Poo Finger, a treatise on poop and parenting

There are many things for which new parents are unprepared. In addition to major adjustments to lifestyle and challenges of caring for a new life, new parents are presented with a myriad of other surprises that, while not as significant on a grand scale, are as equally jarring to new parents. At the top of the second list, extensive experience with poop.

There is no way to escape it;  if you have a child you will become intimately associated with feces. The smell, the consistency, the texture and yes, the touch. As an involved parent you will at some point get poop on your hands. My wife and I have a name for the streak of bad luck when a wipe rips or a diaper runneth over; poo finger.

You too will experience poo finger. As if some sort of poop-induced rigor mortis, your first run in with an errant smear will cause your finger to stiffen straight out rendering your hand immobile as to not spread it around. No matter how long you scrub your hands, your first poo finger will leave you feeling like Lady Macbeth, "Out damn'd spot! out I say." You'll get over it with time, but you'll think long and hard the next time you go to pick up a sandwich without latex gloves.

Every parent will deal with diaper blow outs. If it happens while you little joy is in a car seat, it will shoot up his or her back, possibly up to their hair. (That sounded impossible before I had kids.) Kids will stink up your house at some point, but there is also positive side to so much exposure to poop. Your child's poo is a clear indicator of health or sickness and can help you identify what foods agree with them.

You will talk about poop far more than you ever imagined. (You may even end up writing about it.) You will discuss it with your partner or other parents. Poop is just part of parenting, but it's not the worst thing in the world. (Actually you get grossed out a lot less easily after having kids.) When you realize that infants usually only cry because of dirty diapers or hunger, you go out of your way to tackle the dirtiest tasks to keep them happy.  It continues with potty training and butt wiping, extending the lifespan of the poo finger, but your hand doesn't cramp up quite so bad. The realization that it hasn't killed you yet helps you continue your necessary relationship with feces and take care of your little munchkins. So get used to the idea, stock up on antibacterial soap and enjoy the crazy.