Dealing with hormonal pregnant women: don't make them feel crazier ~ Almost a dad

Dealing with hormonal pregnant women: don't make them feel crazier

Around 9:30 last night my beautiful and wonderfully pregnant wife tried to strike up a conversation with me while I was embroiled in some intense typing. It was basically a pregnancy snack request, but her approach was a little rough and somewhat out of the blue. The conversation went something like this:

"I'd like a candy bar and a back rub," she said to kick things off.
"A candy bar and a back rub?" I replied quizzically looking up from my laptop. She was laying on the floor doing some light yoga to stretch out her back at the time, and looked up at me with a grin that I just couldn't say no to.
"You're crazy. You know that don't you?" I replied with a smile. I turned my attention back to my screen in an attempt to finish my work before I set out to fetch a Three Musketeers.
"Why? I'm hungry," she said playfully.
"I'll go get you a candy bar," I admitted in a tone slightly frosted with defeat.
She shot back with "What, I can't get a back rub?" in a tone sharper than her initial request. I looked up a little disbelievingly.
"You're un-friggin-believable," I said, shaking my head and continuing to type.

As I neared the end of my work I realized that she hadn't said anything in a few minutes. A few minor sniffles perforated the silence of a commercial break on TV and quickly caught my attention.

"Are you crying?" I asked, somewhat disbelieving.
"No." And she wasn't. Not quite yet.
"What's wrong?" I pried.
As soon as she began to respond the waterworks let loose.
"I'm just really uncomfortable and I feel bad asking you to do all these things..."

She continued down her relatively short list of "why I'm crying" in a tone that sounded like an orgy of critically wounded geese, so I didn't pick up a lot of the finer points. I could tell those points didn't really matter. "My back hurts and I'm sorry that I’m hormonal" were the captions of her pregnancy-fueled, hormonally catalyzed mini-melt down.

I sat down next to her and told her that it was okay and I didn’t mind her requests at all, she just has to work with me a little sometimes. I said that I can only imagine all the changes that she’s going through and I’d do anything I could to help her. That made her cry more because she now felt worse that I was being understanding.

“How about I massage you with a candy bar?” She began to laugh. Laughter is a good way to diffuse a pregnant loon. So I rubbed her back for a little while and eased her back pain woes. The candy bar craving passed on its own at some point during the massage.

A few points of pregnancy wisdom I gleaned from this experience:

1. Don’t make a pregnant woman feel worse than she already does. It’s your job to keep quiet. Putting up with her craziness is the male analogy of experiencing hormones directly, it’s just something you have to go trough as part of pregnancy.

2. A pregnant woman may not even be aware she’s acting strange. If she isn’t, then don’t bring it to her attention. She may forget about what she did later on and only remember your reaction. I'm very lucky that my wife at least realizes when she's being irrational.

3. If a pregnant woman wants food, she wants it five minutes ago.

4. Don’t expect an apology from a pregnant woman, and don’t ask for one. If you happen to get one, that’s icing. Just support her lunacy and cravings, and keep in mind that she’s going through a tough time.

216 comments:

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Anonymous said...

Suck it up. We're 9weeks I'm.basically worse than Hitler. It's not their fault. And every time.I have gotten to the point where I just want her to actually go through with the threats of leaving me. I breath and remember it's not her fault.

Find someway to laugh manically it helps.
And internally say back what you want. Externally appolagies. It's just our egos that are hurt fellas.

Anonymous said...

I am 28 weeks pregnant and this week has been awful, I am guessing for both of us. I feel completely insane, to be honest. My boyfriend isn't the best with expressing himself either. I've been very tearful and his response to it is ''not again' followed by telling me I used to be fun to be around before.....obviously this did not go down well. He rejects my affections or is cold when I get needy. I am trying to be understanding but I feel like it should be him trying to be understanding. Instead I am running around apologising for myself and being basically nuts.

He asked me this morning if It would turn me on to watch him have sex with another woman. Now I'm totally freaked out. He said it was just a joke and now I'm twisting his words....he did only ask it lightly but I really don't think this is the thing to be saying to your third trimester girlfriend!!!now I'm sitting here thinking he is bored and fed up of me and wants to be with other people and then he is telling me to relax and stop imagining things, and he asked me if I'm bipolar......what am I to do?? I have no support.

He has been trying his best but recently it's gone quite bad. He doesn't seem to be able to cope with my ups and downs which really have not been that extreme until this week, where I have just been exhausted and crying and unable to sleep. Naturally I'm going to be a bit strange in these circumstances but he is making it worse instead of better.

Please help me! I'm up all night tonight just freaking out and feel extremely frightened and alone.

Mamma Peace said...

I am 4 months pregnant trying to get my man to realize how much better he needs to treat me. I told him an hour and 15 minutes ago to read these articles and I just told him how long I have been waiting and he told me to "shut up" and "who the fu** cares about some articles someone else wrote!"

Anonymous said...

okay so ive been with my girlfriend for just two months, im 24 and she is 29. we were using contraception i.e. she was on the pill but this last week she hasnt been her usual self and two days ago i found out why, she is 4-5 weeks pregnant. we knew each other 4 years prior to getting together and we are like best friends as well as partners. but since we have found out the news she has been very different. she is not talking to me pretty much at all and she is not being herself. one min me and her will be on the phone having a laugh and a joke and then 20 mins after the convo she doesnt wanna know. its killing me because i fear that im losing her day by day. yes we got pregnant so soon into the relationship but the pill just didnt work in this case. im trying to do all in my power to make her happy and try and have a conversation with her but its like im her enemy. i dont know what to do someone please tell me what i should do?

Daniel Carroll said...

Holy hell man been there . My girl left me when she was 4 months pregnant I was afraid I was going to miss the baby moving around in the stomach, all I ever wanted out of life was a family , I wanted it with her. Bro keep making those appts and be on time , ask the important questions to the doctor in front of her, this will show her your true interest in not only the baby but her.... rub her back and feed her kid ... hang in there man your story sounds a lot like mine .... we made it and now are expecting another baby ....

Anonymous said...

Me and my gorgeous girlfriend have been together for nearly 3 years and I love her to bits and kids.. ( there not mine but I wish tjey where) my girlfriend zoeh is 8 weeks pregnant and she is really moody and stressy and keeps snapping at me and kids.. I know shes pregnant and hormonal but it only seems to be me shes stressing at.. with the nabours shes fine and dandy and acting like nothing happened.. she snapvat me over the slightest little things.. and she says the horriblest things to hurt me and it really dose hurt.. its like walking on egg shells most of the time.. I love this woman to bits and befour she was pregnant she was loving and caring always up for a laugh.. and since we've found out its all changed.. I adore zoeh and id do anything for her and kids.. and recently shes started calling herself fat and horrible.. and to hear herself talk like that brakes my heart.. she wants me to leave and stuff but I dont want to because I know its the pregancy.. any advice please people.. thank you in advance.. michael

Markel Williams said...

Me and my pregnant gf was talking then outta nowhere she like she need to be detached from me becuase she said she was depressed not happy then she said she feel she don't wanna be pregnant no more. But she didn't brake up with me or left me she said What should I do?

Matt Burrous said...

Men, very simply.......be men. She needs a solid and unwavering patient man to be there as much as humanly possible and to endure 'this storm'. When it gets really, really bad I get my 2 young sons and we get out of the house for a while. We usually go do something fun and this gives my wife some time alone to rest, reflect, nest, cry, or angrily text me. FYI, do not, I repeat......do not respond reflexively to these comments or texts. This is will be our second child together and this pregnancy is very much on track to be as difficult as the last. I cannot believe how similar many of these posts are to our relationship-during pregnancy. Hang in there, that is your job, take it and shut up. Also, if your wife, fiancee, girlfriend has a past history of mental illness (e.g. Depression, Mood Disorder, Bipolar, Anxiety) get ready and be prepared for Postpartum Depression. Onset occurs anytime from 5 days after birth to several weeks later. This condition is more common in women with past psychiatric disorders but can occur in any woman after giving birth at a rate of 1 in 7 women post delivery. If her behavior changes 'WILDLY' after birth look up this condition and speak with her OB/GYN or PCP or Psychologist about your concerns. I don't mean to scare anyone but I've honestly been there and done that. Hang in there and do what is needed to protect and care for your new family. Oh and seriously read these valuable comments and stories. You Are Not Alone.

Anonymous said...

This blog is great. My lady is 6 weeks with our second child and on depression medication following the first pregnancy so you can imagine alot of tongue biting.

Today i was running late for work after walking the dog and feeding our 2 year old and i got shouted at becsause the filter on teh washing machine was blocked, not realising she had run a load through a open the filter and flooded teh kitchen after furtehr abuse she told me she was leaving and would be better off without me - off to work i went to get some space after leaving a load of towels in teh kicthen the mop bucket was thrown at me along with some corn flakes so best get out of the way.

Ive simmered down now but wonder what state the house will be in when i return

graham said...

My fair lady is angry every morning shes 6 weeks with second child n has depression following first pregnancy. So each day can be a hazardous one. Today I walked the dog and came back to her laid feet up aying on her phone. Toddler needed nappy change si I did that while she ignored this. I then got changed fir work quickly as I was running late came down n she had a rant about washing machine aparently filter blocked. So not knowing it was full I opened the filter n flooded the kitchen. A bag was blocking the filter that was also my faukt. Now running late I started mopping n getting water up whilst getting further abuse now because of a female co worker she reckons ive had an affair with , in what time exactly do I have for this.... she gets angry kicks the bucket at me n re floods kitchen n then adds some corn flakes for good measure. Shes pissed off to a hotel n left everything to me now im back from wo rk. Been getting abusive texts all day if I dint reply im a #### if I do im a bigger #### cant win n not trying to

Anonymous said...

As a presently pregnant woman, it is hard dealing with all the emotions that come with pregnancy. Not only does your body change drastically, but your emotions take on a life of their own. We are super sensitive and the smallest thing can and will set us off. It is not that we are easy to anger. Its that we are creating life, and as we create this little life we need support in so many ways. When we don't feel supported, understood, or at least calmly dealt with you get the 1.) Bitchy wife/ girlfriend who will say fucked up things and treat you poorly, or you'll get me.
2.) I'm the wife/ girlfriend who is extra sensitive and will throw her hands up if things are going well. Not only am I pregnant, but I have heart concerns. These heart concerns leave me very anxious every time I go to the doctor. You should always go to the doctor visit with her, as much as possible. If she is not a priority to you, then you should be discussing things like how you all plan to raise the child when the relationship ends. If she has EVER made you a priority. Now is the time to support her.

Matthew Smith said...

Same thing here. My problem is I stop paying attention when she is irrational and she makes horrible threats "to get attention"

CJ said...

Rederic=rhetoric
Sorry, that was driving me nuts. 6 weeks pregnant. Yes, crazy is settling in nicely! :)

CJ said...

Pregnate is not a word! I'm sorry but as a P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T college graduate with a minor in English, grammar and typos just about send me into the abyss!

Anonymous said...

In my experience a pregnant wife will handle your response differently over time:
First pregnancy: crying, "I dont know why I'm so needy" etc, need support
Second pregnancy: anger, impatience, needs infinite patience
Third pregnancy: violence, verbal abuse, just go somewhere else for a while, you cannot fix it and your presence, no matter how you approach it, will escalate

Anonymous said...

My pregnant wife is a devil woman.

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