Monday, November 15, 2010

Kids dealing with pregnant mothers

As I approached my front door the other night I caught an earful of screams coming from the neighbor's apartment. They're a quiet and pleasant family so I indulged my nosy side for a just a moment while fumbling for my keys

"I gave up my life for all of you! I give you everything. You're all selfish..." It was the normally placid mother tearing into her usually well-behaved children. Then I remembered, she was pregnant. She was unloading on her four kids in what sounded to be a rather hormonal rant, completely out of character for her. The youngest daughter, about 2 years of age, began to bawl. I could hear the 10 year old trying to comfort her to no avail.

Making things worse, the father is not in the picture, leaving them all without the support figure they each need. A dad's role should be to help a pregnant mother through her difficult times and similarly help kids through what is a period of upheaval for them as well.

Many grown men think that dealing with pregnant women is difficult, but consider the situation from the eyes of a child. It's confusing for adults but must be of an entirely different scale for children.

By the time I found my keys I felt pretty sad for them. Until then I had never considered the pregnancy experience from a kid's viewpoint. It just wasn't my experience growing up nor my experience with our children. However it made me realize how important it is for dads to play a support role to the entire family during pregnancy.

This blog is not about demonizing pregnant women, it never has been. It's about shedding some light on the father's experience which is not always easy. What I hope it points out is that the father does play an important role in supporting everyone involved, mother, upcoming baby and the kids who are already around.

If you're an expectant dad with children, keep an eye out for how your kids are responding to the situation. Help out as much as you can, throw yourself on as many grenades as possible, just make sure they're happy. If you know a single mom without a dad in the picture, help her out as well. She'll need it more than anyone.


  1. I am a mother to four, currently due any day with my 5th baby. When I first got pregnant, this was one of the first things that came to mind. Sometimes, we have these hormonal outburst that we can not control....and unfortunately, many times it's taken out on our kids. My husband works a lot...14 hour nights and has a weekend drill (military) once a month. For the most part, I'm on the own with my kids. I have noticed a lot of yelling lately, but I try so hard to take a step back. Everyday, I try to "check in" with my kids and let them know how much I appreciate them and how hard I am trying to stay calm. My children are wonderful and for being so young, they seem to understand how tough pregnancy can be on a mom.

    Anyway, it took me having to out right tell my husband..."I can not control myself right now...I NEED you." He gets flustered easily with the children, as he is not use to dealing with them. Plus, sometimes, my emotions rub off on him and he becomes inpatient and yells. I have to remind him that he is suppose to be taking over for me so that I can have time to calm down. Thank God this is all temporary.

  2. My mom is pregnant with her first, my brother and I are adopted and for the most part don't live at home. The father got scared and left and so I know how expectant moms get freaked out and emotional. Sometimes I forget the state she's in and do what comes naturally: be a teenager. Which, is not really conducive to say the least. But everyday I do what I can to help and sometimes it doesn't seem like enough.

    It's not been easy, and as she nears the end it's been especially difficult, but all been worth it. As an older child, I do my best not to take it personally. I know I can't possibly comprehend how she feels. To any kids, or even dads, just hang in there. Pregnant women are a different species entirely and have all new needs. Do your best, when it seems like nothing is good, everything is bad, nothing soothes her, and you're not sure if you should stay or give her space, give it all a try and if that doesn't work, just give her space. When it's all over she'll be back to normal and remember all you did to try and help.

  3. there is something to think about

  4. They are just plain crazy when pregnant

  5. Im 5 months pregnant and im laying in bed in tears coz when I look back on the day, I see how mean and scary I must be to my two year old son.... I didnt realize untill I read this blog....

  6. Superb kind of work by the team as on this particular topic people needs more precise information and special attention to it.Thanks a lot.