There are many things for which new parents are unprepared. In addition to major adjustments to lifestyle and challenges of caring for a new life, new parents are presented with a myriad of other surprises that, while not as significant on a grand scale, are as equally jarring to new parents. At the top of the second list, extensive experience with poop.
There is no way to escape it; if you have a child you will become intimately associated with feces. The smell, the consistency, the texture and yes, the touch. As an involved parent you will at some point get poop on your hands. My wife and I have a name for the streak of bad luck when a wipe rips or a diaper runneth over; poo finger.
You too will experience poo finger. As if some sort of poop-induced rigor mortis, your first run in with an errant smear will cause your finger to stiffen straight out rendering your hand immobile as to not spread it around. No matter how long you scrub your hands, your first poo finger will leave you feeling like Lady Macbeth, "Out damn'd spot! out I say." You'll get over it with time, but you'll think long and hard the next time you go to pick up a sandwich without latex gloves.
Every parent will deal with diaper blow outs. If it happens while you little joy is in a car seat, it will shoot up his or her back, possibly up to their hair. (That sounded impossible before I had kids.) Kids will stink up your house at some point, but there is also positive side to so much exposure to poop. Your child's poo is a clear indicator of health or sickness and can help you identify what foods agree with them.
You will talk about poop far more than you ever imagined. (You may even end up writing about it.) You will discuss it with your partner or other parents. Poop is just part of parenting, but it's not the worst thing in the world. (Actually you get grossed out a lot less easily after having kids.) When you realize that infants usually only cry because of dirty diapers or hunger, you go out of your way to tackle the dirtiest tasks to keep them happy. It continues with potty training and butt wiping, extending the lifespan of the poo finger, but your hand doesn't cramp up quite so bad. The realization that it hasn't killed you yet helps you continue your necessary relationship with feces and take care of your little munchkins. So get used to the idea, stock up on antibacterial soap and enjoy the crazy.
Poo Finger, a treatise on poop and parenting
Expectant fathers, help me help you
I get tons of great comments on posts from expectant fathers. I love them because I get to learn a lot about other guys' pregnancy experiences and it's good just to hear people's opinions. Please keep them coming.
The 365 Things Project
Kids dealing with pregnant mothers
Many grown men think that dealing with pregnant women is difficult, but consider the situation from the eyes of a child. It's confusing for adults but must be of an entirely different scale for children.
Save 15% on diapers with a 'subscription' from Amazon
When I sat down and calculated how much money I spend a month on diapers, I wondered if having my son poop onto a pile of $1's might be a cheaper alternative. In a previous post about the monthly expenses associated with a newborn, I estimated that disposable diapers set you back about $100 per month; approximately 390 diapers a month at $.25 a piece.
Free shipping + Saving 15% = No brainer
Maggie Maternity, a savior for maternity wear buyers
I've written previously about how difficult it is to buy maternity clothes for a pregnant woman, stating the dangers inherent to the giver of such a gift. One rogue decision on sizing and she could either explode at you (too big: "How big do you think I am?") or implode in tears (too small: "I'm getting huge!"). It is a challenge for men to buy clothing for women when their bodies are not undergoing a myriad of changes, but throw in altered physical appearance and a limited selection of styles and you're setting yourself up for gift giving failure.
Fetuses may have memories, make them good ones
I've always advocated that fathers should talk to their partner's pregnant belly. I practiced this extensively with our first child, carrying on daily monologues next to my wife's baby bump. Moments after my son was born I spoke to him and he instantly quieted and looked up at me. The reaction was significant enough that the nurses and doctor commented on it and asked if I had been talking to him all along. That brief moment made the months of mindless belly banter worthwhile.
An Alternative Drink for Pregnant Women with Gestational Diabetes
Most pregnant women will tell you that their taste buds aren't the same as they were pre-pregnancy. I've heard many times that the taste of water, and even an expectant mother's own saliva, can make her feel sick. Ginger ale drink is quite adept at settling an uncertain tummy, but the sugar content puts if off limits for women with gestational diabetes.
If your partner is one of these unlucky women who has been placed on a restricted diet, yet can't stand water, a fantastic alternative is a naturally flavored sparkling water.My wife loves the Poland Spring lime essence sparkling water; it tastes great and isn't overly flavored, has 0 grams of sugars and isn't loaded with suspect ingredients. Polar (if it's available in your area) has a similar offering and it's usually less expensive as well.
10 Ways To Help Pregnant Women Feel Better
How long does a pregnancy last?
The length of a pregnancy may sound like a basic question, but one worth asking as there is often some confusion around it.
Why are there two different lengths?Doctors use the LMP date as it is often the most solid point of reference. Many people don't know the actual date of conception, so the LMP allows for consistent comparisons from person to person amond medical professionals. The 38 week timeline is often referred to as the gestational age.
I thought a pregnancy was 9 months long? Isn't 9 months 36 weeks?Well, it is 9 months, but the average month is 4.3 weeks long, not 4.- (52 weeks / 12 months = 4.333 weeks per month.)- 4.333 weeks x 9 months = 38.99 weeksSo 9 months is just about the average of the 38 and 40 week numbers.
How accurate are home pregnancy tests?
Now that you have (or have not) seen a couple of blue lines on a home pregnancy test, you may be asking yourself just how accurate are pee-on-a-stick home pregnancy tests, anyway?
1. Most pregnancy tests claim to be 99%+ accurate.2. Pregnancy tests should be taken in the morning, with the day's first urination. hCG, the marker detected in home pregnancy test is most concentrated in the urine at that point, increasing the likelihood for an accurate result.3. Take at least two home pregnancy tests several days apart. You're most likely to get an accurate result over the course of two or three tests spaced several days apart. This will help eliminate false negatives due to low hCG levels, and false positives due to faulty tests, improper use or other factors.4. The longer you wait to take a test, the more likely it will be accurate. Aim for 1 week after a missed period. Again, hCG levels are more likely to be at sufficiently detectable levels in the case of pregnancy.5. False negatives are more common than false positives. You're more likely to be told you're not pregnant when you really are, but false positives are also possible due to a number of factors.
Pregnancy Quotes - understanding pregnant women
I came across a quote about pregnancy that may provide some insight for expectant fathers on why pregnant women may not seem themselves.
"Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside."
Pregnant women just don't feel themselves and strange things are happening. I'd be irritable if I got kicked in the stomach all the time. Aside from that, consider even some basic logistics; they're getting large and immobile, they have to pee every 5 minutes and don't have the energy to walk to walk to the bathroom. That alone would drive me nuts.
Check out some more pregnancy quotes.
Books for Babies
Reading to a baby from a very early age is one of the best things you can do for your child. While it may seem strange to read to someone who has no comprehension of what you're saying, it is at the very least time well spent together. Reading also helps form a bond between parent and child, as they develop familiarity with your voice and become comforted by it.
I'm Going to Run Away, Noisy Nora, Bedtime for Frances and Where the Wild Things Are were favorites of both me and my brother. My son loves Goodnight Moon, Guess How Much I Love You, I Love My Daddy and Max's Halloween. Check out the post for the full list, or the cool spinny widget thingy below for a few of them.
Goodnight Moon Bloggy Giveaway
As part of the Bloggy Giveaway carnival I'm sponsoring a giveaway at Fatherhood Matters for a copy of Goodnight Moon. It's been a classic for decades and a nightly read with my son.
If you'd like to win a copy, check out the contest post at Fatherhood Matters.
Good luck!
What monthly expenses are associated with a newborn?
You'll probably spend a bunch of money stocking up on baby supplies in advance, but many wonder how much it will cost every month once the baby arrives. Babies are relatively simple creatures, and the main elements of caring for a newborn are feeding them, cleaning / changing their diapers and making sure they're rested. The sleep is free, but here is a rough approximation of monthly costs for a young baby.
Formula, $75-105
If your child will be breast-fed, this column is free. If you are planning on bottle feeding, a baby generally eat 2-3 ounces of formula per pound of body weight, so 14-21 ounces a day for a 7 pound baby. Powdered formula (Similac organic) costs about $1 per 6 ounce bottle. This intake level will set you back $75 - $105 per month.
Diapers, $97.40
A newborn usually needs between 8 and 15 diaper changes a day, usually towards the higher end. Estimating 13 diapers a day at $.25 per diaper, $3.25 per day or $97.50 per month. (Update: Save 15% on diapers with a subscription from Amazon.)
Wipes, $15
Depending on the type you buy, budget about $15 per month.
Pediatrician co-pays, $50
Estimating a $25 visit co-pay, budget for $50 per month for the first couple of months, $25 there after.
Miscellaneous $50
There are plenty of little expenses that fit into this category. The items I'd put in here include Mylicon (anti-gas), Desitin for diaper rash, baby lotion and oil, baby vitamins and countless other little things. For this, I'd estimate $50 per month.
Baby detergents, $20
We use a special dishwasher detergent baby bottles and laundry detergent for baby clothes, which cost between $10 and $20 per month.
Pregnancy and birth quotes
A ship under sail and a big-bellied woman,are the handsomest two things that can be seen common.- Benjamin Franklin
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.- Sam Levenson
Sleep now, you'll never be able to again
My primary piece of advice for all expecting parents is to sleep now while you have the opportunity.
The days leading up to the birth of a child are all a buzz with excitement as you rush around prepping for your new bundle of joy. This is all well and good, but sleep is better. Make sure you don't tire yourself out; YOU CAN'T CATCH BACK UP ON SLEEP LIKE YOU USED TO.
Sleeping in a chair in the hospital after the delivery will not give you adequate rest. Waking every couple of hours to crying for weeks on end will not rejuvenate you either. Walking your child to quiet him or her until you've worn through a pair of socks does not provide much rest either.
As long as you have a place for him or her to sleep, food for him to eat and diapers to keep him clean, the rest is all just inconsequential icing on the proverbial baby cake. Keep in mind that infants will not care how well-decorated a room is or whether or not their clothes match. Much of the advance preparation for babies is done for the parents' sake.
What will impact them most is having a well-rested, SANE parent who is not teetering on the edge of fatigue-induced clinical insanity.
So if you listen to one piece of advice, rest up now.
Use ACH to pay bills during pregnancy
The latter months of pregnancy are often very busy with last minute preparation for the forthcoming little one. That full schedule will not ease up after the birth of a child either, and sleep deprivation makes it more difficult to remember little details that don't involve diapers and formula. It seems as though the world revolves solely around the expectant family or newly arrived treasure, but banks, utility companies and credit card companies don't see it in quite the same way.
One highly effective tool for managing time and personal productivity is to use automatic bill payments (especially while caring for/dealing with a pregnant woman and making sure the baby room is prepared). Often known as ACH, automatic bill payments simply deduct the amount owed from one's checking account on a predetermined date on a recurring basis. This service is quite often free and available for sign up through a vendor's website. It typically requires an electronic 'signature' and your checking account number and bank routing number. Certain places require paper forms to be signed and mailed, but it's worth the effort.
Not only does using automatic payments reduce the overhead involved with managing your finances, it helps make sure that you won't miss a payment date. As such, it prevents potential damage to your credit score because of an honest, fatigue-induced mistake. For variable payments (e.g. credit cards) for which the amount is not the same every month, I prefer to set the automatic payment to the minimum so I don't miss any deadlines and then initiate additional payments manually, after the fact.
This approach to personal finances saves time, effort, the cost of stamps and envelopes and makes sure there's never any question about whether or not a bill was paid on time or a check lost in the mail. Some credit card companies will charge a $35 late fee if your payment is even 1 hour past their cut off time; ACH prevents that from being an issue.
Many vendors allow you to change your payment date if you're worried about scheduling your payments around paychecks. I make entries in my Google Calendar for each automatic payment, and set up text message or email notifications on the payment date so I can balance my checking account.
Bills that often can be paid automatically each month include:
- auto insurance
- cable television
- car payments (set up through bank)
- credit card (if carrying a balance)
- life insurance
- phone
- utilities
Talking to the pregnant belly, revisited
Throughout my wife's pregnancy I spoke to her belly, more specifically the baby within the big pregnant belly, on a fairly regular basis. From the beginning I felt that by talking to him in utero he would develop an affinity for his father's voice once he was born.
After months of chatter I have to say that, in my estimation, it worked and was a worthwhile expenditure of time.
Within moments of my son's delivery he was handed to me, and after speaking only a few words, my baby boy quickly calmed down. A nurse and a doctor commented on his reaction without prompting which was all the validation I needed for my "talking to a pregnant belly" hypothesis. These days, at the ripe old age of 10 days, he quiets quickly with a few words from dad when he's in the middle of a diaper or hunger-fueled crying jag.
I admit it's not scientifically airtight; I had no control group for this experiment. My wife would have been furious if I were simultaneously having a child with a different woman for the sake of a making a point, so I leave it to educated assumption and the opinion of professionals to draw my conclusion.
Among expectant fathers I'm not alone; many men talk to their pregnant partner's belly. Of those dads-to-be who answered the Almost A Dad ongoing survey for expectant fathers, more than 77% of expectant fathers carry on belly talk with relative frequency. More than a quarter of all respondents do so every day.
I never talked about much of anything of much importance; the events of my day, made up songs, anything that came to mind. My suggestion is that all expectant dads, if so inclined, should take a minute or two per day to talk to their partner's pregnant belly.
Prenatal checklist: Chest freezer
A chest freezer may sound like an odd item on Dad's prenatal checklist, but if you have the space for and means to buy a chest freezer, I highly recommend it. A chest freezer allows you to buy in bulk, prepare in advance and stock up on extra until such a point that the bundle of joy is more mobile. If you are short on space to fit a freezer, you can always throw a changing pad on top and use it as a changing table for the baby.
Since coming home from the hospital after the birth of our son, we've gotten large quantities of food from family, friends and neighbors. It's been so much that it far exceeds the capacity of the freezer compartment of our refrigerator. We would never be able to finish it all before it spoils, yet will definitely eat it in the near future, so we stuck it all in our chest freezer. In addition to helping manage the influx of gifted foods, it allowed us to stock up on things before the baby ever arrived.
As part of the nesting instinct, expect that your wife or partner may buy extras of everything in preparation for your new arrival. A chest freezer helps accommodate any extra groceries that make their way into your home. Remember, you may not be able to get to the grocery store with pre-baby ease and frequency. You can leave a pregnant woman alone for short periods of time, but you can't do the same with a newborn.
Getting things done becomes a much more difficult proposition. Every errand you need to accomplish takes on new logistical weight, food shopping included. You're not supposed to take newborn babies out into crowded public places like shopping centers for a least a month, so you can't just bundle him or her up and take them with you. In the case of a c-section birth, the mother's recovery time will be much longer and will need much more help, again making trips out of the house more difficult.
Some foods that freeze well, or can be purchased frozen, include:
- meatThe function of a chest freezer is just as useful as your child ages and the amount of food you consume on a regular basis may exceed the store you have available in a refrigerator or freezer.
- poultry
- fish
- breads
- soups and stews
- baked goods, cookies, unfrosted cakes
- casseroles
- lasagna
- spaghetti sauce
- juice concentrate
- pre-made dinners
Big box stores like Best Buy and Home Depot usually have small chest freezers for anywhere from $150 on up.