others before me and still do with my fiancee. Hardly get time to myself, which is ok with me when it comes to my family (just as I did with my first wife). So there comes times when I feel unappreciated and attacked for doing my best (which lately I feel is not enough to make her happy) and the argueing is wearing on both of us. I bite my tongue so much, but there are times when I slip if I feel like she is attacking me and I defend myself (which is where she claims I want to argue), not to mention she tells her family and co-workers everything making me feel like I am a horrible man.

I never had this issue with my first wife. So this is all new to me and I am worried as to the outcome, for all of us. Especially her and the babies well being, I'm so confussed and stressed as to what is the right thing. I go to the gym from 1 to 2 hrs 5 days a week (if I can), the rest of the time I am never alone or always have something to do. Yes, I don't get much sleep and not much of an appetite.

So; what and how do I make things better? or she will walk out.